Sarah Jessica Parker is just plain ugly

September 25th, 2007 // 309 Comments
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Mother of God, is it possible for someone to be less attractive? I don’t get how any man could find her the least bit arousing. Even if solid gold coins shot out of her ears during sex, there’s no way I’d go near Sarah Jessica Parker. Sure I’d be filthy rich, but my wang would never talk to me again. And it’s important for the two of us to maintain open lines of communication. I need to know when he’s got to pee, and he needs to know when I’m drunk. So he’s ready for some mystery spelunking. Will he be in a woman tonight or a bagel? Therein lies the mystery.

superficial

  1. FINALLY! Someone has seen the light besides me.

    SJP looks like a glass-jaw boxer with boobs and long hair. Her face is one only a trucker could love.

    MMMmmmmmm…..trucker love.

  2. Robert

    Kristen Davis is the real babe ! She has great legs a great ass and decent tits

  3. Italian Stallion

    Does she do meth with Fergie, or what?

  4. her body is killer. I would do her in a second….with the lights off

  5. I love coming to your site to get the latest stories, your writing style is hilarious. Thanks for the great work!

    Jeff
    Stupid Celebrities

  6. Snarky McComments

    Sarah, Why the long face?

  7. Me laugh!

    Oh sweet irony!

    Funny little Mary. You, my dear, were doing just that – writing slanderous things about people you don’t know.

    Now quit telling us about how you’re are joining the navy. Good for you. We got it the first time.

    Bon voyage!

  8. Me laugh!

    Good gravy. Why did I say Mary? I meant Sara.

    Obviously.

    Narf!

  9. Tits McGee

    She needs to put on a few pounds. Inject those wrinkles with some dead hobo.
    Cut off that nappy shitty yellow hair, dye it light brown, get an age-appropriate bob, and start knitting her husband a sweater. Sit down in that rocking chair, and take off those heels, damn you!

  10. Mary

    Are you blind?! This woman is gorgeous! All beautiful women have haters who trash talk them and that’s all this is. I think she is absolutely stunning and everyone has bad hair days so that’s no reason to cast her “ugly” because of that one picture.

  11. marty

    thesuperficial has officially become too dumb for me. hecklerspray.com is twice as smart and funny as this predictable, juvenile crap. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE!

  12. Iggy

    Is she “gorgeous”? I’d have to vote neigh.

  13. Nancy

    hahaha

  14. Steve

    Damn, her forearms look pretty big in that first shot! must be all those heavy heavy handbags and purses those women carry, tough business! :D

  15. lambman

    She’s 42, has 2 kids and isn’t wearing make-up….how attractive do you expect her to be?

    she’s got great hair, a banging body, is funny as heck, has a pretty smile…she just has a long face and odd nose, but she’s unique and that’s what made her successful

  16. robin

    #192 Is “demently” even a word? Perhaps you’re a newly arrived European.

  17. J

    She looks like Dee Snider from Twisted Sister!

  18. Lae

    Yes, everyone in hollywood needs to look like jessica alba or else.

    that is complete BS. SJP is talented. She sold the role as Carrie. I am sure everyone that is talking crap about her is a perfect 10. LOL yeah right.

  19. Karen

    Yes, she was very convincing as a no longer youthful woman who was constantly complaining and dissatisfied. Maybe somebody should have sprinkled powdered antidepressants on her oats.

  20. BiddyBCameSara

    Sara, get some navy seal sex. you are spending way too much time arguing here. You don’t need us. You need sex.

  21. adeliza

    @#98, 100, 106: Guys, great news! The boss just came in the door and said the word we’re gonna use in place of RETARD is NIGGERFUXATED!!! I’m so excited I just peed in my panties!!!

    Oh, shit! I went commando today!!! : O

  22. JrsyGrl

    She’s beautiful. Just because she doesn’t have conventional features doesn’t make her ugly!

  23. justjohnny

    two words – RUTH BUSSEY!
    Yikes!

  24. whatever

    “Mother of God, is it possible for someone to be less attractive?”

    see: kirsten dunst

  25. fel

    I absolutely love SJP. Everyone dissing her is what’s wrong with Hollywood and society’s example of beauty. She’s not classically beautiful, but she has a rockin’ body and GORGEOUS eyes. Plus when her hair is straight down, she is quite the looker.

