There’s A Scientology Celebrity Gala?

August 26th, 2013 // 52 Comments
Did Not See That Coming
Leah Remini Shelly Miscavige
The LAPD Found Shelly Miscavige Read More »

I’ve been writing this site for over six years now, and I’ve never once heard of a Scientology Celebrity Centre Gala, let alone seen pictures from the inside of one. So for the sake of making me look super observant, let’s pretend this is the first time they let the paparazzi inside to make them look like a happy-go-lucky religion full of recognizable models and actresses who aren’t being fucked out of a second season of a critically-acclaimed series because Xenu demands more earth money, and not a shadowy cult who makes women disappear for years until Leah Remini files a missing persons report. Although, I’m surprised they didn’t wheel Tom Cruise out and have him make love to a woman while floating in the air. “It’s practically a reflex to him,” one of the slaves serving hors d’oeuvre will tell you. “Like clenching a fist. Or firing a mind beam into a Zanthar ghost ship.”

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. V. Putin

    Of course they have a GayLa.

  2. Perez Hilton
    Commented on this photo:

    Fake. This is like that scene in “Never Back Down” where Max drives his car into a gay strip club and leaves with only 1/1000th of his replica Darth Vader t-shirt.

  3. Cedric Bixler-Zavala Emily Armstrong Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    I will never listen to the Mars Volta again. WOW.

  4. If I understand the gay bar hand signals correctly, the one on the left wants to be “double-teamed” and the one on the right isn’t wearing any underwear.

  5. Laura Prepon Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    Dana nooooo!!!!!!!

  6. John Travolta Michael Pena Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    Xenu might want to look into some Crest White Strips there.

  7. Cedric Bixler-Zavala Emily Armstrong Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Don Draper's Dad
    Commented on this photo:

    You said celebrities!

  8. whoami

    No Catherine Bell? Or did she get some sense when it comes to “religion”?

  9. Perez Hilton
    Commented on this photo:

    One part Randy Travis to two parts Buster Poindexter. Serve with eyeliner and gothy macramé.

  10. Laura Prepon Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    I was a bad boy when you babysat me, spank me Donna

  11. Cedric Bixler-Zavala Emily Armstrong Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s got enough hair for five Travoltas. But who the fuck is he?

  12. Leilani Dowding Erika Christensen The Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn, they got to Leilani?

  13. Perez Hilton
    anonymous
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow…most people workout and lose weight and look healthier. He did and aged 20 years.

  14. John Travolta Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    “So…so, I’m in Brazil last spring shooting this commercial. And what’s the first thing you all think of when you hear “Brazil”?….. AIDS. Exactly. Every motherfucker over there made me wear a condom. Until I managed to convince a couple of them that Scientology HAS THE ANSWER TO AIDS”
    (loud applause)
    “Oh yes…oh yes. Well, needless to say, I had a great time over there.”

  15. Cedric Bixler-Zavala Emily Armstrong Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    He cut his hair with a one armed scissor.

  16. John Travolta Jenna Elfman Kelly Preston Laura Prepon Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s like “icky, icky, icky, gross, gross, gross, for the love of Xenu keep it together John.”

  17. Leilani Dowding Erika Christensen Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    What is Xenu’s fuck is wrong with the left bird’s face? Looks like somebody is stretching it in odd directions.

  18. Jack Napier

    GALA stands for Gays And Lesbians Association

  19. Cedric Bixler-Zavala Emily Armstrong Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    “Cedric Bixler-Zavala?” I thought I would never say this but putting this man in a Cult would be actually beneficial to him.

  20. Perez Hilton
    Sheppy
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s that fat guy who had pink hair?
    Geez.

  21. John Travolta Michael Pena Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Kris Jenner
    Commented on this photo:

    man that sucks, I used to like Michael Pen

  22. Cedric Bixler-Zavala Emily Armstrong Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    lol what a random Scientology callout. I stopped following TMV after Frances the Mute, but wow.

  23. John Travolta Jenna Elfman Kelly Preston Laura Prepon Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Margaret
    Commented on this photo:

    So how many times can you shuffle the same four nobodies and make it look like a crowd? Six.

  24. Jenny

    Scientology desperately want to be viewed as a mainstream religion instead of the destructive cult they emulate.

    Why the IRS ever decided to grant them religious tax status is beyond me.

  25. Michael Pena is a fucktard? Goddamnit, I actually like him.

  26. John Travolta Michael Pena Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Mr. Fahrenheit
    Commented on this photo:

    “Who has two thumbs, fake hair, and loves masseur dick? THIS GUY!”

  27. Bodhi Elfman Jenna Elfman Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Beer Baron
    Commented on this photo:

    His name may be Bodhi, but this dork does NOT live to get radical.

  28. Perez Hilton
    Beer Baron
    Commented on this photo:

    Still a better choice than Affleck.

  29. heey

    Look at all those brainwashed people. Be afraid.
    There is not a single sane thing about them.
    Their emotions have been controlled and their bank accounts have been emptied.
    And they feel really really good, because they have been told they are better than everyone else. Enlightened.
    Yeah, because enlightenment comes from dollars, secrets and being special in secret unspeakable ways.
    SUCKERS!

  30. John Travolta Jenna Elfman Kelly Preston Laura Prepon Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    If these are all of the “celebrities” that showed up to celebrate the Centre… then Leah must have these dillweeds running scared.

  31. John Travolta Michael Pena Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    KC
    Commented on this photo:

    We call this the Scientology Shocker!

  32. John Travolta Jenna Elfman Kelly Preston Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Megan Fox
    Commented on this photo:

    Not Elfman!

  33. Perez Hilton
    Jenn
    Commented on this photo:

    His forehead grew when he lost weight. His fashion sense didn’t.

  34. John Travolta Jenna Elfman Kelly Preston Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    Jenna Elfman, John Travolta, and his beard.

  35. Bodhi Elfman Jenna Elfman Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    They look like Bilbo and the Elf Queen from The Hobbit.

  36. Perez Hilton
    Commented on this photo:

    You got me Photo Boy! Good one!

  37. Cedric Bixler-Zavala Emily Armstrong Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    This isn’t Hall & Oates?

  38. John Travolta Jenna Elfman Kelly Preston Laura Prepon Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    Being surrounded by beautiful women is Travolta’s punishment for losing Leah Remini.

  39. John Travolta Michael Pena Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Commented on this photo:

    “How about a massage?”

  40. Bodhi Elfman Jenna Elfman Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    dingdong
    Commented on this photo:

    She still looks gorgeous!

  41. Cedric Bixler-Zavala Emily Armstrong Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    SamSpayed
    Commented on this photo:

    When the fuck did Samantha Ronson get hot?

  42. Perez Hilton
    thecrazybetty
    Commented on this photo:

    is that frankenstein? I would have hate to have given birth to that cranium.

  43. John Travolta Michael Pena Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre 44th Anniversary Gala
    Rob
    Commented on this photo:

    I was at the Scientology Gala event in 1989. My friend introduced me to Travolta, who greeted me by puttng me in a bear hug and lifting me off the ground. I’m dead serious. Also, one of the Miscaviges juggled while riding a unicycle.

  44. Walter White

    A collection of the lowest IQs in all of California and that’s saying something.

Leave A Comment