And Shawn Holley Just Saved Lindsay Lohan From Going To Jail. Goddammit.

January 15th, 2013 // 27 Comments
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Lindsay Lohan‘s still in London and her current lawyer Mark Heller can’t represent her in California yet, so all Shawn Holley had to do this morning was show up in court and tell the judge Lindsay fired her which would’ve resulted in a bench warrant for her arrest. Instead, despite still being owed $300,000, Shawn pleaded not guilty for Lindsay and literally saved her from jail. For the 8,00th time. TMZ reports:

When the judge asked if she was still representing Lindsay — Shawn replied, “At this point, yes” … but it’s unclear what that means since she got a letter saying she was fired yesterday. Lindsay has since hired another lawyer in New York, Mark Heller.
The judge was understandably confused — and Shawn said, “The representation issue will be nailed down.”

“Shawn, listen, I’m sor-”
“Bitch, you shut your mouth. You shut your mouth and you don’t say another word, or I’ll literally sprout wings and fly over there to beat your ass until your mama has to pour coke into you with a funnel. Now here’s what you’re gonna do: You’re gonna fire that crooked ass lawyer in New York today, and then you’re gonna turn around and suck every rich dick in London until you have my money or I swear to God I’ll tell motherfuckin’ Interpol you’re a goddamn opium mule for Al Qaeda. Have I made myself clear?”
“Yes, yes, ma’am.”
“Good. Now have a nice flight. Shawny misses you! Mwah!”

Photos: AKM-GSI, Getty

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  1. I literally thought it was Samuel L. Jackson speaking Shawn Holley’s part in Fish’s article…

    • “Say ‘you guys’ again. Say ‘you guys’ again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say ‘you guys” one more Goddamn time!”

  2. Annie

    Just let her go to jail!! Why is everyone so invested in helping her if she’s not a good person nor a talented individual who’s worth the trouble?

    I was watching the Liz and Dick train wreck of a movie, and I do not understand why people still think she can act. I just cannot believe it. There’s this scene in which she’s drinking from a bottle and “crying”. She doesn’t even TRY. She’s supposed to be DRINKING from the goddamn the bottle and she’s just posing, she’s not even swallowing, it’s so embarrassing how she can’t even drink naturally. Then she starts crying and not a single tear. She’s just making ugly faces. And that clip of the movie with James Deen, she cannot walk either! She cannot walk naturally i mean what is this mess.

    Everyone needs to stop helping her and let her hit rock bottom.

  3. This woman is a goddamn miracle worker. How she keeps this idiot out of jail is a mystery to me, plus have the mental fortitude to deal with Lohan on a regular basis is amazing.

    Representing Lohan is the legal equivalent of herding cats.

  4. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Swimsuit Poolside
    DBN
    Commented on this photo:

    She has the tits of 20 year old and the legs of a 50 year old….

  5. karlito

    she wants her money so bad that she’d let this ho-bag walk the streets again. it’s the fucking judges that have no balls and constantly let this twat walk. blame them.

  6. There are 2 paths for this woman. She either gets thrown in jail for a descent amount of time forcing her to get her life in order OR she dies as a result of one of her irresponsible screw ups. There are no other options. Every time a judge lets her off easy, the judge is only increasing the possibility of an early death.

  7. inkydink

    Why do they even bother with her anymore? We all know NOTHING will ever happen to Lohan. She’ll never go to jail, she’ll never get punished. Hopefully she’ll OD and die soon so we can quit hearing about how this bitch keeps getting away with breaking the law.

  8. Tom Cruise's Magical Penis

    So the new lawyer is a fame whore, but Shawn Holley, the lawyer owed 300K, SHE’S in it out of concern for her client.
    Rrrrrrright.
    Watch out for those sudden ambulance stops, Holley, you might break your nose on the bumper.

  9. Netta

    Lindsay has got to be the luckiest cunt alive. How in the world does she keep getting these breaks?!

  10. The judicial system is hilarious. If she wasn’t famous she would’ve been in jail from the first offense. How does that make you feel? Knowing that famous people are untouchable while you get bent over the table and assfucked everytime you go to court.

  11. All right, that does it. I’m cashing out of the Lohan death pool. She keeps narrowly avoiding disaster; others inexplicably do her will; she looks worse by the month; and she keeps stealing jewelry. She’s obviously cranking out horcruxes.

  12. judgingyou

    I’m beginning to think that Holley is really a witch or Lohan’s Fairy Godmother. How else do you explain this?

  13. She’s the secret love child of Johnny Cochrain and Samuel L Jackson?

  14. kery

    i don’t know why lindsay is intouchable if a black man does something against the law the court would send him to jail

  15. cc

    Just in case you haven’t been sufficiently disabused of the notion we are all equal under the law.

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