Don’t Call ScarJo ScarJo

December 19th, 2011 // 53 Comments

Seen here describing the intense ordeal of gazing upon Sean Penn‘s testicles for the first time – “And the left one walked with a cane, a trail of Gold Bond Medicated Powder in its wake…” – Scarlett Johansson apparently hates being called ScarJo and bitched to USA Today about how respected actors way out of her league don’t get saddled with a shitty nickname:

“It’s a laziness,” says Johansson, 27, her black ankle boot propped up on one of the Ritz-Carlton Central Park’s gilded coffee tables. “People can’t actually say the whole name? It’s just bizarre.” She tries shorthand sobriquets on other stars. How come Daniel Day-Lewis isn’t subjected to “like, ‘DaDay’? So Cate Blanchett is not, like, ‘CaBla’? Why is that? Why do I have to get stuck” with a mangled moniker?

1. Daniel Day Lewis is method as fuck and will literally travel back to 19th century New York and throw a goddamn knife in your eye if you called him “DaDay.”

2. Cate Blanchett won an Oscar and more importantly wasn’t in Iron Man 2.

3. You make millions of dollars to play dress-up for a living, quit your bitching, Gwyneth Jr. (That’s the nickname I picked, but noooo, no one listens to the Dick Joke Teller. Oh, they’ll be sorry. They’ll be sorry…)

Photos: INFdaily, Splash News


  1. Do_Freebird

    Her bod is still bitcihng, but her face is getting a little, how should I say it – “bagable”. I see some massive nose work in her future, and God knows what else. Is there any surgery to make a person walk gracefully

    • Cleavon Little

      She already had massive nose work. Probably nothing more they can do. This face is already post plastic surgery.

      • Do_Freebird

        They can always work on it until it decays to the point of falling off. Look what that did to the dead pedophiles career.

    • TruthTeller

      You guys are fuckin’ idiots! YOU THINK HER FACE IS “BAGGABLE”. I bet there’s a lot of women who’d say that about you. She’s a natural beauty who doesn’t need 17 layers of makeup to look good & is better looking than 95% of those 2-legged pencils in Hollywood. I can’t imagine how flawless you’re ideal woman has to be. What an ass-bag. P.S. DOUCHEBAG, M.J. WAS fucked up in some ways, but he was framed after taking on Mottola/Sony, & WAS NEVER PROVEN TO BE A PEDOPHILE GENIUS!

  2. Coyote

    I never thought she was as HOT as she thinks she is.

  3. JC

    Gotta love how her examples are two actors that are way, way more talented than she is.

    I put her name into an anagram generator to try to find a better nickname. Some of my favorites:

    Snatches Arson Jolt
    Recast Talons Johns
    Cajoles Than Snorts

  4. JC

    Wait, wait, sorry, this one is better:

    Snatch Arson Jostle

  5. I suspect “ScarJo” came about because people have a hard time spelling her last name. Me, I never remember if the last vowel is an E or an O.

    • satan's taint

      Me, I’ve never had an occasion where I *had* to remember if the last vowel is an E or an O, nor do I give two shits in hell.

  6. stratacat

    i thought that was hillary clinton.

  7. Scarlett Johansson The Today Show
    Commented on this photo:

    She left the ocean. It was too current.

  8. While I don’t give two shits about Scarlett Johansson, I do agree that celebrity composite names (be they couple composites or things like ScarJo or LiLo) are really fucking stupid and obnoxious.

  9. Venom

    You pay me $10 million plus a year for a few months of “work” you can call me whatever the hell you want. She should be happy that people care enough to call her anything other than waitress or stripper.

  10. Frank Burns

    Okay, Scarlett, we’ll use your title and full name so we won’t be lazy: “Mediocre actress with disappointing nude photos and an old man fetish Scarlett Johannsen”. Better?

  11. Scarlett Johansson The Today Show
    Cowboy Ned Fengves
    Commented on this photo:

    She is doing a pantomime of what it would be like to have my penis in her hands. The dimensions are roughly accurate.

  12. vader

    who cares what this overrated pig faced zero has to say!

  13. How about JoScar the Grouch?

  14. Gwyneth Jr. seems so f*cking on the money, except that Paltrow mellowed down and stopped thinking she’s the center of the world… unlike ScarJo.
    It’s better to call her Gwyneth 2.0 – prettier, yet bitchier, with the same level of none-talent.

