Serious Question: Does Lupus Make You Retarded?

January 3rd, 2014 // 18 Comments
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Selena Gomez is reportedly suffering from lupusit’s always lupus – so here she is going on a Segway ride with Justin Bieber (and here) because if there’s one person who will be sensitive to her at her darkest hour, it’s Whorebang McSyrupdawg.

“Justin, thank you so much for seeing me. I’ve just been-”
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s ride Segways! That shit is TIGHT.”
“Okay… but will you ride next to me so we can talk?”
“Sure, girl, sure. *hops on, takes off* PSYCHE!”
“Justin! I’m really, really sick.”
*circles back around* “Yo, for real? Like hospitals and shit?”
“DAYAMN. … So we’re not fucking, today are we?”
“Probably not.”
“I’mma record an album. PEACE.”

Ahh, young love, what can’t it heal?

Photos: Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, TRGT/AKM-GSI


  1. JC

    According to The Mayo Clinic’s website, possible symptoms of lupus include “headaches, confusion, and memory loss.” Extend that last one to include the more specific case, “losing memory of why you dumped an idiotic, asshat lesbian in the first place,” then I think it’s safe to answer your question in the affirmative.

  2. Right now Bieber thinks she is asking him if they can record something short together which plays over and over again.

  3. Driver wasted time taking a photo when he SHOULD have been like… vroom OOPS..bumpeddy bump… what was that I just ran over? Nothing? ok. vrooooom away!!!..

  4. “Never attribute to lupus that which may be explained by stupidity”
    Abraham Lincoln

    “It’s never Lupus”
    Dr. House

  5. Why is Selena still associating with this asshole?

  6. My God she is a fucking imbecile.

  7. gumbypokey

    I never knew she had lupus. I have no shrewd remarks on this one. Lupus is a bastard of a disease.

  8. kery

    I hope Selena get well soon, and she must forget that guy.

  9. Jenn

    Lupus is an awful disease I’m sorry if she’s actually got it. Can we convince Beiber it’s sexually transmitted and the only cure is to become a recluse and give up diaper pants? While he figures out the word ‘recluse’, we’ll get a month or two of peace.

  10. Mary

    Selena is LIVING with lupus, she’s not suffering. And why would you use retarded as pejorative? Are you still in middle school?

    • Dr. House

      delay or hold back in terms of progress, development, or accomplishment.
      “his progress was retarded by his limp”
      synonyms: delay, slow down, slow up, hold back, hold up, set back, postpone, put back, detain, decelerate;

    • poop

      you must be LIVING with retardation

  11. RaSunGodofEgypt

    I hope Jesus denies knowing Bieber on Resurrection Day and tells him to depart into the everlasting fire.

  12. Selena Gomez Wardrobe Malfunction Vagina Flash Booty Shorts
    Commented on this photo:

    Gurl you must have been too stoned to shave that twat this morning….FREE those roast beef curtains !!! I bet she’s one Hot Pepper when she gets her freak on!

  13. Selena Gomez Wardrobe Malfunction Vagina Flash Booty Shorts
    Commented on this photo:

    Where are people seeing any hair? There is nothing to see…it’s just pantyhose. You all are acting like we got Borat up there in a thong or something.

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