Sarah Jessica Parker is just plain ugly

September 25th, 2007 // 309 Comments
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Mother of God, is it possible for someone to be less attractive? I don’t get how any man could find her the least bit arousing. Even if solid gold coins shot out of her ears during sex, there’s no way I’d go near Sarah Jessica Parker. Sure I’d be filthy rich, but my wang would never talk to me again. And it’s important for the two of us to maintain open lines of communication. I need to know when he’s got to pee, and he needs to know when I’m drunk. So he’s ready for some mystery spelunking. Will he be in a woman tonight or a bagel? Therein lies the mystery.

superficial

  1. weener

    #96…

    Hey Paris, we know it’s you.

    It’s your diseased mind as well as body that keeps guys from showing all of themselves to you. That’s why you havent’ found love.

  2. steve

    LMAO # 99.

    She’s not ugly. She’s just ugly boned.

    I still say she has to see a veterinarian when she ills.

  3. too funny

    check out thumbnail #7 and tell me she’s not a thumb-head.

  4. Wake Up American

    Wake up America. She has a beautiful heart and it shows. She gives other average looking people hope. She works at making herself look attractive and has a nice shape for a petite woman. I was born good looking but have a heart of gold. Not all people are lucky to be born with natural good looks. I say power to the average looking person; you too can be attractive.

  5. biddy

    what if love is a consolation prize for poor, ugly losers?

  6. you chicks are fat!

    92- I’m hot. and educated. wanna pic? Like, oh my god! I’m such a fucking RETARD!

    96- and, like….. good fucking god. shoots in the dark, hopefully in the direction of your RETARDED brain.

    There, see how easy it is to use retard in the correct context?

  7. adeliza

    #98 & #100

    great minds think alike!

  8. Sheva

    Hey, if you smoke two packs a day living in the big city, you will look haggard too.
    Besides, some dudes like chicks that look like dudes. And Broderick actually swings with a dude that looks like him.

    Then he goes home and hangs with his other dude.

    If he didn’t swing like that, he’d never let Sloan go early in his career. But he was the sassy cute boy who runs people over in Ireland, gets off and has a remarkable career as a gay like but officially ungay actor.

    Sadly, this is the sad alternative. Haggard, self-absorbed jewess princess in NYC is what he got. He should have went all out gay.

  9. Good Looking with A Good Personality

    #96 Biddy-You are only in your 30s so relax. You will find love. Perhaps you should work on your personality. Good luck.

  10. betenoir

    I’m mature, but I consider SJP ugly. And the reason I am entitled to say that and everybody else who shares that opinion is because they have thrust this bitch into our faces as some kind of iconic sex symbol. Excuse me while I empty my barf bag….

    Can you spell Trigger? Put a saddle on this bitch. All that stuff about her not being a classic beauty…. I’ll tell you what she is, a classic fugly broad.

    Just goes to show you how important self-esteem really is. Cause I’m sure SJP swears she’s gorgeous.

  11. Grant

    You know, I actually disagree. Sarah Jessica Parker is one of the three broads I’d nail if I actually nailed broads. She’s well dressed, pretty, spunky, and just seems like a lot of fun. You could have sex with her and then go shopping right after.

    Thanks for posting the pictures though, I’m so excited for this movie!!!!

  12. Turd Polisher...

    As I always say…”You can polish a turd all you want but it’s still a turd”. Never really thought she was much to look at myself…

  13. Ted from LA

    Dear #96,
    How wealthy are we talking? How strong of a libido? I think you should go out with a real man (Ted from LA). When I die you will be upset for over an hour. I think you have a personality disorder. Seek counseling and post pictures asap. Naked pictures are the best way for us to fully analyze you.

    On a more germane point, has anyone else heard that SJP is being bred to Storm Cat this year?

  14. jen5276

    I liked the show very much, but I think the movie is going to be a snorefest. They should have left well enough alone. And I live in NYC, and I NEVER see anyone walking around dressed like these women. Maybe Charlotte, and that’s iffy.

  15. @113 Ted – you are follow for a troll!!!

  16. lambman

    I like her, she’s a lot more talented and interesting that the skanks this stie posts on over and over and over. Also, she still has a better body that most chick half her age.

  17. biddy

    Sorry, Ted, but I already have a funny one. Sometimes I want to feel like my life isn’t just a farce, like it’s not just a sarcastic negation of everything serious, you know?

