Scientology: it rids you of those overbearing alien souls that inhabit you body and keep you from reaching your full potential. But that’s not all! Scientology helped Tom Cruise get rid of all those pesky Hollywood friends and resources. It helped Kirstie Alley finally free herself from the shackles of sex-appeal (only to have the Cult of Jenny Craig come and muck things up). And it helped Jenna Elfman avoid the annoying pangs of self-awareness that would otherwise come from knowing you’re a fucking mindless tool. As you can see, it’s not just a cult. It’s scientifically proven to be a very effective celebrity support group. I mean, it has a word that sounds a lot like “science” right in the name. You can’t get any more legitimate than that! So who could possibly be better fit to cure Kate Moss of the drug addiction that’s threatening to ruin her career?
Obviously not those over-qualified rehabilitation scams.