According to a friend of the couple, Scarlett Johansson and Josh Hartnett are planning to move in together, though a rep says nothing has been confirmed. The source told Star magazine, “They’re discussing moving in together in NYC. I know that they have already started looking at places to buy in SoHo and the West Village.” I guess now would be a good time to implement Phase A of my plan to make out with Scarlett Johansson: kill Josh Hartnett and assume his identity. It’ll be tough to drop all my muscle mass and shrink my enormous penis, but I think I can pull it off if I really dedicate myself to it. Sometimes you just have to make sacrifices if you want to take over another person’s life for the sole purpose of making out with their girlfriend.
Scarlett Johansen is the shit. Look for her to never turn into anyone you know.