Scientology finally comes in handy

After days of speculating over how Tom Cruise managed to get Katie Holmes pregnant (I think we settled on either “with a lot of gentle sobbing” or “with a syringe”), people have begun to speculate over whether or not the couple will follow Scientology’s “silent birth” guidelines, which dictate that Holmes cannot talk or make any noise during labor, and cannot speak with the baby for the first seven days of its life.

So help me God, I will climb into Katie Holmes’ womb right now if it’ll shut her up for seven days after I come out. Not to mention that being in his fianc