Scarlett Johansson’s Rep: ‘My Client is the Victim of Angles and Weird Shirts’

April 13th, 2011 // 105 Comments

Because I’m brave enough to not know the difference between pregnancy and a beer gut, I speculated yesterday that Scarlett Johansson might be pregnant with Sean Penn‘s child after seeing photos of them jogging together. Turns out the person Scarlett pays to make her look good took particular exception with that and ran to People with the following excuses:

But a rep for Johansson warns not to jump to conclusions, and reveals a few common missteps that make up the anatomy of a pregnancy rumor:
Step 1: Catch the celebrity at an awkward angle
“She’s outside running and it’s simply the placement of her shirt that is misleading,” her rep, Marcel Pariseau, tells PEOPLE of Johansson.
Step 2: Single out the one photo that portrays her as a mere mortal
“She was followed and photographed for over 20 minutes and I’m sure there are other photos in the series that show and prove that she is not pregnant,” the rep points out.
Step 3: Set the record straight
“Scarlett is not pregnant,” Pariseau says, adding for good measure. “She’s been training for The Avengers for over four months and is in the best shape of her life.”

Two things:

1. I went ahead and reposted the eight images – uncropped – from the agency I purchased them from (There were more, but I’m a cheap bastard.) and there’s definitely more than just “one photo” where people went, “Hmm. I wonder where she’s registered…”
2. “The placement of her shirt is misleading.” She wears shirts on her ass?

But in all seriousness, instead of saying, “My client is a world-class athlete victimized by the weird shirt and bad angles conglomerate,” it would’ve been much simpler if Scarlett’s rep just said, “Okay, she put on a couple pounds and is obviously trying to work them off.” Not only would this make me look like the asshole I am, but oh I dunno, it’s the truth. Then again, we’re not really in the truth business here, are we? Oh, no, we’re in the business of stealing ROBIN WRIGHT’S CHILDREN AND MAKING THEM SCARLETT’S OWN! Isn’t that right, Us Weekly?

Relocating from her temporary digs at a West Hollywood hotel, the recently divorced 26-year-old “has essentially moved in over the last few weeks,” the source says. And now that the actress and Penn, 50, share the same roof after months of furtive sightings at hotspots in Hollywood, Mexico and beyond, “they just stay home” whenever they can.
Among their fave homebody activities? Eating in and hanging out with Penn’s kids with ex-wife Robin Wright, who are mere years younger than Johansson: daughter Dylan, 20, and son Hopper, 17.

Tell me not to wildly speculate, will you? I’ll speculate all over this town! *slams briefcase shut* I rest my case, your honor.

Photos: AKM Images/Flynet

superficial

  1. cc

    Scarlett…keep running!

  2. Track

    Uh — why aren’t we talking about how frikkin’ bad Penn looks?????!!! He looks like he is going to pass out any sec, like he can’t keep up with her. She might have a bit of a gut but he looks way worse. Just goes to show how sexist this country remains…he is the ugly one in the photos and all you do is take shots are her. Equal Time!!!

  3. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    s'up bitches
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF? Best shape of her life?

  4. the captain

    she’s the victim of a Stoma, folks!!

  5. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    RAFAEL-BRASIL
    Commented on this photo:

    I WANNA FUCK HER

  6. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    honz
    Commented on this photo:

    definately some junk in that trunk

  7. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    Mal
    Commented on this photo:

    Stomach? Meh. BUT WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE SHOES!?!

  8. After that statement, I think her publicist self-destructed.

  9. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    seabee
    Commented on this photo:

    In addition to be a self-proclaimed whore who gets tested for AIDs every six months, a way overrated actress and a duck face, she is the chubs. You can see the cellulite through her leggings. She is welcome to Sean Penn – a crazy, gross old man who boozes it up and smokes like a chimney. Smokers who run, I don’t get it. He probably snorts speed first.

    • She’s not a whore. What the hell are you talking about? Getting an AIDS test every 6 months is the responsible thing for a sexually active person to do.

