Scarlett Johansson gets scandalous waxings

September 25th, 2006 // 54 Comments
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Page Six reports that sources from DaTommaso restaurant say Scarlett Johansson was a nervous wreck before getting her first Brazilian waxing at the Oasis Day Spa and that the waxing crew “couldn’t stop admiring her body.”

Hopefully this’ll save you the trouble of ever running up to Scarlett Johansson and asking her what the situation with her pubic hair is. Because trust me, pretending it’s for a school project doesn’t work at all. And you wouldn’t think a 5’4″ girl would be capable of uppercutting a full grown adult through a store window in slow motion as onlookers gasp but you’d be wrong. Because she totally killed my friend Larry that way. Murderer!

superficial

  1. mrs.t

    Must have been the same day as the saggy jumpsuit debacle. You know-loose garments for 24-hours after extreme waxing.

  2. Waxing is not that painful, you just have to remember to breathe.

    Also, I am 5’4″ and I have no problems uppercutting people, I do it all the time in kick boxing. It is all in the level of determination grasshopper.

    http://www.holisticwisdom.com

  3. boobiezmagee

    TEAM BALD POON!

  4. Smivey

    Since when is a crew required for waxing? Just how much hair did she have down there?

  5. Mr Superfish,
    Slow down on the posts!
    We don’t need 27 a day.
    This shit ain’t that important.

    * A BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ANGRY FERRET JONES *

  6. Madrid Marriott

    She looks mildly retarded in the two pics with the cloud background. And why is she shooting high school yearbook portraits anyway?

  7. Binky

    Humm….same black shirt in the way…getting to be a bad habit…

  8. I can’t wait until that used pube wax shows up on E-Bay! I am going all in!!!

  9. @6 – I think you are right. If I remember my skool days correctly, those two photos are from “Package B” with backround option “C”.

    Extra 8″x10″ for Grandma? Hell yes!

  10. Thanks thesuperficial. Great new image to masturbate to tonight!

    http://www.celebslam.com

  11. why is she taking senior yearbook pictures?

  12. PunjabPete

    Covered with road kill, I tell you….

    Boing!

  13. docta

    Oh shut up. She’s beautiful, and you know it. I think you’d be crazy to disagree. Well, unless you’re a COMPLETE IDIOT and prefer Nicole Richie over Scarlett. Whatever.

  14. In an effort to right this travesty of injustice that is this uncaring Brazillian wax team I shall creep into her bedroom tonight, and trowel some wax across her perfectly proportioned labia. Then, with the speed of a mongoose on meth I shall rip it all off in one swift motion. Running gallantly naked from her “chambers” I will place this used wax on my freshly shaven head like a toupee, as a monument to ethical waxing everywhere.

    And I will lick it to sleep every night for a month.

  15. Tranny, you mean until Zanna, sweet, sweet Zanna comes home!

  16. Wampoon.com

    Scarlett Jo-hand me some of that sh…

    http://www.wampoon.com

  17. Li-Lo needs to steal Scarlett’s PR person. Seems whenever “gossip” about Ms. Johansson hits the net, it’s never really that racy and it always includes something positive (waxing crew couldn’t stop admiring her body, she’s an “old soul”, very intelligent, etc.). As an aside, how old is Scarlett? And this is her first Brazilian?

  18. Italian Stallion

    “Speed of a Mongoose on meth”………..

    Still fucking laughing…………..

  19. thesarahficial

    That second picture on the bottom looks like a classic school picture.

  20. combustion8

    She’s still just a poor man’s (white) jessica alba.

  21. suzy

    Her shoes are too big.

  22. PunjabPete

    #20 – That is ridiculous…

    These are two equally tasty but different pieces of cheese you are comparing, hoss.

    Scar is voluptuous and curvy. Very much the perfect “full” girl. Jess is rock solid and nubile looking. Very much the perfect “thin” girl. Either way pass the nacho chips….

  23. RichPort

    Her style sucks, I just hope she does too. Because I will bone her. I will. DO YOU HEAR ME SCARLETT??? I will treat you like the cheerleader the whole football team bagged at homecoming. I’ll change your last name to Hohansson. I’ll hang outside of all the worst fashion shops in LA, waiting for you to emerge with a bag full of sanitation uniforms and other shit you’d find at Filene’s Basement. I’ll be on your ass like a pimple. Shit, I’ll even tape razor blades to my tongue and shave whatever that brazilian missed, because to quote Denzel, you know I’m surgical with this, bitch!!!

  24. ValeWolf

    #20 – Exactly!

    #23 – sanitation uniforms! LOL.

    Yeah, I don’t have anything else to say.

  25. Scarlet must have nuts because you are all over them.

  26. krisdylee

    Brazilians hurt like a mother-fucker, but they are so worth it for that smooth creamy beaver.

    MMmmmm… beaver.

  27. Nuke L.A.

    hey, how come her tig ass bitties ain’t hangin’ out? what a gyp.

  28. Tits_McGhee

    Those first two pictures of Scarlett made me flash back to the 4th grade for some reason.

    All of a sudden I’m sitting in a chair with a big light in my face. My hair is pulled back in a scrunchie on the side of my head and I have half eaten PB and J in my braces. My jean jumper has an applesauce stain on it while a hairy photographer named “Willy” tells me to say “cheese”.

    But Scarlett is sooo sophisticated with her wax and all. I bet she has ingrown hairs filled with pus. SEXY!

