Justin Bieber’s Confiscated Phone Probably Has A Bunch Of Naked Pics On It

“Sounds like this might be – *puts on sunglasses* – a minor setback.”

When the police raided Justin Bieber’s home on Tuesday, commenter joe made an incredibly astute observation that filled all those who read it with unparalleled levels of hope and optimism for the future:

I bet that douche has a million nudie pics that his dipshit fans send him. Wonder how many aren’t quite 18 yet?

From there, I proceeded to throw salt over my shoulder, rub my lucky socks, kiss a rosary, play a fife with the devil, and basically do whatever superstitious horseshit I could think of to make that prediction become a reality. Which apparently worked, so if you’ll excuse me, I have Kelly Brook’s breasts to conjure into my face. BALTHAZAR GETTY! TMZ reports:

Law enforcement sources tell us … when they searched Justin’s house Tuesday, they seized his cell phone … took it right out of his hot little hands. Sources say cops are interested in texts that could incriminate him. Cops want to see if he texted someone after the fact and bragged about the egging. One law enforcement source called it a “text high 5.”
Sources tell us … he’s concerned more about drug discussions and references. Even if cops find drug references, Justin’s in the clear given there’s no physical evidence — nonetheless J.B. is afraid it will leak out.
We’re told he’s also concerned that there are naked photos in his phone, although we don’t know if they’re action shots, selfies, etc.

Considering this is a kid who’s already shoved iPhones down his pants and been filmed sleeping by a hooker, I’m going to say it’s a safe bet his phone is loaded with naked shit presumably of Tati Neves and/or the conveniently vanished Selena Gomez. Which would be awesome if it’s that last one and they’re leaked all over the Internet so I can phone it in for the next five years, but I’ll gladly settle for a selfie at Mariah Yeater’s first ultrasound. You know, if God wants to prove he’s real. His call.

Photos: Getty, DESI/AKM-GSI