  10. ngames74

    GROSSGROSSGROSSGROSSGROSSGROSSGROSSGROSS. Nastiest couple EVER.

  11. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    ominina
    Commented on this photo:

    2 things xD

    1.- Whats up with the fattie!

    and

    2.- WTF isthe things she is wearing for shoes?!!!

  12. Monkey

    Yeah, well, those shoes will look ugly at any angle.

  13. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    PoppyNotPoopy
    Commented on this photo:

    Sean Peen shot the gooooo!!!

  14. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    ibbie3
    Commented on this photo:

    OMG she is the only actress in hollywood who eats and is like us “normal” women- SOOOOO OVER THE HOLLYWOOD TWIG FIGURE PROMULGATED BY GAY MEN!

  15. shwynot

    CD has many nicknames.

  16. Tiff

    Isn’t it ironic that her caps says ‘Kodak’ when clearly, this wasn’t one of those moments.

  17. Tiff

    Nevermind about the pregnancy rumours- it looks like she just ate a small child.

  18. akhmad

    the story about what happen to palestinian children in 2009.
    About their life, their friend, their familly, their home, their courage and this is their story
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpNcKpXVV3U

  19. BLi

    fat pig with limited talent…she is a ‘never was’.

  20. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    Larry Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    and I thought my wife’s ass was getting a little flabby!

    Sorry, honey! I love you.

  21. cc

    Jogging to IHOP is kind of counterproductive.

  22. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    Meeeh
    Commented on this photo:

    Quite frankly she does not look pregnant. Why are all you pricks so interested in other peoples lives??? Worry about your own.

  23. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    cookie
    Commented on this photo:

    holy crap…

  24. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    rachel
    Commented on this photo:

    She just ate a burrito. Relax.

  25. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    Make Me Wanna Die
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s what’s happens when you bang Sean Penn…

  26. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    Snooki's Taint
    Commented on this photo:

    Does this shirt make my ass look fat you guys?

  27. Pokemon Mon

    No big deal for Scar to lose 10 lb (plus she’s kind of short so anything she puts on is very visible). It’ll take her a month or two but who cares. This is how most women look if they eat more than once a day.

  28. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    Coupon Rachael
    Commented on this photo:

    well I guess scar-jo is human after all. out trying to drop a few lbs. like most of us ladies. kinda nice to see a celeb working off a pooch and one that has cellulite. she is still pretty

  29. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    Hank
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d still hit it like a drum…

  30. Paul

    I like this, I would hit that hard and leave teeth marks on her belly.

  31. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    Tara
    Commented on this photo:

    She is not in the best shape of her life….. Who the hell lied to her

  32. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    RealWomenHave Curves
    Commented on this photo:

    You’re kidding me, right! Scarlett is beautiful and okay, so she’s not a size 0 or 2. SHE’S LIKE 90% OF AMERICAN WOMEN. Instead of sitting around shoving pizza in her mouth, she’s out exercising with her man. I think she’s fabulous, gorgeous, an most women would die to look like her.

  33. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    lilly
    Commented on this photo:

    OMG!!! She is HUUUGE!!!???

  34. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    Danno
    Commented on this photo:

    Girl’s chunkin’. That’s all right. Nice to see an actress who can enjoy food. Next movie deal she’ll slim right back up.

  35. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    cinnywinny
    Commented on this photo:

    This makes me sooo happy!! Look at that cellulite. It is so refreshing to see the “goddesses” looking like regular chicks, like me. Y’know she could be on her period and just bloated. Sean Penn is no rail, either. I’m sure they have been throwing back cervezas and eating some primo Cali-Mex food. Good for them.

  36. Scarlett Johansson Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    She can easily lose the weight, the problem is to keep it off. She will have to change her diet and keep a steady excersise regimen.
    She doesn’t look bad, just not like herself. Guess this is what they mean when they say someone has let themselves go.

Leave A Comment