Selena Gomez is Okay! And Constantly Touching Her Stomach. Oh, Good.

June 14th, 2011 // 83 Comments

“He just had to have those eyes and the power to levitate…”

Following a weekend of several trips to the hospital after collapsing from nausea, an apparently recovered Selena Gomez performed at the Santa Monica Mall yesterday and chalked up her illness to “low iron” which should have just made any women whose had a uterus full of baby go, “Aw, sheeit.” On that note, I know it seems like I’m obsessed with saying Selena Gomez is pregnant, so let me just lay my cards on the table:

1. My Formspring account is fucking flooded with questions obsessing over Justin Bieber because, no exaggeration, your daughters are ready to die and/or kill for Socialized Maple Christ. But forcing him into a shotgun marriage will either put a cork in that insanity, or finally push it over the edge and they’ll suicide bomb Hollywood. Basically a win/win.
2. Every time Christian teenagers whose parents didn’t teach them about safe sex wind up pregnant, a Teen Mom gets her implants.

But just in case it’s still not alarmingly clear that a Bieber fetus has become my White Whale, if Selena Gomez walked into my house naked and said I can do whatever I want to her nubile 18-year-old body, the first words out of my mouth would be, “3D ultrasounds.” We’re through the looking glass, people.

Photos: Splash News

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  1. Anonymous

    Who CARES if she’s pregnant?

    • Honest Abe

      Hot chicks aren’t hot any more when you can visualize them re-inacting the toilet scene from Dumb & Dumber

    • rosaleanne

      It doesn’t matter if she’s pregnant or not. She’s 18 not 14. She’s old enough to make her own decisions. so I totally agree. I mean if she is, Congrats. But people need to stop being dramatic, just cause she’s a Disney star. I mean it was bound to happen sometime.

  2. bing

    Are you having difficulties to swallow, Selena ?

  3. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    Arzach
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice shot

  4. terry

    The Beiber’s man juice wasn’t as tasty as a corona I guess. Little overrated tween pop trash.

  5. the captain

    she just left kindergarten, YOU IDIOTS!!
    btw: you don’t know what a TURD can do…………

  6. Elihu Smails

    Sexual congress with a minor is illegal .

  7. alien face

    she looks like my little brother when he was a toddler. that sounds wierd but that’s how wierd her face looks…like a baby boy.

  8. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    footballisus
    Commented on this photo:

    Her face looks bloated like they put her on some type of roids!

  9. Basil Pemberton

    Quite a comely young lass . I wonder if this Bieber chap is serious about her in a romantic contex.

  10. would it kill you to do your show in a bikini? those shorts suck. even the ass shot sucks

  11. RoboZombie

    Her face looks like it’s made out of dough.

  12. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    Coyote
    Commented on this photo:

    I heard a clip of here trying to sing, key word TRYING.

  13. chupacabra

    girls at that age aren’t any good yet. Can you imagine what a pencil dick that little beiber fucker is? HAHAHAH!

  14. Jenny with a Y

    You know what can cause “low iron”? Pregnancy.

    No, seriously – it totally can. Just saying’.

  15. Dude

    Wow, this site is terrible. Once upon a time it was funny. Then, once it wasn’t funny anymore, they showed tits a lot. Now it is neither. Time to put this shitty site out of it’s misery.

    • Frank Burns

      Abide, Dude, abide.

    • TomFrank

      Yeah! It used to be funny with tits ‘n’ stuff, but now…literary references I don’t get! “White Whale”? “Looking glass”? What’s with all this book-learnin’ crap?

    • kimmykimkim

      What makes this site funny are the comments. So if you’re not going to say anything funny, then quit complaining. And just quit coming here. No one will notice.

  16. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    “if Selena Gomez walked into my house naked and said I can do whatever I want to her nubile 18-year-old body, the first words out of my mouth would be, “3D ultrasounds.”
    The blogger only posts that because he got laid last night, and maybe this morning too.

  17. Frank Burns

    What’s up with the odd pattern on her legs? Bad lighting? Bizarre hosiery? Some kind of Beiber-induced skin-condition?

  18. DM

    Shes trying to hard with so many tell tale pregnancy signs in less than a week ..Maybe her tickets weren’t selling so she needed a fake Beiber fetus to bring in those psycho girls.

  19. Mandi

    STOP ANSWERING THOSE QUESTIONS ON YOUR FORMSPRING.

    It is beyond annoying.

  20. Parker

    The first words out of my mouth would be, Bend over and spread your sweet little ass cheeks.

    • Richard McBeef

      Wouldn’t the first words be, Go to the grocery store and get some bread and sandwich meat? That way all the components will be ready when you are done with the ass cheek spreading.

      • Parker

        She’s probably not even smart enough to make her bed. I’ll probably be better off bringing my sandwich with me. Couple nice slabs of turkey, some alpine lace swiss cheese, tomato slices, slather a little mayo on a ciabatta roll and stack it all up. Boy oh boy will that taste good. Maybe I could teach her how to warm it up for me after I’m done proking her hot little ass though.

  21. Stupid

    I hate Disney kids…………

    • The Critical Crassness

      That’s okay, Stupid! I am pretty sure they wouldn’t be very fond of you either, IF they even knew you existed!

  22. cc

    Mmmm, tastes like maple syrup.

  23. Her splotchy thighs say “come hither”, but her face says “frothy burp”.

  24. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    My Left Nut
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, what a view.

  25. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    don
    Commented on this photo:

    the thoughts that come to my mind… pictures should be taken from that angle everytime. we just have to avoid the kardashians.

