Scarlett Johansson wears bikini in Jamaica

April 18th, 2006 // 312 Comments
superficial

  1. Don'tPanic

    She is hot as hell, and definitely NOT fat. She looks great, women are supposed to be curvy.

    (And I am a straight woman, so that’s no excuse for failing to see how completely hot she is).

  2. PapaHotNuts

    Look at that second pic- she looking down the beach, with her hands on the back of her bikini, about to take them off.

    “Yeah, Josh. I see them. I’m gonna get ready.”

    “Told you they’d be here.”

    “Sorry for doubting you, I just didn’t think the entire Duke Lacrosse team would come to Jamaica.”

    “You gotta learn to trust me. Now just lie there and put up a little fight now and then. That’s how they like it. Oh, and tell them your name is Laquentia.”

  3. wordsjustwontwork

    HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA 52

  4. DaveBenner

    I gotta agree with #27 – that sure doesn’t look like the sexiest woman on the planet, FHM’s opinion be damned. Is she hot? Sure. Does she have an awesome, natural body? Absolutely. Do I, and all of you, know plenty of girls that look better in a bikini? Without a doubt. Not to take anything away from her, but come on, in the WORLD? I’d hit it (with glee), but halfway through I’d probably start thinking about the dime that waitresses near my work or some other shit.

  5. (raising hand) I have a question: what’s she doing with him???

  6. I just noticed, why are those two tools wearing sunglasses while they are swimming. What idiots.

  7. A Nobody

    She’s probably the only person left in Hollywood who isn’t anorexic.

    *a year later*

    It’s official, everybody in Hollywood is unhealthy.

  8. brewdick

    the tits are real people, stretching, standing on someone’s shoulders and leaning makes them move…hence the lopsided look.

  9. andrewthezeppo

    I thought her breasts were real…but then I realized there is a reason she is always wearing a pushup bra. It looks like she has flesh colored beach ball under her cheap bikini, look how circular they are in the fist pic…weird.

  10. biatcho

    butterface

  11. PapaHotNuts

    I’d put some nut-butter on her face.

  12. A Nobody

    you dudes are gettin’ a bit too picky. At least the bitch has boobies…

    http://www.flickr.com/images/spaceball.gif

    AAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. A Nobody

    Forget that link, it’s broken.

    Here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/voxefx/130811878/

    AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

  14. Ms Crackalackin

    She’s not fat, but she looks like she could really hit that “wall” after 25 that some of you guys here talk about. Her face isn’t pretty to begin with, unless you love pugs. She’s pretty ordinary in every sense.

  15. biatcho

    oh gross. Seeing all these super-white fat chicks in bikinis just reminded me that it’s officially that time of year to lay off the doritos, reese’s pieces, peanut M&Ms, ruffles, meat & potatoes. Hooray for coke-season!

  16. wordsjustwontwork

    ugh why do they always want to wear patterns

  17. seminole

    thank you thank you thank you, I’ve been waiting for at least one decent, straight-up bikini pic of her and she looks great.

    yeah, she’s fair skinned, she’s got curves, she’s got real and totally awesome breasts, she’s a fuckin’ real woman. Frankly, I think she looks even better than I had imagined, because after all the bullshit tease pics where she’s have covered or laying on her stomache, I was starting to wonder if she had a beer gut or something.

    she’ll probably get heavier in a few years, but until then she’s great.
    here’s to real breasts, and here’s to fair-skinned girls who are hot and don’t need spray-on or fake bake melanoma tans.

  18. bella420

    24- spot on, except you forgot the part about Tom loving the cock

  19. seminole

    “oh no, a blemish and a bruise! I’d better go fry the shit out of my skin so no one can see it!”

    whateva

  20. SuperSpence

    #18 PAPAHOTNUS Wrote: I’d fuck her on top of Mother Theresa’s grave while my grandmother filmed it.

    REPLY: Amen, Papa. I would also bang her on top of Mother Theresa’s grave while my grandmother filmed it. If your grandmother still had film left, I’d do it all over again on Gandhi’s grave. He was into that whole ‘make love, not war’ thing so it’d probably be cool with the police.

  21. newbondsux

    I took another long look – I’ve got two words…Yum-O! I’d drink a tub of her bathwater.

  22. seminole

    and if you want to see what real fat and disgusting chicks look like in bikinis(as opposed to totally hot and curvy ones), come to my neck of the country–the Jersey or Maryland shores.
    ugh

  23. SuperSpence

    P.S. I’ve never hated a human being more than I hate Josh Hartnett. He’s worse than Hitler, Stalin, and Genghis Khan all rolled into one big tyrannical ball. He’s worse than Osama. He’s worse than Mao and Pol Pot and Mengele. I effin’ hate Josh effin’ Hartnett!

    He’s banging my future wife and it just ain’t cool.

    BTW, how’s that career goin’, Josh? Been in any big blockbusters lately, you wife-stealing, wooden-acting sonofabitch.

    I hate Josh Hartnett.

