Scarlett Johansson is the sexiest

March 28th, 2006 // 76 Comments

*scarlett_johansson_sexiest.jpgAccording to a poll in FHM magazine, Scarlett Johansson is the world’s sexiest woman. Readers voted the actress ahead of last year’s number one, Angelina Jolie and two Jessicas — Jessica Alba and Jessica Simpson — on the annual 100 Sexiest Women in the World list. Johansson says, “One of the best things for a woman to hear is that she is sexy. I’d like to thank FHM’s readers for the huge compliment.”

She also went on to thank her boobs, for making it all possible. The boobs said very little, since they were being muffled by the imaginary hands of every man on the planet.

superficial

  1. PostAcidYouth

    Er, Scarlett Johansson is sexy? Okay….

    So that’s where I’ve been going wrong. I don’t have bubble tits and I don’t have a face like a smacked arse. Dammit, I’ve missed out.

    FHM are scraping the bottom of the barrel

  2. Phoenix

    #1 So that’s where I’ve been going wrong. I don’t have bubble tits and I don’t have a face like a smacked arse. Dammit, I’ve missed out.

    FHM are scraping the bottom of the barrel

    Jessica Simpson was no. 4 – ahead of 96 other women (some of them dogs). I guess that says it all really. So don’t feel sad about missing out.

  3. hot_stewie

    How can that horse face be the sexiest woman??? Jessica Alba is 100 x sexier!!

  4. gsprescueguy

    Has anyone at FHM seen Jessica Alba?

    SJ is yummy, but not #1 by a longshot.

  5. LinguisticAnthro

    I think Scarlett is very cute. Perhaps even extremely cute. But CUTE and SEXY are two very different things.

    She does have a nice rack, though.

  6. LAtinluver

    Ther is no way in hell Tha scarlett Johansen beat the DIVA Angelina Jolie she will always be the sexiest woman even if she’s older there is just something about anjolina that makes men weak….What the hell are those FHM readers reading …guess thats why i dont read FHM

  7. Michael1

    This is a stark example of why “sexiest woman/man/gerbil alive” polls are ridiculous.

    Of the few hundred who actually do more than stick the pages of FHM together, there were two who voted in that poll — one was SJ’s publicist and teh other was an elderly man with lazy eye.

  8. Such a ridiculous title! Someday they will change it to “Sexiest Celebrity Ever” But if thats the case then why do the winners constantly change? It’s all of who is the biggest at the time. Such a worthless award. Why wasn’t Scarlett sexiest last year over Angelina? Thats why the award is useless. Not to mention Scarlett isn’t that hot. Everything from her nose down is just akward looking.

  9. PostAcidYouth

    It’s not that great an accolade anyway. It just means you’re flavour of the month, and that people would rather look at your arse than watch you act. And while that might suit someone like Jessica Alba, who acts like an ikea wardrobe…

  10. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Scarlett Johansson is the sexiest dolphin alive? Good for her. She’s one of the few dolphin-faced girls alive that I know of that come with their own floating devices.

  11. jugsgirl

    Damn you guys -

    Why did you vote for that dog over so many prettier celebs? Were u fascinated by her boobs. I think Jess Simpsons boobs are way hotter.

  12. hendero

    I wonder if she’d have won but for that incident at the Golden Globes where Isaac Mizrahi groped her? Boobs so appealling even a gay guy had to cop a feel.

    But after the frumpy ass pic in Vanity Fair she shouldn’t have won. Alba all the way.

  13. BEAM

    Adriana Lima is #1!

    Everyone else is a distant second.

  14. Ya I’d also choose Adriana Lima over Scarlett.

  15. PapaHotNuts

    These polls from FHM are not accurate at all. I personally voted for Rosie O’Donnell 917 times in one weekend and she didn’t even make the top ten.

    Sure Scarlett’s OK and she’s sexy enough to play tiger with (that’s where she sits in a corner and growls while I through the meat to her), but she ain’t no number 1.

  16. DrDanny

    I can’t help but thinking this is all a bunch of pinheads-dancing-on-angels stuff. Yes, Johansson is sexy, as are the two Jessicas, Adriana Lima, Sharon Stone, et al. Picking one or the other as sexiest is a fool’s errand.
    I’ll take the leftovers, please. :-)

  17. Thank God women now recogize that being told they are sexy is one of the best things they can hear. Another great day for feminism….

    (oh, and before you ask, i am not fat…..)

  18. sumeet

    Jessica Simpson has a freaking ugly face, I never got what the big deal with her was!

  19. Captain Awesome

    Paris is 11? hahaha

    The only list that STD Praying Mantis should be on is “America’s Most Wanted”.

