Scarlett Johansson wins creepiest girlfriend award

October 25th, 2007 // 98 Comments

Ryan Reynolds birthday was on Tuesday and his girlfriend Scarlett Johansson decided to get him a unique gift. You know, something that shows Ryan how much she loves him and will totally stab him in his sleep if he ever looks at another girl. A gossip hound for E! Online has the details:

“She’d just had her wisdom teeth removed, so she had one dipped in gold and strung on a necklace for him.”

Her wisdom tooth. Covered in gold. Wow. I bet for Christmas Scarlett Johannson will nail a dead bat to Ryan Reynold’s chest. Then cry after sex. God, she’s so perfect. Like something out of a dream. If I ever built a robot-woman to be my lifelong companion, I’d make it exactly like Scarlett Johansson. Except without the talking. Ha, why would I need that?

Photos: Getty Images

  1. Yes but with those tits I’d let her get away with a lot of creepiness.

  2. Texas Tranny

    I’ve always loved strap-less gowns, I think they look sexy.

  3. kpol

    That’s almost Angelina Jolie creepy. Well, Scarlett still has looks, money, and talent. I suppose taste would have been too too much to ask for.

  4. uhuh

    trying to be funny. shes WAY overratted. ryan can do better.

  5. StickToTheRedCarpet

    She is an overrated actress and a pretentious know-it-all. Yeah, I needed a 20-year-old who wears designer clothes and lives better than I could probably ever dream to tell me how to vote.

  6. PunkA

    ryan can do better?? Who the hell is RYAN?? Dude stepped up in class way above his normal company here, uhuh. That tooth will be all he has to remember what it was like being associated with an A-lister soon. Back to the M(olar) list for Ryan.

  7. spy

    To me, she’ll always be Birdy, the piano-playing kid in ‘The Man Who Wasn’t There’ who tried to give Billy Bob a hummer. What the hell was THAT about?

  8. gerard Vandenberg

    This girl was fine, sexy and had good looks and all. But simply was and still is too young to take the right and proper descissions. She let others fix them!!
    I still think this wasn’t and isn’t the right descission to mean something to this world!!

  9. fishdeath

    She’s hot. What was the story about?

  10. combustion8

    My god is she average looking.

  11. Vince Lombardi

    It’s a Jewish tradition that started in Buchenwald. And by tradition, I mean that SS guards would extract your gold teeth so that they wouldn’t get in the way of breathing in the Zyklon-B.

  12. ohnoitsmagic!


    Creepy as fuck.

  13. IWONKY

    She kinda looks like that Posh Spice Victoria Beckham thing.

  14. flavio

    sure its weird, but i like weird girls. however, weird girls are NEVER that sexy. jeeeezus h christ in a can she is sooo gorgeous!

  15. Frick

    Boyfriend & girlfriend…yeh right. She’s a lezbo and he’s gay. I wouldn’t be surprised if her girlfriend was Jessica Biehl.

  16. Auntie Kryst

    I don’t think the gold tooth thing is all that creepy. It’s oddly unique maybe, but not creepy. In any event she is a gorgeous woman. The other good thing she supposedly parties like a rock star but has the class to keep it somewhat underwraps. That Ryan guy is a lucky SOB. Happy birthday asshole.

  17. Hecubus

    I’d rather have a rubber mold of her vagina or a picture of her tits but hey a tooth’s better than nothing. At least you could jack off while stabbing yourself in the cock with it and and saying, ‘Ouch Scarlett damn it I said no biting’. In fact if you’re going to be using your imagination anyway I guess it doesn’t even have to be Scarlett’s tooth, now where does my mother keep her false teeth ?

  18. kpol

    #15 –

    My penis disagrees with you. It says, Scarlett is hot and Posh looks like an experiment gone horribly wrong. Admittedly, he’s not much of a conversationalist, but he has gotten me this far in life.

  19. D. Richards

    Too bad Copperfield couldn’t have raped Scarlett. Maybe in the future.

  20. She meant to give him her pussy lined in gold, not her tooth. Unfortunately, the gold-dipper inspected the wrong gums.

  21. toolboy

    Just take whatever falls off or out of her body and consider it a gift. 20 years from now we can start growing a few more Scarlett’s from the DNA in that toof.

  22. Hollyweird

    That’s nasty ! why doesn’t she just dip a used tampon in gold and give it to him !

  23. combustion8

    that must be one big toof, cus her jaw is friggin ginormous.

