For centuries, women have been trying to figure out how to trick a man into marrying them. Even ones with giant breasts find themselves desperate and alone with nothing but their giant breasts. But all that’s changed. Apparently Selena Gomez has cracked the Rubik’s cube of engagement by proposing to Justin Bieber herself while he’s only 17 and willing to do literally anything for a handjob. He’ll probably say yes before she even opens the ring. The National Enquirer reports:
The 19-year-old Disney star knows a proposal will show Justin, who was recently hit with an ugly paternity lawsuit, that she’ll always stand by him, sources say.
“Selena is crazy about Justin, and she hates seeing him so upset over the paternity allegations,” a friend revealed.
“He’s been on edge thinking Selena might leave him, so she wants to get him a ring to show that she’s with him for the long haul.”
And in case this post report wasn’t questionable enough, Justin’s mom is apparently onboard because he’s been trying to knock up Selena so she won’t leave him, so it’s good to see kids are learning lessons from Teen Mom. “So that’s how I lock us into cage of pure psychological anguish together with no escape…”
“Pattie thinks Justin is talking about having kids partly because he’s afraid of losing Selena. But if Selena proposes, Pattie thinks Justin will feel more secure, and she’ll be able to talk them into putting off a wedding and kids.”
Clever plan except for the part where they get engaged and Justin still pokes holes in his condoms anyway because that’s how Jessica Alba kept her man. “I’mma name my kid Honor, too, and everything. Yo, moms, you seen my sewing needles?”
Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News
I cannot wait to see how this turns out…
They should have the wedding in Mexico and live in Canada, just my opinion.
But it’s traditional to propose to the girl.
Love her, she is so pretty and should be blessed with a baby. He is one lucky father and TallMatch.net was amazing
don’t care if she’s 17, bitch looks like she’s 13 and she probably fucks like it too.
she’s 19.
psst AA … “she” was referring to Justin.
We can only hope.
There is always that jackass that has to post “she’s 19″ to justify his pedo fantasies. Bitch can be 47 for all I care. She looks like she’s 13.
anyways, take this old sock, wipe it up before it dries, and then immerse yourself in shame.
So now you’re a pedo because you have fantasies over someone who LOOKS underage? God you’re stupid.
It’s a legal outlet for pedo urges — legal chicks that look like 13 year olds. The state says you can’t bang 13 year olds. So you just bang 19 year olds that look 13. Hey, man whatever gets you off. As long as it’s legal of course.
McBeef is into Grannie Pron!
hey, we all have our thing. mine is peg legged asian biker broads. If McBeef likes the grannies, who are we to judge?
I have it on good authority that Mr Burger has a hardon for Taylor Momsen, or anything with a pulse vaguely resembling Taylor Momsen.
lol, doctor.
Granny Pron? Hmm, I’ve never heard of pron before! Sounds exciting. Hey, Beefy, let’s get our pron on! I resemble Taylor Momsen about 0%.
Lemme punch you in the fucking face a couple times and you’ll at least have the eyes, KKK. That’s pretty much all I want out that Momsen bitch anyway.
@Rapax, YES. You agree she looks underage and you fantasize about her? That’s a PEDO.
Hmm, tempting. But I’ll have to pass.
*removes notepad from pocket, checks the “no” box next to “does she like being punched in the face?”*
In California they are going to start having to teach their High School student all about famous pedos in History Class. People are crazy!
Hahahaha! Beefy!
Ugh. Tired of these two. Every picture of them seems like a Disney version of “To Catch A Predator”.
First off this story has to be complete crap. Second, why would these two kids be thinking about all this complicated stuff after only dating a few months. This is just ridiculous.
All Mexican girls are married by her age, barefoot and pregnant. She needs to keep her fan base happy.
I thought gay marriage was only for same sex couples?
Ah yes,Fish posts another wildly imaginative pile of bullshit from that bastion of truth in reporting, “The National Enquirer”. This is sure to become a classic. BTW: The brunette seen in the pictures of Selena at the airport (Pic #5) is Sel’s mom, Mandy, whose marriage to Sel’s Dad , Ricardo failed after only five years…she was barely 20 at the time…
its creepy that you know this
I think he’s a stacker.
If this is true, I’m sure what won her heart was the manly way he wears a grown-up’s baseball cap.
I think it’s great that in Canada these 2 lil lesbians can pledge their troth til death do they part.
srsly. every picture of him looks like every other lesbian i’ve ever know… but thinner.
OMFGGGGG There 19 and 17!!!!!!! you don’t get married for reasons like that at all!
Yes, you do, if you want to get rid of your controlling parents, or maybe she’s pregnant. They wouldn’t be the first celebrity couple to have a shotgun wedding.
They go together like maple syrup on a breakfast burrito.
She’s just trying to tie him down because she knows that when he turns 18 he’s hitting the strange every night of the week.
I’m not hip to the lingo you youngsters use these days – when you say ‘strange’, you mean ‘Usher’s anus’, right?
Nah, they’re well acquainted. :)
Because 17-year-old boys are known for keeping it in their pants until they’re legal? Especially when they come from countries (like Canada) where 16 is legal? Yeah…and leprechauns and unicorns exist, too.
Why the fuck would he have to wait?
Does some magical key from God come down from the sky and unlock his penis at 18 or something?
Uh-oh. Looks like Samantha Ronson is making her move on the Bieb’s girl!
I heard he’s Canadian and she’s Mexican, will the weddiing be Spain?
Actually she is American so stop hating and get a life.
I’m really confused about who has the testicles here.
Lady GaGa. or Fergie. Whichever.
Whoa what a difference make up does. She looks homely in some of these shots. Justin looks way prettier.
Was my black widow plot line that controversial?
Good lord, he still looks like a child. Wait awhile, people! At least until he can grow facial hair.
You boys banned me? I was wondering why it took you so long. So much for free speech.
I thought you guy didn’t care? How do you banned someone who’s not bothering anyone or being overtly sexual? This could nt be hypocrisy could it?
I knew something was wrong when I couldn’t respond to garbage man.
anyone else notice the ring on her ring finger?
Echo… echo… echo..
Fail.. fail.. fail… ;)
Considering the source of this story is the National Enquirer, I’ll take it with a grain of salt.
Strange, its normally the cactus that has a little prick on its back.
Tired of hearing about this little prick.
Fuck off, Justin.
Where’s the beefy…I mean Roughen. Jeebus. Get over yourself, dude. Seriously.
they wanna talk like adults doa?
what is this?
THESE KIDS ARE STILL IN PUBERTY, folks!!
LOL,
stupid beards
and their stupid gay celebrities.
Just goes to show you again – having lots and lots of money doesn’t make you smart
Please. Men are such losers today it’s the other way around.
Even the cactus got a boner…
I cannot believe people actually this stuff like this is real. Uh, HELLO? This is totally made up to get people to read this..
did selena gomez and justin beiber really get married if they did thats nasty because it is with justin bieber and sweet because thats great
have they even been on a hunny moon