Scarlett Johansson Will Speak At DNC. Just Goddamnit.

Photo Boy / September 6, 2012

Posted by Photo Boy

Scarlett Johansson once alluded (falsely) to having email exchanges with President Obama, then followed that up by claiming super-cute campaign tees would help him get re-elected. No, really. So, it’s no surprise that Democratic leadership has lined Scarlett up to say more dumb shit at this year’s DNC, because if there’s anything us liberals do well, it’s getting tantalizingly close to a goal line then fumbling when the corporate masters pull the strings (See: Act, The Patient Protection and Affordable Care). Mediaite reports:

In what some might read as a Democratic response to Clint Eastwood‘s “invisible chair” speech last week, the Democratic National Convention will feature a “surprise” speech Thursday evening from actresses Scarlett Johansson and Kerry Washington

Ok, so maybe it wasn’t actually special interest influence dicking up the works this time. Let’s blame the genius pairing of campaign strategists and marketers who undoubtedly had this conversation:

DNC CHAIRMAN: So, Republicans figured out what celeb most embodies the absolute worst parts of their platform and got him to ramble aimlessly at an empty chair. Is Sean Penn available?
MARKETING EXEC: No.
DNC CHAIRMAN: What’s the closest thing to an empty chair we have laying around here?
MARKETING EXEC: Scarlett Johansson?
DNC CHAIRMAN: Perfect. Book it.

Photo: Splash News