Selena Gomez Is In A Bikini, Ready To Have Sex With Anyone Who’s Not Justin Bieber

May 13th, 2013 // 36 Comments
WHY?!??!?
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Late last month, Selena Gomez flew to Norway to get back together with Justin Bieber to the point where they were even posing for Instagram photos. But apparently sometime between now and then she went, “I’ve made a huge mistake,” because here she is telling Kiss 108 in Boston that not only is she available, but please, for the love of God, will someone who’s not Justin Bieber ask her out. Via Radar Online:

“So sometimes you may see a boy walking down the street and he says, ‘let’s grab an ice-cream.’ You’re available?” Selena responded, “Yep.”
When pressed, “You’re completely available in every way?,” Selena confirmed, “Yep!” And the pretty pop star, 20, even implied she’d love to get asked out, telling the DJ, “By the way, that would be awesome if someone asked if I wanted ice cream because that would be cool.”

Selena Gomez, would you like to get ice cream? Because I have access to ice cream. In fact, there’s an entire supermarket by my house fucking full of ice cream plus a Sweet Frog if you don’t a mind a 20 minute drive. I also have chest hair and descended testicles if that sweetens the pot. (Full disclosure: One hangs a little lower than the other which I’ve been told is common along with other inadequacies you can tell me aren’t a big deal while I’m naked and crying. We’ll have fun.)

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News

superficial

  1. Jay

    Fish, your evening does sound better than how she and “the Bieb” probably had………. And, seriously, who DOESN’T like ice cream?

  2. Ice cream is for children, how about a nice r̶o̶o̶f̶i̶e̶Pina Colada?

  3. Hans

    “…that would be awesome if someone asked if I wanted ice cream because that would be cool”

    We’ve got ourselves a smart one.

  4. Man, DJs and bass players get all the chicks.

  5. Ice cream? Yeah, Chris Hansen has NOTHING to do with this….

  6. When pressed, “You’re completely available in every way?,” Selena confirmed, “Yep! I’m Farrah level available.”

  7. Fun fact, they hang at different lengths so they don’t bump into each other when you run!

  8. This is some kind of elaborate sting operation.

  9. ThisWillHurt

    “Ice Cream.” That what the kids call cunnilingus these days? Goddamn slang these days.

  10. Pugiron

    Gut are you talking about? She’s flab-ulous!

  11. Yeah, not buying her bullshit. This bitch is as dumb as Rihanna. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

    As soon as she needs publicity, or money or whatever, she will run right back to him.

  12. emma watson's Vagina

    if someone really did ask her out like that I can think of two words: Restraining order

  13. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    For the love of God, would somebody move that towel!

  14. The chances of my being in even the same Zip Code as Selena Gomez being almost nil, I can only hope that Terry Richardson, some other sleazy photog, Hefner, or a film director can talk her into doing some nudity sometime in the relatively near future.

  15. Frank Burns

    That’s TMI about your nards, chief.

  16. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    And somewhere in Vermont, two portly, middle-aged men named Ben and Jerry excitedly hi-five each other, and then buy plane tickets to Miami.

    • Reginald

      About ten years ago Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield sold their ice-cream company to Unilever; the same company that makes Life Buoy soap and Surf laundry detergent.

      As I recall Cohan and Greenfield needed to change the company’s charter before anyone would even consider buying them out. Originally Cohan and Greenfield had all sorts of Socialist BS included in the way the company was structured, so much so that it made little business sense for anyone to want to purchase the company.

      Bon Appétit

  17. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Chester
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey little girl, want some candy…errr…I mean ice cream ?

  18. So all it takes is ice cream to get some attention from Selena? It’s funny because I just bought some Ben & Jerry’s. So……hit me up, Selena.

  19. Nisse

    Cute boy butt. Tits not too big. Long black shiny hair.

  20. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Teddy
    Commented on this photo:

    Hi Selena, I’m the Good Humor Man how do you do!

  21. She’s looking to replace the previous Mister Softee with a new one?

  22. Swearin

    But apparently sometime between now and then she went, “I’ve made a huge mistake”…you’re just in Arrested Development mode all-around, huh?

  23. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Taylor Swift's Tampon String
    Commented on this photo:

    Here…drink this….afterwards we will watch Teen Mom get her log launcher hammered and have a snack.

  24. Tony

    I’m game! Calling her bluff–I never could understand all the Bieber hype anyway!

  25. Selena Gomez Bikini
    elin nordegren
    Commented on this photo:

    tiger really gets around…

  26. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Throb the Wonder Mule
    Commented on this photo:

    I love her and want to lick her all over her little body.

    Damm.

  27. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Skeeter
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks great. I’d like to eat and pound her vag and anus. I bet her anus is adorable.

  28. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Jack
    Commented on this photo:

    My gosh she’s just a baby!

  29. sadadas

    i wanna fuck her tight

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