  20. LoneWolf

    Some guys take their celebs seriously, y’know? Angelina’s old and preggo, and despite reinventing herself she used to shove her marriage to an anorexic neurotic hillbilly down our throats much the same way she shoved her tongue down her brother’s throat. Jessica Simpson’s an airhead in a quasi-incestuous relationship with a her father who was married to half a fag. Jessica Alba’s cute, but SJ has bigger boobs. Plus she keeps her mouth shut in public. Ergo, the winner by default.

    Not that I’ve spent much time thinking about it or anything…..

  21. PostAcidYouth

    agree with #17…nice to see Scarlett’s aiming high.

    And no, I’m not fat/ugly either.

  22. zena marie

    Yep #17 and #21, in with you on that.

    That’s just a really major life purpose, being told you’re sexy. And Scarlett’s apparently just the woman to pointthat out for us.

    and, no, I am not ugy/fat/old/wart-ridden/syphylitic either

  23. FHM readers (or editors) have notoriously bad taste with these kind of things. J-Lo one this “contest” two years in a row. While I will not disparage Ms. Johansson’s apparent beauty, I do take umbrage with her being labelled “sexiest”. If sexy is that quasi-monotone, librarian voice, or the fact that she looks as vapid as a Hilton heir, then I guess she deserved to win. Like most FHM lists, the more interesting, sexier chicks are in the middle of the pack.

  24. quibbles_quaint

    #20 – Wait, Brad Pitt’s manorexic?

  25. SuperSpence

    Scarlett Johansson does it for me. I’d bang that little minx until she couldn’t walk for a month. Then I’d make a fortune selling the video on the internet.

  26. Justice has been served.

    Scarlett reigns supreme.

    I will down dismantle the bombs @ FHM Headquarters and release the hostages.

  27. SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer!

    oh i am SO glad scarlett has been voted!!!! NO MORE ALBA!!!! please, please, ANY higher power, make the alba(TROSS) go away!!
    scarlet is so hot, my goodness i would have voted for her too!!
    TEAM SCARLET!!!!

  28. Jayne

    #20 –but SJ has bigger boobs. Plus she keeps her mouth shut in public.

    the hell she does.
    Apparently you haven’t been lurking on the Superficial much; whenever this fug opens her mouth her words are usually plastered all over the place and we take part in pointing out that she sounds like a total idiot.
    Perhaps my memory is a billion times sharper than yours is.

    “One of the best things for a woman to hear is that she is sexy.”

    Please don’t speak for me SJ.
    One of the best things for ME to hear is “Fuck you look banging” or “Can you make me that vitello con melanzane for me when I get home?”

  29. Erienne

    Scarlett is the sexiest woman alive!??! Who voted on that shit?!

    If I had Angelina Jolie and Scarlett Johanssen standing in front of me, I’d spit on SJ and run to Angelina.

    God, who did SJ sleep with to get that vote?

  30. Erienne

    It also doesn’t help that SJ is only …what? 19? Her body is all pre-pubescent. She looks awkward because she is awkward. She’s barely out of high school, guys.

  31. Cheerios

    #30 Erienne

    ‘It also doesn’t help that SJ is only …what? 19? Her body is all pre-pubescent. She looks awkward because she is awkward. She’s barely out of high school, guys.’

    That excuse would work if she wasn’t 22.
    But apparently she is.

  32. Baroness

    Hell yes!

    And #30, Scarlett is 22 years old.

  33. gogoboots

    I thought she was 20…her boobs are like bubbles, they really almost burst out of dresses, I wonder if they’re real actually…

  34. “I thought she was 20…her boobs are like bubbles, they really almost burst out of dresses”

    I’m waiting to see that, actually.

    It’s bound to happen. Everytime I see her in a couture gown, I can HEAR and SEE the seams straining around her bust….

  35. Bellisima

    #! “face like a smacked arse” lol. Too funny!
    She is ok as long as she keeps her mouth shut. Have you heard her speak??!!! Yikes. You can take the girl out of the trailer park but….

  36. Bellisima

    #24… Billy Bob Thornton remember him the… hillbilly???? Brad Pitt is the Stepford man who has no mind of his own and when he hooks up with a woman he starts to live her life because he has none. When he was with Jen he dressed and looked like her now he is with Vagzilla he even has a haircut like her son! The loser.

  37. Erienne

    Wow. Thanks for the age corrections. I thought she was a lot younger.

    No matter. #8 picked the best word: SJ is just “awkward”. I still think she’s funny looking. Just like Sarah Jessica Parker.

  38. xd

    Tera Patrick is much sexier than all those bitches… and many many others are too.

  39. PostAcidYouth

    #28 – my vitello con melanzane > yours

    All seriousness though, if I were SJ rather someone tell me I was awesomely talented, considering that’s supposedly reasoning her ridiculously high wage. What do we call actresses without talent? Porn stars, kids.