  24. Italian Stallion

    I wore that same bikini at the beach last weekend but my balls were hanging out the bottom and scaring all the children. Needless to say, I spent the weekend in jail getting repeatedly ass raped…..

    BEST EASTER EVER………….

  25. newbondsux

    #72 I saw those…Mariah something….

  26. biatcho

    69: oh I love it when I guess right. Once I saw the “whateva” I thought “Long Island or Jersey”. sweet. jersey sucks.

  27. Tracy

    Ugly bikini, fake boobs. That’s one out of every two girls on the beach these days.

  28. A Nobody

    Well, I guess after being drowned by pictures of Paris Hilton for all these years, we just can’t realize it anymore when an actual woman’s picture is in the site.

  29. PocketRocket

    I’d love to see the look on her rather odd face when I slip her “The Shocker.” Two in the Pink, One in the Stink!

    Nice tits, anyways!

    Oh yeah . . . Tom Cruise loves the COCK!

  30. biatcho

    “the shocker”, never heard that one before (rolls eyes).
    Someone learned a new, funny saying & couldn’t wait to use it on here!!

  31. biatcho

    “the shocker”, never heard that one before (rolls eyes).
    Someone learned a new, funny saying & couldn’t wait to use it on here!!

  32. ESQ

    She got her tits done and has an enormous bug bite on her. Definitely looks like a Wal-Mart special bikini..

  33. brewdick

    just noticed something…is josh smelling his fingers?

    Josh “is that ahi is smell?”

  34. brewdick

    i smell not is smell damn these coke gitters!

    oh yea and tom loves the cock!

  35. mamacita

    @63 Dude, in that link you posted…what the HELL is Kelly Clarkson laughing at??????

    On the subject of Scarlett Johansson, that bitch is SUPAFLY. Josh Hartnett’s eyebrows are crazy and I think his new hairstyle/facial hair combo makes him look very molester-y. Additionally, am I the only one who doesn’t give a FUCK what gogoboots looks like in a bikini or that she has “big ass boobs”?

  36. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    She should give those tits to someone more deserving, someone with a pretty face and a hard little body, someone… someone like me. I’m going to stare longingly out the window clutching my teddy bear until it happens.

  37. newbondsux

    @85 – I guess I’d kinda like to see gogoboots in a bikini. sorry.

  38. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    #47 – You’re fat. Go stick your finger down your throat, you’re making us sick with your mounds of jiggling grease.

  39. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I’m going to paraphrase Super Troopers, so pardon me if this isn’t one that will go in my “Best of Oshkosh” series, coming this Fall: “Jealousy is a stinky cologne”

  40. Spangler

    Scarlett’s too big. Lindsay’s too small. Mariah’s too big. Nicole’s too small. Is anyone just right to you people?! There’s nothing scandalous about Scarlett so we’ve got to make fun of her bikini. I agree, its ugly, but maybe she wanted to wear one she could be comfortable in and not worry about ruining. I think she looks great (besides the hideous binkini).

  41. Spangler

    Scarlett’s too big. Lindsay’s too small. Mariah’s too big. Nicole’s too small. Is anyone just right to you people?! There’s nothing scandalous about Scarlett so we’ve got to make fun of her bikini. I agree, its ugly, but maybe she wanted to wear one she could be comfortable in and not worry about ruining. I think she looks great (besides the hideous binkini).

  42. Spangler

    Scarlett’s too big. Lindsay’s too small. Mariah’s too big. Nicole’s too small. Is anyone just right to you people?! There’s nothing scandalous about Scarlett so we’ve got to make fun of her bikini. I agree, its ugly, but maybe she wanted to wear one she could be comfortable in and not worry about ruining. I think she looks great (besides the hideous binkini).

  43. Star Maker Machinery

    She’s no Raquel Welch, but she’s got nice tits.

    Josh Hartnett is a squinty-eyed hack.

  44. Ill. That bikini IS tacky. I bet she bought it at the girft shop, last minute. Also, its hard to find “cute bikinis” when you have HUGE boobs!

  45. PapaHotNuts

    It was bad enough your post was as funny as dick cancer, but you had to do it three times?? C’mon Spangler, you’re better than that. Shake the tail when you walk.

  46. biatcho

    Note to all: I think I figured out a way to avoid looking like a fart by posting the same post multiple times: just hit your back button when you get the error message & then hit refresh. It seems to work for me… except for that time 20 minutes ago when it completely didn’t.

  47. biatcho

    And I am so super smart for figuring that out too by the way…

  48. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    94 – Putting severed goat heads in the front of your dirty clown suit does not count as having huge boobs, Mateo. May I also say, as one who has had many fat girl friends, just because your breasts are big doesn’t mean your big fat thighs and stomach are justifiable. It had to be said.

  49. Spacedog

    I agree #67.
    Not the most slammin woman on earth, but I wouldn’t waste any time making a map of Hawaii on her chest.

  50. mamacita

    @95 Hee hee. Dick cancer.

    @89 What’s happening, meow?

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