The Emmy Awards will attempt to make the ceremony more entertaining, though exponentially gayer, next week with the addition of an “American Idol”-esque talent contest wherein celebrities (real celebrities) will sing duets of some of television’s most memorable theme songs. Viewers can then vote for their favorite song online or via text-message.
Other than “Veronica Mars” star Kristen Bell, who will sing a solo version of the “Fame” theme, the duets will include William Shatner and opera star Frederica von Stade singing the theme from Shatner’s 1960s “Star Trek,” and Megan Mullally and Donald Trump singing the “Green Acres” theme.
I don’t much care for “American Idol” or its relentless reign of crippling douche chills and crimes against music, fashion, and humanity at large. But you know what would have made “American Idol” awesome? William Shatner and Megan Mullally. Shatner is pretty much the coolest guy with an apparent speech impediment ever. I mean, who else can get away with speaking almost exclusively in sentence fragments? Nobody, that’s who. And Mullally is the only reason anyone’s been watching “Will & Grace” for the past five years. Plus she’s got the best almost-fifty-year-old breasts in town. And she’s the only actress with enough chutzpah to go on Conan and talk about how she was a “big lesbo” when she was a child. Enh. Screw the Emmys. I’m just going to watch old “Star Trek” episodes and make out with that picture of Megan Mullally that I pasted onto a mannequin head.
Don’t judge me and my way of life.