Scarlett Johansson has ‘Best Celebrity Breasts’

In probably the most prestigious competition conceived by man, Scarlett Johansson has been declared the owner of the “Best Celebrity Breasts” by Access Hollywood. Here’s how others ranked in cleavagey fortitude:

1. Scarlett Johansson
2. Salma Hayek
3. Halle Berry
4. Jessica Simpson
5. Jennifer Love Hewitt

At this time, I’d like to sincerely thank Scarlett’s breasts for getting me through The Spirit. If not for her ample bosom, I would’ve removed both my eyes instead of one. Also, I look pretty bitchin’ with an eye patch.

Photos: Getty