  26. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    Barry
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh yea….pregnant…..

  27. Kylanyx

    So wait.. nausea, headache, stomachache, low iron… all of this sounds like she just her period, and it was like, super crappy this month. Midol is your friend Selena.

  28. She’s got “Bieber Seeder.”

  29. kimmykimkim

    I smell a recent abortion! Seriously, I smell a dead maple baby.

    • Arcachnar

      If you have paid attention to the biology classes at school, you should have known that it is impossible to do an abortion at this stage of pregancy.

      Also, they are both pro-life. (Roman Catholic.)

      Besides, has Justin balls dropped yet?

      • kimmykimkim

        You don’t know how to take a joke do you? And I’m sorry, sweetie, I don’t have to go to school, because I’m an adult and I graduated. But if you had paid attention in biology class, you would know that an abortion at “this stage of pregnancy” is not impossible. It just takes a few kicks to the abdomen. You would also know that you can’t really smell abortions through computer screens. But you’re gonna let one slide, huh? Oh and you would also know that testicles drop within the first year of a child’s life, if not while they are still in the womb. So, I’m going to have to ask you to put your lips around THAT, and draw upon it succulently.

      • kimmykimkim

        Aaaand… if you had paid attention in Grammar class in approximately, oh, the 5th grade, you would’ve correctly typed, “HAVE Justin’s balls dropped yet?” Subject verb agreement, little girl. Now go off and play. The grown-ups are trying to talk.

      • Arcachnar

        Yeah. I know that the balls drop at the first year, but it was just a bad joke. Thats because he looks so young. And yes. You can have an abortion when you kick her there. But this has not happend to Selena.

        Oh. I am sorry. Did I make a verb mistake? English is not my first language. And yes. I already graduated from school.

        Grown-ups are speaking? Please, do not make my laugh. How old are you then?

      • Arcachnar

        I can take a joke. But I know some girls who were sixteen when they became pregnant or had an abortion. So thats why I can not take a joke like this.

        Besides, I was almost father when I was just eighteen years old. Thats a real shock. Luckily, she did the test again and was not pregnant after all. Phew.

  30. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    mommadukes
    Commented on this photo:

    that is a stomach gesture not a preggo gesture which is lower people

  31. steV0dd

    So, this would be a Canadian anchor baby? Hispanic teenager trying to get citizenship in the Great White North, eh?

  32. Somebody’s got a maple donut in the ole’ carniceria.

  33. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    Mia
    Commented on this photo:

    Touching her stomach is a singer move. Don’t believe me? Nowadays almost every young female artist touches her stomach while singing, espescially when singing high notes and holding a long note. It gives the feeling of support and it’s better to sing like that.

  34. landy

    are you pregnant every one is saying you are tell us the truth please.

  35. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    B
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t think she’s pregnant, I think its obvious that she’s on her period and has cramps. It’ll do that to a girl, the tummy pains. :(

  36. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    Liam
    Commented on this photo:

    She was probably feeling a little sick or had a stomach ache. Give her a break. I doubt she is. Plus Bieber is a girl. so it would be the immaculate conception.

    If she is pregnant good for her I hope she makes the right decision and it’s happy growing up with a Spanish women called Rosalita

    • *LoVe*

      Justin is not gay like you Liam, so shut the fuck up.
      P.S. idk if selena is pregnant. :p
      But it would be like this huge hollywood story lol tht would be interesting…

      -ilY JB!!

  37. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    Olivia
    Commented on this photo:

    Maybe her stomach was just hurting. I hold my stomach like that when it hurts…

  38. Bj

    Took the pro-life dumbass Beibs long enough to get some poor chick knocked up. I love it when dumbasses spew shit and it flies back in their face.

  39. Gary B

    If Selena did get preggo with Justin, at least she can breast feed him and the baby.

  40. Abby

    I remember when everyone thought Taylor Swift was Pregnant but she wasn’t some stupid person photo coied a pic of her and made it look like she was pregnant but she wasn’t and also singers tend to touch their stomachs so they can hit the right notes it’s not always a sign of pregnancy.

  41. little selena bieber

    Then i hope that selena is not prweggo bcuz then she wont be a pretty grl and also email me at facebook and say that u met me at the page of selena gomez and yeah thnx

  42. suhel Ahmed

    So is not wearing my seltbelt, but neither law is stopping me from doing what I want to do!

  43. singer16

    If you notice, most of the pictures are of her singing. Singers sometimes hold their stomachs when they’re singing to make sure they are singing from their diaphragm. I do it all the time and I know I’m not pregnant. She isn’t either.

  44. Selena Lover

    Of course she’s not, Selena would never get pregnant at 18. If you are a true fan you wouldn’t be telling lies about Selena. Shame on you

  45. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    kAY
    Commented on this photo:

    That girl stold my cousin best friend

  46. Jaylan

    Felt so hopeless looking for answers to my qusteonis…until now.

  47. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    Formetonoeandyuneverto
    Commented on this photo:

    SELENA IS NOT PREGNAT ALMOST EVERY FEMALE SINGER TOUCHES THERE STOMACH !!
    GROW UP !

  48. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    BELLA
    Commented on this photo:

    o wow it none of u rbusssnes just let them be gosh some people are fuckin ******** ********** ***********

  49. Brittany

    Shes a singer and when you sing alot ofnpeople touh heir stomics o check there breathing

    Sorry about my spelling

  50. Selena Gomez Pregnant Belly Santa Monica Mall
    jai
    Commented on this photo:

    yes tht is very true!!!!!!!!!!

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