  29. Alex

    Scarlett who? Hey, wait a minute! Isn’t she that voice in Robot Chicken?

  30. Alex

    #28

    Thanks, I’m gonna have night sweats for a fucking month, now!

  31. Steeno

    Angry Ferret Jones, HAPPY B-DAY!!

    i’d like to give you something special….

  32. HollyJ

    she’s wearing a shirt with tiger print on it ?

    and Miss Mormon hairdo ?

    WTF?

    i don’t get why me are crawling all over each other to get with Miss Fucked-Up-Mandible. Her chin is as big as her cheekbones, for god’s sake.

    Happy B’day Ferret man =)

  33. ValeWolf

    #32 – Mormon hairdo! lol.

    Ok, I really need to say something witty because all I’ve done is repeat what someone else has said and put a “lol” in the end…

    … can’t think of anything. But I agree with everyone who says the two bottom pics look like high school portraits.

  34. weenis

    #20 nice try but that’s yesterday’s line. after sadly turning herself into a dead ringer for a skinny white girl, jessica alba herself is now just a poor man’s (white) jessica alba.

  35. krisdylee

    Dudes, I had the EXACT same shirt in ’89. And by exact shirt, I mean, I think Scarlett might have picked it up at a “Vintage 80′s” Boutique.

  36. PrincessMuMu

    She gets more and more ugly every time I see her.

  37. #2 Wax on. Wax off?

    If she goes out with Harry Morton, would he change the restaurant chain to Red Raw Taco?

  38. c

    I really don’t think anybody would care if Scarlett was waxed or not. I mean, hideous jumpsuits aside, she is pretty much always stunning.

    http://popanalysis.blogspot.com

  39. knowhere

    she is way too clothed for her own good there.

  40. She’s still so not going to let Italian Stallion go ATM on her though. And that makes the ‘pretty’ factor redundant after a few goes, surely?

    Scarlett Taco. Burning Scarlett Taco. Oh god I’m bored. Somebody help me. I need something to replace my 16yr old texter. Have bought stunning new phone as he sullied the last one by association.

  41. Scarlett has this nice sexiness about her that makes you care that she was worried about a wax.

    It’s like: What?! Baby, don’t worry. If they hurt the goods, I’m gonna rain hellfire down on all of their entire families!

    Women like that kind of talk…

    http://www.blackbeatpress.com

  42. jrzmommy

    So the people at the restaurant know about what happened at her waxing…….because…???

    She and K-Fag should do a duet about their Brazillian experiences.

  43. marc of teh place

    Her forehead looks big. Maybe it’s a trick. Damn them.

  44. RhinebeckCowboy

    You gotta be kidding. This chick is over-rated. Her eyes are too high (or her forehead too short), and she can’t act for shit.

    It amazes me that you can do one art movie (Pearl Necklace), and then just because Woody has a woody for you (so you get cast in two of his London movies), the world thinks you can act.

    Lost in Translation was held together by Bill Murray, and of course that old drunk had the chemistry for Scarlett – what decrepit viagra’d alchy wouldn’t? – she’s blonde, twenty-something, and half the movie wears only a tank-top and silk panties. But her performance was flat and, well ….. crap.

    In addition, she has incredibly bad dress sense, and is turning into a prima-donna with a little bit too much idea of her own importance.

    Dahlia sucks (surprise !), Island sucked (tho’ to be fair Ewan MacGregor is half to blame), and thinking about it, her performance in Pear Earring was pretty weak too.

  45. RichPort

    Jessica Alba can’t act either, but that doesn’t prevent me from wanting to give either one of them a pearl necklace…

  46. jrzmommy

    Girl With a Pearl Necklace, starring RichPort and Scarlett Johannsen

  47. jilco

    WHO
    TOOK
    THESE
    PHOTOS?

    She looks like she’s at Olan Mills. And I don’t need to see her up that close.

    Funny no. 46
    ————
    ————
    ————

  48. poker_n_d_rear

    maybe im just old fashioned but i like a lil hair on a pussy, when there completely shaved i feel like the fbi is going to aid my house arrest me and seize my computer

    p.s. im not talking the 80′s either maybe just a landing strip or a nice lil picture like a clown on a unicycle juggling 3 tennis balls while an old french monkey smoking a cuban ciggar collects the change from bystanders, i guess a guy can only dream

  49. ATX

    Who told Young Hollywood that it is cool to dress like your grandparents? Some of these people should be ashamed of dressing like hobos! Especially Scarlett, who is oh so pretty! I think my mom wore that dress in the 80′s!

  50. RhinebeckCowboy

    Shaved generally comes down in two categories, ‘yummy, I want to snack NOW’, or ‘nasty, keep that thing away from my face’.

    My predictions:

    VILE

    Lindsey Lohan (saw it once and lost my lunch)
    Paris Hilton (suspicious secretions)
    Nancy Grace (bad odor)
    Rosie O’Donnell (flabby and sweaty)
    Sharon Stone (what are those lesions?)
    Kate Moss (unwashed)
    Madonna (no idea why, but the idea is revolting)

    DELICIOUS

    Gwen Stefani (perversion)
    Kate Hudson (wholesome)
    Kirsten Dunst (freaky)
    Heather Locklear (experience)
    Ashley Judd (outstanding muscle control)
    Gretchen Mohl (fragrent)

    I’m on the fence regarding Tara Reid – I have a theory that she probably cleans up well, but probably needs to be soaked for a couple of hours in blue Listerine.

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