    • bj

      In what fucking universe did Gwyneth Paltrow stop thinking she’s the center of the universe? All that’s changed is that she now thinks she’s going to SAVE the universe that revolves around her 0% bodyweight ass by hitting people with cars and singing country and soul (WHAT THE FUCK) music amongst a slew of gays on primetime.

  15. Dan

    She is not nearly as hot or an awesome actress as she thinks she is.

    You can mangle my name all you want if you were responsible for making me millions of dollars.

  16. SisterRay

    “her black ankle boot propped up on one of the Ritz-Carlton Central Park’s gilded coffee tables”


    Am I the only one that wants this mediocre bitch to shut up and go away?

  17. Can I suggest we all start calling her “Show Me Your Tits”?

    “Right this way Miss Show Me Your Tits.”
    “Another beverage, Show Me Your Tits?”
    “Show me your tits, Show Me Your Tits!”

    I think this’ll work.

  18. Ummmm

    Awwwww….the aging ingenue (she’s 27 y’all) name-drops respected actors thinking she’s in the same league as them….awwwww.

    Delusion can be so much fun!

  19. I think she’s more like a Megan Fox who knew how to keep her mouth shut for a while.

  20. Scarlett Johansson The Today Show
    Commented on this photo:

    At least she’s back to looking hot again. Click on this picture for her shocking look just a week ago.

  21. Rick

    It would be nice if Hollywood got back to hiring the talented instead of the friend of a friend. I would happily forgo the ScarJo’s and Kardashians for some quality.

  22. Where did this girl get the impression that she is an elite actress? It was Sophia Coppolla wasn’t it? Leave it to a female director to inflate a starlet’s confidence. Ok, someone sign her up for a Michael Bay film.

  23. Schmidtler

    If she doesn’t like her current nickname, she knows that the rules dictate she be assigned another much less flattering nickname as a punishment for bitching, right?
    so, how about ‘Fatty McGoo’, fatass, woody allen’s old cum dumpster, old man ball sniffer, Titsy McNotalent.
    seriously, she has great tits, is decent enough at acting, but she’s no Dame Edna.

  24. blah

    The ego on that girl. They gave you a nickname because they were FOND of you, generally speaking. Not so much anymore.

  25. Rita

    Daniel Day-Lewis does have a nickname– DDL.

  26. Skinny

    Bitch is deluded. Anyone else think she’s been uglying herself up on purpose lately so she gets taken as a ‘serious’ actor? With the frumpy clothes and hair styles and no make-up.

    • spiralina

      Wow, has this chick ever given a soundbite that WASN’T inane, borderline retarded egomaniacal blather? Let’s just say she’s obviously made her career based on what’s gone into her mouth rather than what’s come out of it. Unlike, say, Daniel Day Lewis or Cate Blanchett.

  27. ri

    How about “douchebag dick drainer”

  28. Really?!

    Wow she really is a complete fucking idiot. Scarlett Johansson just plain has more syllables than the names she is referring to. Cate Blanchette is only 3 syllables. Anyone with a 5+syllable full name is eventually going to get a nickname if it is said enough times. What the fuck man. I can’t believe she is that much of on an entitled bitch. How could she even put her name in the same category of Cate and Daniel. Just because she wore see-through underwear in a shitty Sophia Coppola movie that Bill Murray pretty much owned, she thinks she is something? Now that the world has seen her naked, she has nothing left to offer. Good luck doing Nicholas Sparks based B-movies starring Channing Tatum for the next 10 years after this whole Avenger’s farce is over you fu-cking bitch.

  29. browny

    Cate Blanchette has a degree in acting. Daniel Day Lewis is the progeny of Cecil Day Lewis the poet (not sure how that makes him a good actor, but wtf, eh?) and Scar Jo is way past her useby as an ‘actress’. She used to be a hot chick who appeared as herself in films. Now, even that old hornbag scum Woody Allen has moved on. Sorry Scar, time’s up.

  30. chuck

    What’s important is that “ScarJo” makes anyone who says it aloud sound like a moron.

  31. Jenni

    she is an ugly whore .. who cares

  32. jl

    ha! she actually compared herself to talent. what a joke.

  33. Scarlett Johansson The Today Show
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t say exactly what’s different but she’s not looking better as she ages…even if she is in he 20s.

Leave A Comment