Scarlett Johansson Hates America

July 28th, 2011 // 82 Comments

Yesterday, I tossed the ladies some love with the Alexander Skarsgard is single post, so here’s some red meat for another demographic that gets the short end of the stick here: Republicans.

Liberal commie and former Sean Penn-lover (Redundant, you’re right.) Scarlett Johansson is the latest celebrity to receive an invitation to the Marine Corps Ball which she, of course, rejected because everyone knows she’s a Kenyan sleeper agent who receives direct messages from her Socialist Overlord instructing her to perform acts of sexy terror. Here’s her manifesto to Zap2it:

I feel incredibly honored to have been invited to the Marine Corps Ball by Sgt. Dustin L. Williams. Not only does Sgt. Williams deserve recognition for his bravery, selflessness and dedication to the United States and its people, but he also displays a cheeky talent for film making.Sgt. Williams, unfortunately due to prior commitments I will not be able to attend the Ball with you this year but I am sending you a case of Moet and Chandon with gratitude. In my absence, I raise a glass to you and all the men and women of the U.S. Marine Corps, past and present, in thanks for your continued commitment to preserving the safety of our nation.

Ooh, wow, Scarlett Johansson raised her glass. That’s almost exactly like an obligatory handjob in a limo. But, seriously, politics aside, I love how all these Marines are only just now realizing they can guilt celebrities into going out with them after a publicity stunt for Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake‘s movie went awry. (They’re going after Miley Cyrus and Paul Walker next.) I can’t help but think if they tried this at least five years ago, if not more, they could’ve easily cleaned up. I’m talking not even courteously requesting an escort to the ball and flat out demanding Britney Spears in a ball gag – while she was still hot – and the patriotic fervor in this country would’ve thrown in Lindsay Lohan – also, still hot – for good measure. Then again, they bagged Mila Kunis, so I guess this proves you always want to trust your commanders on the ground. Semper Fi, Marines.

UPDATE: Photo Boy just pointed out Scarlett sent the brand of champagne she’s paid to represent, so she rejected this guy as cheaply as possible. USA!

Photo: Splash News


  1. why don’t this/these marines just ask out republicans. there are at least a few in hollywood. heidi pratt, shannon doherty, heather locklear, bo derek. i know it’s scraping the bottom of the barrel but so’s asking most lefties.

  2. See boys, this just proves you need to (a) get the invites out early, and (b) send invites to multiple celebrities.

    P.S. You keyboard heroes ripping the Marines are totally cool and not pussies at all.

    • Confucius

      Confucius say sarcasm is weapon of the weak.

    • Venom

      So are you in the military or ever been or are you just a loudmouth pussy like O’Reilly, Hannity, Beck, Limbaugh, Nugent, Romney, Palin etc?
      Big talkers that have never spent a day in the military

      • Inmate 12236969

        Inmate says you even a bigger pussy. As for being in the military ask your mom when I paid her $5.00 dollars for a blowjob on D-street. If you know about D-street that should tell you something. What’s your unit.

      • Richard McBeef

        Inmate regularly appears to call non-military people pussies and then talk about picking up a rifle and defending our freedom or coming down to Fort Bragg to receive your ass beating.

        It’s a safe bet that he is in the military, as it is pretty much required brainwashing to believe that our nation’s military actions are part of “defending freedom” rather than a waste of tax dollars and young lives. I’m sure it’s comforting that you are “protecting our way of life” as you get shot at in some third world shithole with black liquid in the ground and watching buddies come home in flag draped boxes.

      • Walt Disney

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      • INMATE 12236969

        Come on McBeef there you again distorting the truth. I do not regularly come on here and call non-military people pussies in fact you and I got into it one time and I can’t remember if I called you cunt or not? I will defend anyone’s right to call me a pussy that’s freedom of speech baby that’s what America is all about FREEDOM—if that’s brainwashed fucking A I’m brainwashed. BTW I do agree with some of the shit you post here.

        Now if you’re non-military and slamming my profession [yeah I’m a senior non-com] I’m going to tell you to suck my dick you’re a pussy and talk about your momma; until you pick up a weapon and follow me; shut the fuck up—now that’s my freedom of speech. Now go ahead cuss me out that’s that freedom thing again.

        Now the first Marine that did this; cool move. These other Jarheads are acting like a bunch of fame whores they’re making the Marine Corps look stupid—what can I say they’re JARHEADS! I’ve served beside them or I should say in front of them because we had to wait for them because their old fucking tanks could not keep up with our M1’s!

        I’m CAVALRY If you ain’t CAV you ain’t SHIT!—HOOAH!

  3. Good for her…if there’s one thing that Marines love more than pussy, it’s champagne. Well, in the evenings…mid-afternoon most Marines prefer Earl Grey tea with their crumpets.

    Does she even know what “marine” means? I think she thinks he owns a boat.

    • cc

      You can imagine how disappointed they’d be if they opened those cases and found beer and bourbon.

      ‘Oooooooh, how uncouth.’

  4. lashon

    and i do too! after all the sh– i found out……..

  5. Holland

    “Thanks for all your fighting, but No I will not go out with you. I will on the other hand send you a case of champagne, from the brand I model for. Which will cost me absolutely jackshit AND score me browniepoints with my boss (free publicity&all)”


  6. Parker

    I think for ditching that jarhead and his Gyrene Ball she should have to come to my house and make me a tray of turkey sandwiches then let me stick my weiner in her tight little traitorous ass and so I can pork her butt till she pisses herself. Then she has serve me a sandwich with a nice cold beer before she goes off to clean the rest of the house and do my laundry. Later, I’ll spank her while stuffing her fudgepot with my hog, telling her she’s a naughty girl for saying no to a guy who needs a news crew to score a date but taking a hard one the back way a few times will absolve her of any sins in the eyes of Rupert Murdoch.

