Scarlett Johansson Questions Monogamy

December 22nd, 2005 // 33 Comments

*scarlett_johansson_thumb4.jpgJosh Hartnett better keep his eyes open, because his girl Scarlett Johansson has claimed that monogamy is unnatural .

She says, “I don’t think human beings are monogamous by nature. It’s difficult – you have to put a lot of effort into a relationship.” She also gave her thoughts on dating actors, saying “I think it’s hard for actors to date each other because they are so damn moody. You are away from people constantly and having a relationship that is strictly by phone, it is miserable. Or if you say to him/her, ‘Hey, (even though) I am doing a very sexy scene with this very sexy girl/boy, I love you and I’m going to be thinking of you when I am rolling around in bed with this person!’”

I love the gender-ambiguity in this quote. It gives me free rein to imagine Scarlett in debauched sex scenes with any number of beautiful young actresses. Mostly porn actresses. Filmed in my basement. In any case, I hope Josh Hartnett isn’t the jealous type. I’m not saying I’m going to steal Scarlett away from him. Unless you consider marathon sex sessions involving spaghetti, naked mimes, and an eighty-gallon fish tank to be stealing. Prudes.


  1. drowningfool

    Anyone else sick and tired of hearing about Scarlett’s life? I get the feeling she is starting to think she is God’s gift to humanity. Which she is, of course, until she hits 30.

  2. thanto

    What a slut! “I don’t think human beings are monogamous by nature.”——> is another way of saying “I’m a SLUT”.

  3. Puppies McFarlan

    She was so cool in Lost In Translation. Then there was everything else she’s ever done or said.

  4. superficielle

    I agree with Scarlett about not being monogamous naturally.

    Saying it is unnatural to want someone else when in a committed relationship is a bit delusional.

    Commitment is not something that just happens naturally after someone becomes part of a couple. It takes work and is a concious decision. It only works because you want it too, not becauase it’s natural.

    And, it is true what she is saying about being an actor–all those that say it’s just “acting” are not being honest.

    She’s just trying to be real. I guess she can be pretentious but I am still a huge fan.

    Love her.

  5. sedation

    Even in Lost in Translation she was nothing but a whiny rich white girl sulking around in her huge (by normal Tokyo hotel room standards)suite complaining that there was nothing to do but go sightseeing while spending her husband’s money. That movie really disappointed me. And Scarlett does too.

  6. MortyFishbein

    Well, I think she wants to be the pre-pubescent boy set’s answer to Angelina Jolie.

    “I served with Angelina Jolie. Angelina Jolie was a friend of mine. You, ma’am, are no Angelina Jolie!”

  7. thunderbolt

    It’s interesting that she describes actors as “moody,” as if moodiness were unique to that profession. In case she hasn’t noticed, non-actors can also be pretty moody. They are, however, more likely to feign unselfishness in an attempt to convince her that they love her as much as she loves herself.

    Actors are some of the least intelligent beings on the planet.

  8. Sheva

    It’s beat up on Scarlett day here, no? What is she like 20 years old? Saw her on Leno. She looked great and clearly had taken up an exercise program. Wasn’t looking matronly like she did in Lost in Translation.

    Okay, she didn’t have much to say on Leno. But she is only 20 years old or so for cying out loud.

    Let her grow up a bit. Heck, those breasts are not going anywhere.

  9. JerseyGirl

    Doesn’t she sound like she has marbles in her mouth when she talks? PS I don’t think she’s that pretty. She’s just moody.

  10. drowningfool

    Scarlett needs to stop taking her hooker pills and read some biology books. Men are not naturally monogamous but women are. From an evolutionary standpoint (not that anyone in this country believes in evolution anymore) it is to the woman’s advantage to be monogamous because back in the day women needed someone to protect her while she was pregnant and to protect her and the children.

    Unfortunately, since humans these days are not influenced by the forces of natural selection anymore the “whore” gene is slowly being integrated into our gene pool when in nature it would have been instantly eliminated.

  11. bluecanary

    Ha. Post number 1 sums up what I was going to log on and say. Who cares about Scarlett Johannsen’s ruminations on life and relationships? Who appointed her Buddha?

    She should stick to what she knows: mediocre acting and pushing her breast to new and ever more painful to look at heights.

  12. The words Scarlett Johansson and monogamy do not mix, now that I think about it.

    That makes me sad.

    I’m going to go drink some bleach now.

  13. The only people I have heard say “I don’t think human beings are monogamous by nature.” or something along those lines where the ones that couldn’t keep their dick in their pants or their legs closed.

  14. ThatsHot

    Yeah, monogomy does suck. But there’s an easy way to avoid being conflicted: DON’T COMMIT!!! I mean, if you want to fuck around, just say so. The other person should respect you more for your honesty. Unless they’re a territorial psycho. Then you have my permission to beat the living shit out of them then spit in their face. However if you happen to be one of those who can get down with the one partner thing, well then good for you! Kudos! But come on people, get off ScarJo’s back. She can’t help if she thinks her shit don’t stink. She’s been forcefed a bunch of bullshit about how groundbreaking and intense she is and how she’ll change the face of young Hollywood since she came into the public eye. She’s been brainwashed, the poor dear. But she does have one thing in her favor (or 2 if you want to get technical): big boobies.

