I don’t usually post harrowing tales of survival in the face of impossible odds, but it’s not everyday I come across one involving a deadly sea lion with a taste for human butt-flesh. The world most know of this! People reports:
Shakira is nursing a few scrapes and hailing her brother as a hero after he saved her from a wild sea lion attack in Cape Town, South Africa.
The singer and her sibling spied some of the aquatic mammals on a tour Sunday afternoon and decided to get a bit closer to take pictures.
“Suddenly, one of them jumped out of the water so fast and impetuously that it got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me,” she wrote on Facebook. “I was paralyzed by fear and couldn’t move, I just kept eye contact with it while my brother ‘Super Tony’ jumped over me and literally saved my life, taking me away from the beast.”
Shakira believes the sea lion was confused by the shiny reflection of the Blackberry she used to take pictures. “It probably thought I was teasing it with food and then taking it away from it,” she said, adding that she and Tony suffered minor scratches on nearby rocks as they tried to escape.
Of course, Shakira clearly left out the part where she shook her ass at the sea lion while making Charo “cuchi-cuchi” noises making the kill entirely justified. But on a serious note, a murderous creature that knows its way around water? Nancy Grace should probably take a look at this. I’ll dust for prints.
Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, Pacific Coast News
There’s a seal joke in here someplace.
Your life.
I know I immediately thought “A loose seal tried to kill me!” ans wondered if it was wearing a yellow bowtie…
good thing that dumb animal didn’t mess up Shakira’s sweet, sweet ass, otherwise I’d have to go out and strangle every goddamned last sealion on the planet for revenge.
Moron.
The Sea Lion failed, activate The Panda.
I just snorted my coffee lol, +10 Sir!
He must have heard her music.
Better have “Super Tony” check out the penquins behind her.
Hey that Sea Lion was me. Sorry just got caught up in the moment, so I tried to bite Shikira’s ass wouldn’t you?
Obviously the sea lion was used to being photographed professionally. Twas the unflattering angle that offended it.
…That’s what happens when you feed this sea lion dudes Viagra.
Sea Lions natural prey is the attention whore. Its why you never see Kim Kardashian next to one.
+1,000
Oh those impetuous sea lions
Now that is what an adult woman shuld look like.
Would have got her if it wasn’t for that meddling Tony. Your next Aguilera.
I have no pity for people that try to sneak too close to animals that can rip their throats out,
The Japs are the worst. Always trying to get a better camera shot. Whether you’re in Yellowstone or the Serengeti, those fuckers are always jumping barriers or getting out of Land Rovers and end up getting mauled by a fucking bear or something.
Check out that video on Youtube of the Japanese tourist getting his face ripped off by the lion, he walks right up to the fucking thing.
I bet if we all pooled our money, we could buy a prepaid safari trip and a camera with no zoom feature for the Kardashian sisters.
Ugh. I don’t want to pay money to see Khloe eat a lion. Poor lion.
I gave that sea lion 12 tins of sardines to do this and that guy fucks it up.
Nice to see Brittany Murphy and Elijah Wood dancing in celebration in the background.
i am no musician. however, i would bang her like a drum.
Me too. God damn she has a nice ass. Brazilians know how to fuck.
Isn’t she Columbian?
I heard it was an angry Seal who thought its camera was his.
“natural” is a long way from her best look.
I will find this sea lion, murder it and its pups!
You sound like a redneck. Am I right?
That’s what she gets for go around singing she’s a wolf, she’s insane and she wants to get scratched and bitten. Poor Sea Lion was just a fan who wanted to please her.
he wasn’t hetero sexual?
sealion should have fucking devoured her! what’s she doing near one in the first place…
Whoever writes for this site is hilarious ! ! !
DAT ASS
MK photoshopped in a hilarious rabid looking seabeast. “It’s coming right for us!”
She is just about perfect
Wow. Very hot indeed.
It’s cute that she convinced herself the cute little seal just wanted some food. For the record, carnivores are very protective of their herds, and Shakira is a fucking moron. You would enter a lion’s pride, and there is a reason they are called sea lions…
Or rather, you would not… iPads auto correct strange shit.
I agree. People are fucking stupid. The Sea Lion was probably scared when it saw her approaching with some shiny thing.
That picture is Boulders Beach and I’m guessing the seal (I’m 99% sure there are no Sea Lions in Cape Town) will be in Simonstown.
I’m guessing this because I’ve been on that tour myself. And I’m a fucking fat no mark brit.
Ergo, saddest thing is that she’s been on the same tour I have.
See that’s what happens when you use a shitty phone like Blackberry.
Please ecxuse me, but I couldnt help but to ask I love your eyeshadow organizer sitting on your dresser May I ask where did you buy that from?