  40. jennypee

    Nobody’s said it and I can’t resist—

    I’d hit it.

    And if Jessica Simpson kept her horsemouth shut I’d hit that too. Her teeth seriously freak me out.

  41. Rogue

    I don’t think every attractive or hot female, e.g., Jessica Simpson, is inclusively/automatically sexy. Likewise, every female I find sexy, e.g., Monica Belucci, isn’t neccesarily someone I think is is hot – who makes me want to *instantly* start f*cking, and who I’d run through traffic to get to. I also don’t think that ‘beautiful’ and ‘hot’ are mutually inclusive, e.g., Aishwarya Rai. I don’t think she’s hot, but she is spectacularly beautiful *and* sexy to me.

    On my planet, sexiness is something different all together. My impression of whether a particular women is sexy usually comes after I’ve seen/heard that woman speak – interacting with myself, or with other people – whether privately, at a public event, or even with a talk show host. How they physically carry themselves is also a determining factor.

    I’ve never thought that Elle McPherson was that spectacular. Great model, yes. Stunningly beautiful? No. However, I think she is incredibly sexy.

    I don’t find most young girls like SJ sexy (attractive, or hot, sure) because *usually* they don’t tend to have a strong sense of self yet, sexual or otherwise (that may or may not come). And, to me, there’s a certain level of apparent maturity and confidence that’s innately connected with someone’s level of sexiness. It’s very apparent when you come across women who possesses these qualities.

    A few examples …

    Hot, but Not Sexy: Halle Berry, Tiffany Amber Thiessen, Brooke Burke, Heather Graham, Laetitia Casta, Adriana Lima …

    Sexy: Salma Hayek, Heidi Klume, Sofia Milos, Sarah Manners, Monica Belucci, Dervla Kerwin, Aishwarya Rai, Vanessa Marcil, Sherilyn Fenn, Catherine Deneuve …

    (I know a lot of you seem to think anything over 27 is old, but Deneuve is sexy as hell – always has been, even when she was younger)

    Hot & Sexy: Angelina Jolie, Heidi Klume, Salma Hayek

    Neither Hot Nor Sexy: Jessica Alba & SJ (attractive, yes, but….)

    That’s just my op’.

  42. happy_bunny

    Well at least it’s not Jolie. I don’t think I could be any more sick of hearing about Jolie’s sexiness.
    But we are keeping in mind that also in the top 10 of this list are Terri Hatcher and Jenny McCarthy, right? That right there destroys FHM’s credibility as an authority on sexiness.

  43. Rogue

    Actually, I do think Tiffany Amber is sexy too.

  44. PostAcidYouth

    I do agree with rogue’s philosophy on hotness/sexiness. Shirley Manson is both hot and sexy because of her attitude, the way she holds herself and the way she talks. Adriana Lima is hot but purely eye candy, whereas Angelina Jolie is sexy without actually being (in my opinion) at all attractive. Then there are people like Alba, who is cute. Immature, young-looking, fresh faced and kind of dumb.

    Just my opinion, mind.

  45. Er… she’s not my type. But ever since she was in Lost in Translation, everyone assumes that she’s this thoughtful, mysterious type…that makes her SEEM sexy!

  46. Evangelia

    omg, #41! i had to leave a comment just so i could agree with you, that monica belucci is so fucking sexy.

  47. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Wow. This has gotten really complicated – hot, sexy, sexy-hot, hot-cute-pretty. I just had it narrowed down to the categories of “I’d hit that with the lights on” and “I’d hit that if nobody ever found out”.

  48. URalllosers

    #47
    You are a true conissuer. Bravo! I really couldn’t agree more.

    I think SJ deserves the title this year. Next year someone younger, fresher, and bigger lipped will come along for us to worship. This system works so well.

  49. andrewthezeppo

    LOL, come on this has to be a joke….or a lie or something. I just refuse to believe that all the men who read FHM even know who Scarlet is, let alone vote her the sexiest woman in the world.

    Angelina Jolie, Eva Longoria, Beyonce, Pam Anderson, Natalie Portman, Adriana Lima, Gisele, Rebecca Romijn, Hale Berry, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jessica Alba, The Pussy Cat Dolls, Charlize Theron, Nikki Coxx, Jessica Beal, Jamie King, Selma Hyake, Famke Janssen, Eva Menendez

    But I guess if you find having sex with Benecio Del Toro in an elevator sexy, they hay who I am to judge.

  50. becca11

    i agree with rogue… SJ is 21… and bigger boobs? so what? star jones boobs are bigger than SJ’s , therefore she is better with your philosophy?

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