  26. Let’s be honest, she was always a bit ropey looking wasn’t she? How old is Kim Cattrall now? She’s got to hitting 60 surely.

  27. Esther

    I don’t think that she’s beautiful in the traditional sense of the word, but there is something about her that I think is attractive. I wouldn’t go gay for her, but you know what I’m saying.

  28. josh

    oh my god, thank you. i thought i was the only one who found her repulsive. and to think i’m part of a community now.

  29. josh

    did someone here call her a looker? she’s a hobbit.

  30. frangly

    Her hands look like that cuz she’s so thin. You can’t have a thin body and plump , smooth hands.

    She has the kind of off-beat appeal that is attractive to men in Europe, whereas here in the US we seem to value a Barbie-doll interchangeable generic look.

  31. Isn’t that Mr. Ed, the talking horse? No? It’s actually a girl? Wow. Who would have thunk!

  32. Carlos

    Sarah looks like the type of girl you can hook up with and even splooge inside her with no rubber within 2 whiskey sours. She just wants to be held.

  33. robbyrob

    I cant believe how she has turned out!! EWWWWWW!!!!

    http://www.spymac.com/details/?2262427

  34. kerry_zaputz

    Sandra Oh is uglier

  35. she’s already in her 40s…what do u expect?? 20 year old model??

  36. Abz

    I think she’s beautiful.

  37. L.Linus

    I’ve always laugh that she said, “I don’t feel comfortable doing nudity and I thought we aren’t comfortable look at you with clothes on. So maybe if you were naked we might, and I mean might think you look as good as Sandra Oh or Courtney Love!!

  38. FAIL

    Weak ass, unfunny, pointlessly mean commentary. Try again.

  39. PookiePoo

    She may not be a conventional beauty but she does have a certain something. That’s a bad pic of her. Love the show. God! Kim Cattrel is 52 and she still looks great! Makes growing old not look so bad.

  40. zsa

    I love SATC and SJP so all I’ve got to say is you try caking all that make-up and see what you look like. And she’s 40ish not 20ish you guys. Plus her ponytail is way too tight with all that frizz behind it. It makes her head look smaller. Can’t wait to see the movie…

  41. DAn

    I LOVE SARAH JESSICA PARKER!. SHE HAS a hot for her age, SHES Fashionable, SHE HAS ABS!!!! Her Eyes are beautiful, Her face may be awkward, but she works it! Shes beautiful in my eyes. She’s incredible. So f U! im never going to this site again. BARF!

  42. lopelus

    The worst part is, Sarah Jessica Parker is someone’s -fault-. Personally, I blame the middle-aged crowd of women of the late 90′s to early 2000′s. If they hadn’t been so orgasmically repressed all their lives, a show about women “taking charge” of their sexuality wouldn’t have turned a single head. Why should my generation suffer by having to look at the corpses of that “break through” parade through the media?
    Don’t even get me started on her fashion…Seems to me that before picking/agreeing to any outfit, she ritualistically shoves an electric egg beater up her ass to see what it puts her in the mood for.

  43. +_+

    I think it’s a horse in drag.. nice mane.

  44. dictionary.com

    Definition of “awkward phrasing”:

    “She’s not classically beautiful.”

    Preferable:

    “She’s just plain ugly.”

    Please don’t abuse the language.

  45. sdfsdf

    ^ LOL i agree. Did anybody thought she was pretty? Even when i was watching the show I thought the guys on the show were crazy for trying to go out with her… I remember in Family guy when peter commented her face looked like a foot. =_= I have to agree

  46. wedgeone

    Too perfect. She looks like the lead singer of Twisted Sister, and all her supporters are saying to the Fish “we’re not gonna take it, no, we ain’t gonna take it.” It’s like a set of pictures with a chorus.

  47. JaneaneTheAcerbicGoblin

    Whether Sara is beautiful or a “horse face” (as many here and elsewhere put it) doesn’t matter…

    Sex and the City is an overrated show, and the movie is completely unnecssary….

  48. Idlickherassallnight

    She is so hot! You people are stoned or something. I would lick her ass everyday for the rest of my life!

  49. claudia

    i hate you

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