  15. ~S.Starr~

    WOW…a lot of people have one track minds. Just because you don’t think monogamy is natural doesn’t mean you “cant’t keep their dick in their pants or their legs closed (as one person said). I don’t believe in mogonomy…and I am not a huge turbo slut. In fact I am extremely picky about who I choose to sleep with. Not many have had the honors…

    It is really sad that in todays society “thinking” is really an option.

  16. crabbyoldguy

    Well, so Scarlett isn’t so sure about mahogany.

    Who can blame her? It’s difficult to work with…let alone to stain and then keep from having the finish ruined.


  17. Captain Awesome

    I’d hit it like it owed me money.

  18. derekd

    Awww. Your “moody”. Cry me a fuckin’ river. Or get your assistant to. Christ. How quickley people lose perspective when everyone around you is kissing your ass.

  19. curiousone

    she’s hot!

  20. celebritywhore

    She sounds pretty normal to me. I’m fucking moody, and long-distance relationships do suck ass, and I’m not even an actor.

  21. lilgrasshoppah

    Sigh. You know, such naked insecurity really leaves me cold.

    Scarlett’s so hot, she’s partially responsible for climate change. She is easily one of the top three most talented actresses of her generation.

    That being said, whatever her views on monogamy/relationships… etc, are not connected with her looks or her craft.

    I mean Jesus! So she’s prettier than you, richer than you, and/or you don’t have a hope of talking to her, let alone swapping fluids with her. Get over yourselves. If you agree, or disagree with something she said, present your argument. But whining about her looks is not an argument. Take for fucking ball and go home, you wimps. Mature people don’t put up with shit.

  22. bob

    Haha, poor lilgrasshopper got offended and is probably weeping softly in his parent’s basement while masturbating to Lost In Translation. Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but every celeb gets trashed on this site. If you can’t handle it, maybe you should “take your ball and go home”. Wimp.

  23. bob

    Haha, poor lilgrasshopper got offended and is probably weeping softly in his parent’s basement while masturbating to Lost In Translation. Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but every celeb gets trashed on this site. If you can’t handle it, maybe you should “take your ball and go home”. Wimp.

  24. lilgrasshoppah

    bob, speaking of masturbation…

    you seem to have jizzed on your computer whilst doin’ the old one hand typing method, and now your mouse sticks… or did you double-post because you’re a fucking moron?

    Look, I am aware that all the celebrities get trashed on this site. Pat yourself on the back, bucko, because that’s certainly a grown up thing to do. I just wish that the lot of you could at least make your insecurity at least faintly amusing. Consider me unentertained, ‘s’all I’m saying.

    PS: my parents don’t have a basement, and it’s a Love Song For Bobby Long…. close though, you little psychic, you!

  25. HollyJ

    NEW RULE: Limit: Only one piece of worthless crap said by Scarlett per day. Thanks.

  26. Captain Awesome

    Update: Would hit it until I had no more bodily fluids.

  27. slinkhard

    ‘I just wish that the lot of you could at least make your insecurity at least faintly amusing.’

    Couldn’t you make your lame defense of her a little more amusing, then, please? The PS was a good start, try to keep it in that vein.

    ‘Men are not naturally monogamous but women are.’

    I think if forced to date drowningfool, I would quickly become polygamous.

    Anyway, I actually agree with Scarlett, but she’s so pretentious and irritating that I must still issue a STFU to her. The fifth of this week.

  28. vanya_k

    drowningfool seems to have swallowed the standard 1950′s version of gender reality: “‘Men are not naturally monogamous but women are.”…?
    Ever wonder why women can have multiple orgasms — one right after the other — and 99.9% of men are good for oneor two shots a session?
    Basically some people are naturally monoigomous and some aren’t — like some are tone deaf and some have a naturally tuned “ear”.

    All that separates Scarlett Johansson from a fate like Britney’s is a hard case of “nesting urge”. She’d be out in fuzzy slippers and hair rollers, buying economy sized jars of mayo if she hooked up with a babymaker.
    Spare us your pearls of wisdom Scarlett… it’s already a little deep in here.

  29. drowningfool

    The only “unentertaining” thing about these posts are those pretentious ass-wipes moaning that they are not entertained by the posts. I don’t post to entertain…I post because I’m bored and love to spread hatred…which is a perfectly admirable and respectable thing to do I think.

  30. cat

    I bet she smells bad

  31. lilgrasshoppah

    How’s this…?

    Scarlett has such nice boobies I can pleasure myself without TOUCHING myself. No?

    Then maybe, some people call her self-absorbed, I say her vagina has the gravitational pull of a black hole, pulling penises (penii?) to her like asteroids at the event horizon….?

    To obscure…? I guess so. Maybe this whole ‘being funny’ thing isn’t as easy as I thought.

    Life is so confusing. But Scarlett DOES have perfect boobies… and her voice … speaks to me ;)

  32. zena marie

    I like the black hole/penii one lilgrasshopper. Not hilarious but it’s got the intellectual spark of science the imagery is great.

  33. Bella

    my dealer looks like josh hartnett

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