Scarlett Johansson will do you

January 20th, 2006 // 29 Comments

scarlett-johansson.jpgAnd anybody else for that matter. Just buy her a drink, be dressed like a pirate, and most importantly, don’t be Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. Beause that’s the one person she won’t do.

Scarlett Johansson says she doesn


  1. This IS the woman who did Benicio Del Toro in an elevator. What is he, like 30 years older than her? I think after that, all bets are off. And sex in an elevator? How fast is he? I mean, MOST guys take a little longer than the 30 seconds or so it takes to go up or down. Just sayin……

    That Rhys-meyers guy is lame. He has called himself a “fashionista”. I just can’t respect that.

  2. I know Scarlett’s feelings on monogamy, but how does she feel about monogamous bukkake? Can human beings really go their whole lives being bukkake’d by the same fifty guys? It’s just unnatural to expect that of anyone.

  3. HollyJ

    When a proud and admitted total whore even refuses to sleep with you, you’ve arrived at the rock bottom.

  4. Oh Please, look at the guy….gee, a gay actor?! What a shock.

  5. Larry

    I find it to be very disconcerting that Scarlett is running around jumping on every flagpole that salutes her.

    I mean, how many partners does that mean she will have before she finally settles down to getting schtupped by me every night?

  6. SuperSpence

    Does this mean that Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is allowed to touch Scarlett’s titties at award ceremonies? Because if so, I’m going to have to kill that British poofter and assume his identity. I can play a British homosexual. I’ll just find ways to get the words ‘crumpet’ and ‘ass-monkey’ into every other sentence.

  7. Bad Scarlett.

    Bad, naughty Scarlett.

    Picking on a gay man, just because he’s got better taste in shoes than her.

    For shame!

  8. I thought you were talking about Johanthon Rys-Davies.

    I’m not even sure who this other guy is.

  9. Sheva

    Saw this guy on the Globes and he was incomprehensible and seemed just disoriented and very gay. And he’s an Irish poofter by the way.

    Scarlet just killed his chance for any big payday as a leading man.

    Nice going girlfriend.

  10. Queen LaQueefah

    I know who he is. And I don’t care if he’s gay, gay men are my perfect companions anyway. I’ll take him shoe shopping with me and then he will listen to my gossip and give me a manicure and sex me up real good with his perfect gay-man body. Who WOULDN’T want a gay husband?

  11. spliff

    yes sheva the naughty boy is irish,
    now normally it would annoy me to have him refered to as british, myself being a fenian terrorist with a nasty hatred of all things anglo, but since i detest his mincing acting skills im willing to overlook superspence’s
    faux pas and nail his pasty noggin to the gates of westminster

  12. becca11

    I saw him at the golden globes, his girlfriend is hotter than scarlett johansen.scarlett prob tried to do him and he turned her down so shes getting back at him .

  13. Jayne

    what an utter bitch.
    And not in a cute respectable manner either.

  14. Captain Awesome

    Hahaha I love this hot bitch, seriously.

  15. Jayne

    She’s just mad b/c Meyers sneaked a peek at her boobs during MatchPoint.
    Bitter bitch, indeed.

    I need to find the god damn link though

  16. Mady

    I liked Scarlett before I started reading superficial. She’s turning out to be one of those ignorant princess starlets.

    I think my mind truly changed when I read she supports Arnold Schwarzenegger.

  17. rivercmb

    Jonathan Rhys-Meyers does seem like a fruit, he was in “Velvet Goldmine” after all. That’s gotta burn you, like going to war.

    But his girlfriend at the Globes looked goddamned amazing. So what if he probably tries on her dresses. I would too, it’s helps masturbation.

  18. daria405

    Ummm…she’s really liberal, so I’m not sure where you read that she supports Ahhnold.

  19. HughJorganthethird

    I’m not sure I want to know what a “velvet goldmine” is.

    OK, yes I do.

  20. butterflyyygirl

    “Velvet Goldmine” is David Bowie’s code for mangina. I am a huge Bowie fan, and, even as a straight woman, enjoy a little androgynous ass pirating onscreen. Especially if the guys are Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Christian Bale (back before he got skinny for The Machinist and buff for Batman) and Ewan McGregor. If Scarlet would put Velvet Goldmine on in the background as she is hosting her swinging orgies, even the straightest guys would have to say, “damn, that man on man lovin is SEXY.”

  21. Captain Awesome

    “I think my mind truly changed when I read she supports Arnold Schwarzenegger.”

    What’s this horseshit about? link please??

  22. convictchick

    i dont think johnnys gay. hes just a bit camp. like robbie williams. americans dont get straight men who are camp. its just not in their realm of understanding. and before you yanks rip my head off, thats not an insult….just an observation. so ssshhhh now.

    and so apparently scarlett is a whore. but a hot whore. yay for her!

  23. butterflyyygirl

    I totally agree with you convictchick. Well put.

  24. thunderbolt

    Someone better tell this chick that unlike diamonds, titties aren’t forever. When you have a face like a gerbil that’s just had its wisdom teeth out, you’d better hope those babies go the distance, or you’ll end up like Courtney Love.

  25. zena marie

    Eh, she’s manipulating people’s perception of her via the media like all celebs try to do.

    Since she’s being marketed as a super-sexy Monroe-esque femme fatale she “doesn’t believe in monogamy”, of course not! No girl so ‘constantly hot to trot’ could entertain the concept… No girl with hordes of males, married and single, vying to share get their paws on her boobies could possibly believe in monogamy!

    Her quip about Rhys-Meyers was kind of vapid and she wasn’t thinking how it might put him in a wierd light — it sounds like she was merely distancing herself from her leading man (“No, I am NOT involved, not even mentally, with my co-star!!”).

  26. PostAcidYouth

    I’m not sure where all this Scarlett Is Hot stuff came from. She has a good stylist and makeup artist, and under the thick makeup is a very plain girl. See Ghost World for reference.

  27. derekd

    So far Scarlett’s claim to fame is starring in the most overrated film of the decade. Lost In Translation. That and her beautiful knockers.

  28. Badass

    fucking awesome. good work with disclosing your pansy ass co-star’s sexual preferences. We all had our speculations.

  29. yeah, but at some point people will stop wanting to do her….she’ll be like the next paris hilton – a biohazard…

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