  7. Venom

    It was cool when the first Marine asked out Mila and original, but now they are taking advantage of it.

  8. bing

    Why don’t they ask Heidi Montag instead ? I’m sure she will fit the situation better.

  9. cc

    Dressed for her next role as a gritty private detective in 1930s New York.

  10. paul revere

    call bristol palin.

  11. rough

    On the contrary, she loves America. Just because you spruced up your resume; it doesn’t mean you may land any job you want…

  12. Frank Burns

    Who wants Johansson anyway, you’d have to dunk her in a tub of bleach to get the combined odors of Spicoli’s tobacco breath and middle-aged flop sweat off of her.

  13. Reading is Sexy

    “Scarlett sent the brand of champagne she’s paid to represent”

    Sounds pretty capitalistic if you ask me….

    In fact, this is the true American way: We don’t care what you want, we make a profit off of this, so shut up, take it & like it.

  14. Mandy

    I’m not saying these celebrities should go on these dates just because the guys are Marines, but why not? Not only would they be doing a nice thing for people who serve their country (blah blah blah) but think of all the FREE PUBLICITY! There aren’t many Americans who wouldn’t be falling in love for Scarlett if she did this.

  15. watson

    Is all this Marine publicity stunting a way to pay back Seal Team Six for you know what? Because if I was on the Team, all I’d want is a hefty paycheck.

  16. Fors

    I hope this becomes a yearly tradition. It would be awesome to see celebrities doing something for the military every year.

    • Venom

      You mean like pay hefty taxes that pay for their paychecks and benefits?

      • Fuck you,lib asshole

      • INMATE 12236969

        Eric I think you and I are in the same platoon.

      • Venom

        This country is broke and we also have lots of nice high tech alternatives to human soldiers, so guess what, it is going to be the unemployment line for a lot of you soldiers in the future.

        Goodbye military welfare.

      • INMATE 12236969

        Oh Venom you’re so stupid I could just puke! The military budget; that’s a drop in the bucket. It’s social welfare programs that’s busting this country just like what’s going on in Europe—they’re going broke because of social welfare programs—get your shit together before making dumbass comments.

        Just like I have some white trash cousins their only job was selling drugs to school kids in and out of jail all their lives now they get a government check for being drug dealers and they’re so fucked up from doing drugs they can’t get a job—so liberal assholes like you support this shit.

        So FUCK YOU welfare baby I bet you have a free [I paid for it] cell phone like the rest of the welfare trash!

  17. AtomicMug

    Johannson i gonna look so gross when she’s 40.

    I mean she’s on a downward spiral anyway, but now she’s been poisoned by Sean Penn’s ashy, hate-filled soul and nicotine-pickled testicles, so she’s pretty much doomed (Look what Penn did to Princess Buttercup if you don’t believe me.)

    And while I generally can’t stand Marines either — only because I was in the Army’s 75th Rgr Regiment, and we have ingrained cross-services rivalries — I think it’s pretty sad that a whiney pederast like Woody Allen or a murderous despot who reeks of Chianti, weed and pisca andina sweat like Hugo Chavez has a better shot at Johansson hajo than any US Serviceman.

    Thanks for the love, Hollywood!

  18. INMATE 12236969

    Ok let me explain something to some you fucks that don’t get it; defending these oil rich counties is defending American Freedom; you keep it over there man—you don’t want it here!

    What do you want us to do—defend the fucking rainforest? Oil is money and money runs this country—please take a course in basic economics; the military is a tool I’m one of those tools; we know what’s going on; you think we that fucking stupid?

    We get paid good money for what we do and its fun believe it or not; some of you pussies will never have a clue. It’s like never having a piece of pussy you’ll never understand.

    So you that never served and talk shit about my profession—FUCK YOU!

  19. Ebony

    is this for real? you ppl attack this girl and call her a commie because she respectfully declined to go to a ball? wow this is pathetic and you should be ashamed of yourselves. The woman recently went through a divorce AND a break up, could she possibly not be in the mood to go dance around. Please grow up and be respectful. just because she doesn’t go to a dance DOES NOT mean she “hates America”. shame on whoever wrote this article for your disrespect.

    • I don’t know… Casey Anthony murdered her own child, and she went to all kinds of parties immediately. A divorce and a break-up seems like a pretty weak excuse by comparison.

  20. Motorboat Captain

    She blew Sean Penn. Of course she hates America.

  21. the one

    somebody who really loved that sick american “Sean Penn” must leave the country at once!!

  22. ri

    “How can I pass up the opportunity for some great publicity and show the world I think I’m more important than everyone else?”

  23. Paloma

    She’s not the only one. I hate America too.

  24. juaquin ingles

    I’m glad she said no. These douchebags think they can pressure these chicks into something because of the publicity, like those fucking assholes who propose at basketball games.

  25. Angus

    Nothing against the Marine Corps. They are bad ass but they really need to quit with asking celebs to their ball.

    All these rejections are making them look a bit pathetic.

  26. Scarlett Johansson Marine Ball
    Commented on this photo:

    Marines begging for a date.
    Didn’t see that coming.

  27. Ben Dover

    Doesn’t everyone hate America?? Good on these Marines for the attempt to hit up hot chicks and good on them for fighting the enemy in their land, but seriously America is going down the world toilet in a hurry.

  28. Mark

    Why would anyone want to go out with a celebrity? Most of them barely finished high school and some look up to them?! Besides you should know she’s not gonna bang you so stop dreaming.

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