Shailene Woodley Didn’t Have Drugs In Her B-Hole When She Got Arrested… They Checked

Big Little Lies star Shailene Woodley opened up to Marie Claire UK about the time she was strip searched after being arrested during the Standing Rock protests in October 2016. Hey, remember Standing Rock? That place in South Dakota where peaceful protestors tried to stop a pipeline from destroying thousands of acres of natural land and a vital water supply, all in the sake of making some rich white dudes richer and hotboxing the O-zone? Remember when police shot protesters with rubber bullets because they refused to leave the land given to them by the government in the first place? That was pretty crazy, huh? Remember when we didn’t shoot Nazis and white supremacists in Charlottesville with rubber bullets, despite the fact that they actually killed an innocent person with a car? The first amendment is so weird! LOL!

So yea, Shailene Woodley got the full-on “spread ‘em” treatment after her arrest. Unlike Mr. “I fly private jets to my climate change galas”, Shailene Woodley is from the hardcore James Cromwell school of celebrity activism. The one where they actually get down in the shit and keep milk handy incase they get maced or tear gassed. In her interview with Marie Claire, Shailene recalls how cops insisted on booty spelunking… for justice, obviously.

Woodley was arrested for criminal trespassing and engaging in a riot. Some 40,000 people watched on Facebook Live as her hands were zip-tied behind her back. At the Morton County jail, she reveals, “I was strip-searched. Like get naked, turn over, spread your butt cheeks, bend over. They were looking for drugs in my ass.” (from Marie Claire UK)

After being strip searched by a customs agent in Miami for bringing a bag of sugar back from the Caribbean (I’ll admit, it looked exactly like a brick of cocaine), I can attest that having some stranger eyeball your balloon knot is probably one of the most dehumanizing experiences I’ve ever been through. The fact that Woodley was singled out for her celebrity status (she was arrested after crowds began dispersing) only proves one thing… even D-bag cops who serve The Man are just as curious as you are when it comes to celebrity buttholes.