Scarlett Johansson & Ryan Reynolds wed

September 28th, 2008 // 38 Comments

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds quietly wed this weekend in Canada, People reports:

Attended by only a handful of close friends and family, the ceremony was held at a remote wilderness retreat outside of Vancouver, B.C.
This is the first marriage for both. The couple had announced their engagement in May.

Ryan Reynolds can marry Scarlett Johansson wherever the hell he wants. I’m still going to try and squeeze her breasts through my monitor. I’m a man of princi- “SMASH!” …. Heh. *picks up phone* Hello, Tech Support. Yeah, another one. Uh huh. Last time, seriously. I promise. Uh huh. Fifteen minutes? Fantastic.

UPDATE: “SMASH!” Honest to God, I swear I felt a nipple that time.

Photos: Splash News

  1. needAnAlias

    bomdigity bomb! today indeed is a good day. FRIST

  2. sigh

    Saddest day in history.

  3. Damn the fool who took those beautiful knockers off the market

  4. ph7

    Too bad you just can marry her boobs. Must easier to care for, and best return on investment.

  5. Yea, she’s one classy bra buster…with natural lipses!!!!

  6. SSZ

    Oh no, another of Esquire’s Most Beautiful Woman winner taken.
    She’ll be back for me some day.

  7. grobpilot


  8. Mdiz

    Best tits in Hollywood….PERIOD! (This coming from a motorboating sonofa bitch!)

  9. farty_mcshitface

    so miss overated married some guy. bfd!
    she ain’t ugly but, she ain’t so great either. women like lacey chabert are so much hotter!!

  10. The one and ONLY reason he maried this”EMPTY SKULL” are those damn big TITS!!
    be honest: WHAT ELSE?

  11. blah

    Ugly dress, over rated girl. And isn’t she lesbo & Ryan gay? I’m confus-ed. Maybe she’s the “man” in the relationship; with her manly voice. But I must say, I do love me some Ryan Reynolds comedies; the guy is good. Well, what can I say?…its Monday morning and I’m a bitch. Shut up bitch. Yeh, shut it.

  12. Brutor

    “I now pronounce you man and wife. You may motorboat the bride.”

  13. Woody Allen

    I guess she won’t be sucking on my cock anymore

  14. havoc

    Aside from the tits. This is hardly earth-shattering.


  15. Married in Canada. I sense there is some homosexual activity here

  16. What a nipple! I can feel it thru the canvas. Thanks thesuperficial!

  17. combustion8

    she’s so overrated and very average looking at that.

  18. fat balding loser

    She doesn’t look good at all. I bang better looking chics all the time

  19. I heard during the reception that Alanis Morissette came repelling in on wires, screeching and screaming, with her teeth bared. Many guests at first thought she was some type of whale (poor Alanis has put some weight on). She then repelled down onto Ryan Reynold’s douchey back, and sunk her teeth into his neck, pulling out his larynx. It was some reception!

  20. lithiumlilly

    I wanted Ryan Reynolds :(

    I don’t think she’s ugly, but her cheeks and lips are kinda strange. RR was probably better off with Alanis. SJ is probably going to cheat on him.

  21. Dr. John Thomas

    Another case of an average (at best) looking girl who is popular only because of her breasts. If she were an A Cup, she’d have been taking on the roles Lili Taylor had twenty years ago.

  22. meee

    i like her, but why is she walking all hunched over & weird?

  23. mamadough

    i agree #20, he’ll be leaving her. i give it less than 2 years. ryan reynolds could make even the hardest, butchiest bull-dykes like #19 cream all over.

  24. I love Ryan Reynolds. I think these two make a cute couple. Wonder if they will actually last past the typical H’wood one year mark?

  25. true dat peeps

    big knockers, full cocksucking lips nice pale complexion, average face-she’s a keeper-for now anyways i think i’d have her deepthroat me first so i could shoot my wad then last longer in her big ass

  26. Spinna

    Very nice, I’d be motorboatin’ all day.

  27. Barack Hussein Obama

    Lousy actress and ugly flapjack breasts…but she’s voting for ME!

  28. Well congrats to her, and I hope it lasts.

  29. naomi

    i’m so glad, i love her and him so much :)

  30. Effyeray

    Dave Coulier is still cooler than Reynolds until Alanis sings about smokin’ his pole……

  31. lidsay

    She’s so cute and adorable!!
    All sexy young men and hot cougars on === === go crazy about her!! the place where hot cougars and sexy young men;and handsome old folks with sensual chicks meet and mingle! You may wanna check it out!LOL

  32. getoverit

    i used to think she was great…but lately i have seen through the hype (and her snotty ass ‘i’m smarter than you even though i don’t have a degree and i lie about cohorting with politicians to feel important’ attitude has been turning me off). i think i liked the idea of her…curvy, blonde, big boobs, classic but different, nice lips, good style…like really hot components but they were natural. now, when i look at it all together its just like ‘blah’ at best. still better than like kiera knightly or jordan or somethng. i think the best discription i have heard was ‘pretty but dull and odd without distinction.’

  33. xavierh

    In related news, I heard Alanis has a new album out, called “Fuck You, You Big-Breasted Whore.” It’s a concept album.

  34. Lexoka



  35. brittney gean

    like have you seen her nast streched out boobs… omg… like ryan i totally think u need to get back with alanis…. omg, like she has total wife potential, scarlett has been with j.t and many others… so gross……

  36. Plastique

    Listen, Alanis HAD her chance to get breast implants, but she passed on it. So, what choice did Ryan have?

  37. natalie

    Hollywood wedding? I give it 8 months.

  38. JP

    NOOOOOO!!!!!!! I HEAD YOU RYAN!!!!….MALDITA SEA XQ XQ XQ!!!!????????

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