  24. veggi

    She should have given him the special boxed DVD set with all the episodes of “Flipper.”

  25. @26 Veggi – I would rather get Gental Ben

  26. jrzmommy

    She bronzes her tampons.
    EEL! That’s nasty. SORRY!

  27. jebusislord

    I’m not going to be the one to ask TT who he gave his gold-plated schlong to.

  28. Wilma

    For her birthday he should give her a box of Cherokee hair tampons.

  29. RP

    worst. jrz. trolling. ever.

  30. Ryan Reynolds

    I hope this creepy bitch never gets a mastectomy.

  31. veggi

    26, 27, 28- quit talking to yourself fucktard.

  32. whackjob

    went to hit the picture of her “here’s my-head-can-spin-completely-around” picture and Yack!! my eyes!

    For fuck’s sake, do we need 30mega-pixel close-ups (of anybody)?? Zoom in any closer and we’ll be able to see her DNA.

    Oh, and she has nice tits. More close-ups of those.

  33. Ugh

    What a coincidence — I just got all 4 of my wisdom teeth out this Tuesday. And it hurts like a bitch (but that’s because I’m not on any pain medication).

  34. blarg

    this is actually kind of a trend among young hip people today. maybe “trend’ is too strong of a word, but it’s not uncommon. i know several people who have done this and given the gold-dipped teeth to their best friends to wear. it sounds weird and maybe it’s still creepy, but scarlett didn’t invent it.

  35. IWONKY

    #20, Thanks for catching me. I keep forgetting to switch back to penisthink. Okay, well I slapped it around a couple of times and now my penis thinks Scarlett should change her hair from Posh’s hairdo so he won’t mistake Scarlett for Posh again in the future. Don’t worry, my penis doesn’t talk much between thoughts either, except whenever he thinks that frighteningly plastic Posh Beckham blowup doll is near.

  36. kpol

    #37 – Happy we could help.

  37. Dumbest present EVER

  38. bigSTEAMYone

    She should dip her boobs in gold. Now that’s what i call a good present ……MMMMMM !!!!…. Golden Hooters .

  39. BunnyButt

    I don’t think it’s all that weird, but I guess my opinion is skewed. I had to have four molars pulled, and I had them made into charms to hang from a bracelet … along with a couple of small sharks teeth … and a chunk of metal extracted from a foot injury. Oh, shit. I’m freak. Time to sign me up for therapy.

  40. Fumus

    That’s not creepy, I made a necklace out of my wisdom teeth and they weren’t even dipped in gold. Besides, people have shark tooth necklaces, and bear claws…how is this any different…this is just the tooth from a really really really hot actress. really really really

  41. P.T.Bull

    He’s just lucky she didn’t get a hysterectomy!

  42. DC

    Piggie! Piggie!! Piggie!!! When will America break out of its slumber on this girl?!!

  43. PETER

    she is super hot, and there is word of a sextape!

  44. Ript1&0

    Yeah it’s almost as creepy as not talking to a person for months and then finding out they’ve taken over your favourite website, huh? How romantic.

    At least she didn’t cut off her ear. Ooooo… Who’s creeped out now?

  45. yea right there is no sextape! I would know.

  46. joe

    @30 LOL that was one underrated SNL skit.

  47. Vince Lombardi

    What would have made it super hot is if Scarlett had ripped her teeth out herself with nothing more than Jack Daniels for the pain.

  48. ugly faced skank she is

    what is this chick’s ethnic background? She aint in the least hot. Kinda ugly is the kisser.

  49. ha8ter

    Something about her makes her ugly at certain angles. She bugs me.

  50. mikesmith


    I will solve this conundrum of a mystery for you, as it was revealed to me on another superfish forum yesterday. The reason she is kind of ugly, yet so hyped up by the media and hollywood moguls is that she’s a ….(see surprise answer below)

    Yeah, I kept getting mixed feelings about her from my various body parts:

    Ears: “They say she’s pretty hot & seems to be in a bunch of movies, is chased after by the hollywood elite, paperazi etc.”

    Eyes: “Well she seems to have a decent body & blonde hair, nice tits…eyes are kind of beady though….hmmm”

    Nose: “Dude, you’ll never get close enough”

    Dick: “I’d fuck her”

    Brain: “Something not quite right about her, maybe her nose?”
    Brain: “Gotta be her smile, makes her look like a horse”
    Brain: “Remember the beady eyes?”
    Brain: “Just found out she’s jewish, that explains it!”

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