Scarlett Johansson’s Divorce Has Gone Full Brangelina

Yesterday, Scarlett Johansson’s ex Romain Dauriac made a ballsy and very public move by filing for full primary custody of their daughter on the heels of Scarlett filing for divorce, and man, did he kick up some shit. Right off the bat, Scarlett released a statement to the media saying she will “never, ever” talk to the media about the divorce except for this one time where she’s talking to the media so her daughter can read about the divorce she doesn’t want her reading about in the media. I don’t fucking know.

“As a devoted mother and private person and with complete awareness that my daughter will one day be old enough to read the news about herself, I would only like to say that I will never, ever be commenting on the dissolution of my marriage,” she said in the statement. “Out of respect for my desires as a parent and out of respect for all working moms, it is with kindness that I ask other parties involved and the media to do the same. Thank you.”

Of course, this plan spectacularly backfired when Romain Dauriac’s lawyer started talking to the media even more about the divorce, which as Lainey Gossip points out is probably the only card they have to play. And you can tell how well that’s going because here’s Romain publicly groveling for ScarJo to return to the bargaining table. PEOPLE reports:

In a statement released to PEOPLE, Dauriac has asked the actress to withdraw her divorce filing for the sake of their 2-year-old daughter Rose Dorothy.
“It is indeed unfortunate, especially for our daughter, that Scarlett filed in Court and made our personal differences so public,” he said in the statement. “I would implore her to withdraw her action promptly and go back, as uncomfortable as it might be, to the negotiating table. We are the parents of a lovely daughter whom we will continue to co-parent for many years and share her joys and sorrows as only a parent can.”

As you’ve probably noticed, not once during this shitshow did anyone drunkenly commandeer a fuel truck, so I honestly don’t care how this shakes out because clearly these two don’t love their daughter as much Brad Pitt loves his kids. He was going to drive that puppy into shit so hard. You don’t even know.

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Photo: Getty