There’s A Scientology Celebrity Gala?

I’ve been writing this site for over six years now, and I’ve never once heard of a Scientology Celebrity Centre Gala, let alone seen pictures from the inside of one. So for the sake of making me look super observant, let’s pretend this is the first time they let the paparazzi inside to make them look like a happy-go-lucky religion full of recognizable models and actresses who aren’t being fucked out of a second season of a critically-acclaimed series because Xenu demands more earth money, and not a shadowy cult who makes women disappear for years until Leah Remini files a missing persons report. Although, I’m surprised they didn’t wheel Tom Cruise out and have him make love to a woman while floating in the air. “It’s practically a reflex to him,” one of the slaves serving hors d’oeuvre will tell you. “Like clenching a fist. Or firing a mind beam into a Zanthar ghost ship.”

Photos: Getty