Scarlett Johansson is a garbage man

September 25th, 2006 // 86 Comments

Scarlett Johansson showed up to the Established & Sons anniversary party on Saturday dressed as a garbage man. Which would’ve been awesome except that it wasn’t a costume party. It’s hard to go wrong when you look as good as Scarlett Johansson. Just glue some magnifying lenses to your boobs and the rest of the outfit usually works itself out. Obviously something went very wrong here. I’d venture a guess somebody told her the party was government worker themed, but she doesn’t look quite incompetent enough to work at the DMV.

NOTE: This obviously doesn’t make any sense because I just said she was dressed as a garbage man, so why would a garbage man be working at the DMV? Clearly I don’t even know what I’m typing anymore. Space moon to the rescue!


  1. RichPort

    Oh how I would love to sift through her trash.

  2. Tracie

    In what world would Scarlett actually think this looks good?!

  3. mrs.t

    Check out smirky-dude behind her in that first shot: ” I cannot WAIT to tell Gary about this breeder’s oufit”.

  4. krisdylee

    I had the EXACT same outfit in neon pink in 1984.

  5. “Take out the papers and the trash”
    “Then let Stallion put it in your ass”
    “When it hurts just scream and yell”
    “About the ATM, I’ll never tell”

  6. jrzmommy

    Try this silvery gray outfit, Scarlet, it looks much better on!! (Yeah, on FIRE)

  7. pinky_nip

    I’d still dive into her dumpster, like a lesbian on crack.

  8. ER

    Oh crap where to start….the hideous outfit, the fug shoes, butt-ugly eyeliner and oh yeah, she looks and sounds like a man. What IS the infatuation with this travesty?!

  9. Solaera

    Wow. That is an incredibly unflattering and all around hideous outfit. The gobs of heavy black eyeliner and the skinned back hair aren’t helping things either.

  10. krisdylee

    I’d still do her.

  11. MyWellRehearsedMistake

    No, Scarlett, no, what where you thinking?

    Stop listening to those stupid, dumbass vapid “designers” who tell you this shit looks hot…

    Get a clue, your 15 minutes is nearly up.

  12. biatcho

    Besides the ginormous boobies, I continuously have a hard time trying to figure out why people think this chick is hot. She looks like an pigeon-toed alien with a fat lip.


    I rip into trash bags all the time. This one wouldn’t be an exception. Growl.

  14. HollyJ

    Girl needs to stop rolling the bottom of her pants like the early 80s …WTF is that ? Can’t she just get the designer to hem them to peg leg if that’s the look she’s going for ?

    Her stylist should be buried in sand up to the neck then stoned until dead. Seriously. Go Middle Eastern on her ass.

  15. hamacus

    Looks good to me. I’d hit that so hard there would be aftershocks for weeks. I really love the glossy lips. Mmmmmmm. looks like..

  16. llllllllll

    Dear Editor,
    Regarding your “Note”, I can understand how you may have incorporated DMV in this article…Scarlett clearly looks like a crash test dummy in this outfit. Garbage man by day, dummy by night.

    respectfully yours, llllllllll


    She looks cute.

  18. Nikk The Templar

    And the Fug Girls tear apart in




    And there they go…

  19. bond

    #8~thank you! i couldn’t agree more.
    have we all forgotten that butt-ugly nose ring picture of her?!?!

  20. Honestly, who gives a shit what she wears? It will just end up in a big pile at the end of my bed anyway. :) She could wear the hollowed out ass of a Madagascar Lemur as a fucking hat, and I would still hit it like it was the last nonny on the planet.

    Scarlett is still smoking hot in this outfit, and she knows it.


  21. Brain/Ninja – what up homeboys? How you livin’?

  22. Binky

    The problem isn’t the grey ‘thing’
    The problem is the black shirt – it’s in the way !

  23. reflight

    That dude behind her makes Shannon Doherty look positively symmetrical.


  24. PunjabPete

    You know, you could put her in a trash bag and she would still be hot….

  25. BriBri

    @#25: Exactly!

