Scarlett Johansson has ‘Best Celebrity Breasts’

April 29th, 2009 // 46 Comments

In probably the most prestigious competition conceived by man, Scarlett Johansson has been declared the owner of the “Best Celebrity Breasts” by Access Hollywood. Here’s how others ranked in cleavagey fortitude:

1. Scarlett Johansson
2. Salma Hayek
3. Halle Berry
4. Jessica Simpson
5. Jennifer Love Hewitt

At this time, I’d like to sincerely thank Scarlett’s breasts for getting me through The Spirit. If not for her ample bosom, I would’ve removed both my eyes instead of one. Also, I look pretty bitchin’ with an eye patch.

Photos: Getty

  1. Dogless

    Shame she can’t act for shit.

  2. mikeock

    I’d be content to stare at those tits forever. Well, I’d have to close my eyes when she blew me, but that’s just a reflex.

  3. pokey

    Mmmmmmm. Breasticles.

  4. IMPLANTS!!!!!!

  5. dirk

    Bet her PUSS ain’t bad either.

  6. Erica

    Two reasons why this list sucks:

    1) Three of these five women have never actually SHOWN their breasts, so for all we know they could be droopy, lop-sided, weird-nippled or worse.

    2) Bigger is not synonymous with best, which should to me refer to shape etc.

  7. Jim Jones

    Lame. This contest should have been restricted only to those breasts we’ve seen, not ones kept under lock and key.

  8. Bobaloo

    I cannot agree with this announcement until I see nude photographic evidence of all the women who were considered for this honor.

  9. jumpin_j

    This list is so dated. Scarlett’s lost weight so her boobs went down, Selma gained weight from the baby so she cheats, and the others just got plain weird. Nah, Megan Fox is the best at least right now.

  10. What a joke. Scarlett has average boobs…

  11. dirk


    “weird-nippled” Fcking cracks me up.

  12. Binky

    I demand a recount !!!


    Oh ok.
    ummm…Where are the semi-finalists ?

  13. mikeock

    Dear Ryan Reynolds –

    How her beav compared to Alanis Morrisette’s? Something tells me Alanis has a bush that could insulate every home in Alaska if she shaved it,

  14. chango

    Nice puppies for sure . . . sorry haters, they be fine . . .

  15. Mr. Toad

    I hate to kick a dead horse here, but WE’VE NEVER FUCKING SEEN THEM.

    What was the next story on Access Hollywood? Movie reviews from 2012?

  16. Susie

    am i the only one that doesnt find this chick attractive at all?? nice boobs who cares you butter face

  17. Is this list backwards?

  18. Swagger

    Where the fuck is Anne Hathaway – that’s a pair of real tits. No show no go -You never know what’s lurking under those hi-tech bras of today. Exhibit A – Tyra Banks before she did her braless show. Fucking nasty.

  19. just

    Salma and Halle had sets from the gods before the babies gave them unearthly orbs that only two lucky men can fondle.

    They win simply because they have better breasts. The list is nonsense.

  20. barroom hero

    I like SJ…

    Jennifer Love Hewitt’s ass is too “business Class’ for my liking tho..

  21. Dave

    Does this list take into account a Pregnant Halle Berry’s breasts? If so, she goes to #1, if not I have no problem with this list.

  22. dickinabox

    How is this news? Any man with an erect penis should inherently know the answer to this…

    You haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen Macho Man Randy Savage smoke a Bong rip of salvia… AND FREAK OUT:

  23. Mr. Obvious

    I would have loved to be on the committee that decided that list.

    “People, have some coffee, it’s going to be a long day of looking at breasts. Yes, I know we’re not paid well enough for this kind of shit but given the current economy we should happy that we have a job.”

  24. i think ann hathaway should be on the pretty titty list, above halle berry (who’s too old) and why is jennifer love hewitt on the list

    while we’re at it can i make a small complaint, love the site but am getting bored, you report on the same ugly bitches over and over, we need more variety in your targets

    hogan’s daughter looks like sasquach i don’t need to see her
    lindsey is amusing but multiple posts on her in a day man, maybe just once a day is enough
    paris is a retart we could see a little less of her
    and there are plenty of other hot celebrities out there, where are they at, like ann hathaway or lilly allen,natalie portman, the hot blond chick from heros (not hayden that ugly twat) , or whats that 70s show ladies up to these days, or shots of jon stewart getting coffee,
    i just think you need to diversify more

    just sayin

  25. This is an outrage!!!!!!! wheres Katy perry? Halle Berry? who did this list Blackwell?

  26. kitty_kat

    I’m actually a woman with a larger chest, but I have to wonder: Isn’t it funny how none of these women have smaller breasts? As if they are suggesting that small breasts can’t also be nice breasts?

  27. number27

    Erica- You sound flat.

  28. 1 MILF Hunter

    #18 – you got it, Mang. Those are some real ta-ta’s. I’d pay good money to get a good look at those.

  29. vito

    Carla Gugino…great tits!

    Eva Green…ditto!

    Jaime Pressly…entire body is fucking magnificent!

    ScarJo is definitely a tasty morsel (as are the other lovelies on the list) but I, in agreement with so many others, would like to reserve judgment until I have seen the goods.

  30. Impossible judgment to make unless i can actually feel them.

  31. pasteve

    I guess Alyssa Milano is too B-list to make the B List? That rack was the only reason to watch Charmed.

  32. You think it’s strange alot of celebrities are “FALLING DOWN” today, folks?
    ……………thank to these comments!!

  33. Darth

    I don’t see those breasts folks.How do they know folks?

  34. Nero

    She probably has the best push-up bra folks!

  35. Well that makes it official… I’m naming my motorboat “The Scarlett Love Hayek Berry”.

  36. I wonder where’s Jessica Biel. Her pair is very fine looking. Even undressed.

  37. Matthew

    1 anfd 2 I agree 3 should been Jennifer hugetits

  38. Beautiful Scarlett, from Barcelona i love you!!!

  39. binjai

    i think jack black’s breast is bigger than those in the list.

  40. Janine

    In the last 2 pics, she looks like Evan Rachel Wood and that is not a compliment! She looks waaaaay better as a blonde. It looks to me like she had breast implants before but has taken them out.

  41. Scarlett J still seems like an acquired taste to me. She’s kinda freaky looking.

  42. CATHY R


  43. james

    I think Lindsay Lohan has the best breasts in Hollywood – they at least belong in the top five racks, and at least she has the courtesy to show them regularly.

    Anne Hathaway’s rack also belongs on this list.

  44. Dorus

    I just love Scarlett’s tits!

  45. Footclan

    100% with the last part of the article. The spirit was terrible and her tits were the best part. I also think Love-Hewitt should be #3.

  46. There is not single doubt with her breast. She have a really fantastic boobs. I saw many nude pics of her. The quality of her boobs is it is looking very soft and shape is round. I just love her breast.

Leave A Comment