    I *heart* her face! Still gorgeous…

  26. I bet that thing she is wearing is worth more than your weekly salary…

    Its made of pure silkiver (silk and silver combined!!)

  27. OK…here’s the deal. There is not a straight man on this planet that cares what any woman wears EVER.

    Jealous women and gay men are the people who would take time to complain about what somebody is wearing.

    Thank you.

  28. jrzmommy

    And who takes time to complain about what jealous women and gay men complain about? just askin’……

  29. RichPort

    Yea she looks like one those guys from that Men At Work movie, except extremely boneable. Or maybe she looks like she belongs in a Missy Elliot video… either way, I agree with Ferret, the clothes are just there to keep her warm and to save my pants from having my schlong tear violently past my zipper.

  30. jrzmommy

    And then she rolls the cuffs of her pants. Nice touch.

  31. @29…just li’l bit too close to home. Oui?


    I think I just found my Halloween outfit

  33. ch474

    Scarlet is dressed like a garbage man? I’m feeling DIRTY! Time to take out the trash!

    Seriously, not the best choice of outfits, but I’d be on her faster than the racoons in the backyard on the remains of last nights dinner. Oh yes, she is hot.

  34. sezu

    i’d still hit her bouncy fat pooper. pillow talk would be tough – cold eyes, dolphin face, conceited. time to turn her around again…

  35. Celebs think they can wear anything. Who amongst us would wear this without being told they had to or their mother would be shot? And those coveralls are uncomfortable. Anyone who has had to wear one to do some kind of nasty work wouldn’t do so in their spare time. Just more women obeying the fashion cult of fags. Trust the judgment of men who hate women.

  36. llllllllll

    #28 umm this is the SUPERFICIAL

  37. biatcho

    #28 – Are we not allowed to have opinions that differ from yours? Because I’ll tell you right now that you insist you’re hetero but I can pretty much assume that you’re a polesmoking fag because you used the term “oui”.

  38. giromide

    Not garbage man. That outfit is straight out of the future, man. The future!

  39. tracyp

    To quote my 8 year old when I asked her if she liked my shoes… “Yeah, if you LIKE ugly.” I have taught her well.

  40. Grope For Luna

    She looks like my old girlfriend from the mid 80s, and that’s just the kind of outfit she would have worn. Hmmmm… I can just smell that 16 yr old pussy.

  41. FashMags

    I can only hope her luggage was lost. But still, there is no excuse for this – except for prison.

  42. llllllllll

    #41 ehh uhh emmm…and you are how old R. Kel..I mean Luna?

  43. jrzmommy

    29- Okay here’s the deal….you’re a random fuck.

    Have I ever told you all how much I dislike the French and all things French?? I may have mentioned it once or twice. But after reading #29, I’ve discovered something that I hate more than the French. Wanna know what I hate more than the French themselves? Douchebags that wander around and say ridiculous things like Oui at the end of their statements.

  44. jrzmommy

    HA! Making my self laugh with no glasses today… and my astigmatism meant number 28 is the random fuck…..i’m just the blind fuck that types incorrect shit. Indeedikee….it is number 28–and 32 for that matter–who I mean to direct my random fuck comment to.

  45. jrzmommy

    I just told myself off and now I know just a little how Sarah Jean the Lilac Queen, Star Maker Machinery and the other tools I’ve interacted with feel. I definately need to be meaner.

  46. RichPort

    #29 – What’s with that oui shit? You got a fucking mouse in your pocket? Split perso-fucking-nalities??? Do like the rest of the French fucks do and just surrender before the battle begins. The last two hardcore guys that said ‘oui’ were that Algerian headbutter and Napolean, and, well, we see what happened to them.

  47. llllllllll

    #45 Thanks for clarifying that Jrmommy..I was going back and forth making sure I was seeing the numbers matched up to the name correctly…I was starting to think you were suffering from the same “Sasha” disorder Beyonce is struck with.

  48. RichPort

    Yea, #28… I meant #28 too. French fucks.

  49. One part Oompa Loompa, two parts Hammer time. One + Two = MISTAKE.

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