  18. Ted from LA

    Hmmm,
    Would somebody please tell me what Jimbo just typed?

  19. Me

    i think she’s beautiful.

  20. biddy

    plus, L.A. is the pits. sorry, but i don’t think a classy person would live there.

    that’s why everyone in L.A. is so bitter. it’s just a bolus of people who’re stuck.

  21. Ted from LA

    Alright, I will be serious for one post, Biddy. You have commitment issues and really do need to get counseling. The best thing in the world is having children (which is why SJP is being bred to Storm Cat). They force you to quit thinking about yourself and to wipe somebody elses ass. Once you’ve done that, you can no longer only think about your own needs. For many years, I too used my personality as a form of birth control, but I slipped one by the goalie and bam… ass wiping city.

    Thanks for writing,
    Ann Landers

  22. Greg

    So Jessica – why the long face?

  23. @118 Sorry Ted the phone rang. #96 is a troll. You are falling for a troll

  24. sha su

    I like her face. She has great career and seems to be genuinely nice person. Go SJP

  25. Ted from LA

    Who said I live in LA? It’s just my moniker. I wouldn’t be caught in Paris Hilton’s snatch in LA.

  26. adeliza

    Kieffer Southerland was busted for a DUI last night.

    When can we start dogging him out?

    This site is a little slow, maybe?

  27. Ted from LA

    If my name were “Kieffer” I’d be drunk too.

  28. getonyourknees

    I bet you all look so much better…she’s rich, you’re not. You’re pathetic losers sitting around bitching about her looks, and she couldn’t give a shit what you think. So go gag on whatever you’re stuffing your face with and try to step out of the house today.

  29. biddy

    sorry i thought you were a whore, sir, but you are wearing a whore’s uniform…

    so i’m supposed to be self-less, right? well, is that even possible? how would i even know i were selfless unless i gave up everything i own, and then for the sake of what, other peoples’ selfishness? yeah, good fucking sacrifice. at least i know i sort of appreciate the things i have.

  30. biddy

    and how would i even know if i were only giving up everthing in order to fulfill the selfish goal of proving to myself that i’m selfless?

  31. veggi

    128- just because people say that to you all the time honey, it doesn’t mean you have to take it as your name.

  32. Krishna

    She is the typical BUTTERFACE. Everything is good BUT HER FACE. I never understood why anyone would think she is hot. I’m glad I’m not the only one out there…..

  33. ji

    #128

    i ain’t goin out. sjp is out there.

  34. YFishY

    @96…Just post pics. Naked better, not ok. Please let the Fish’d readers decide if you are hot. Afterall it is only fair. If all you needed was a boyfriend you wouldn’t be here. We promise not to laugh at your pics but I won’t promise not to include them the next time I write a porn site asking for a job as a model.

  35. veggi

    hey bitty, shut the fuck up. See if that helps with your love life.

  36. Ted from LA

    I’d respond Biddy, but I am do back on planet earth. My spaceship awaits.

  37. SheIsGross

    Boy, this woman has turned out to be one helluva hot button topic. Maybe all of you fucktards (thanks, adeliza!) who think she is hot shit should go to an SJP fansite and hash it out there. She is not beautiful. I agree with the other poster that no women in the city dress like her. If her ‘style’ on S&TC is so great, why doesn’t SHE dress like that in the city?

  38. fuck biddy

    can we all agree to the ignore the troll “biddy”?

    it’s a fucking thirteen year old cutting school, typing on daddy’s computer.

    Ignore that thing.

  39. WildwolfWoman

    you got nothing better than sex w/old ladies and jake and snobby bitch???? WTF SUPERFISH!!!! Come on….give us something better than this shit…

  40. biddy

    awww, do my perfidious words resonate in your darkest heart of hearts my little drunkard?

    okay. i’ll shut up then… i guess i’m lookin’ in all the wrong places.

  41. LadyJane

    My vagina makes a great cup of coffee.

  42. wii

    LadyJane…awesome. but not sure how to read.

    To biddy: I think it’s pretty clear why you haven’t found love. No big mystery there.

  43. beth ditto must be euthanized

    I now pronounce you Knocked Up and Larry, you may Fish the bride.

  44. Annie

    SJP is beautiful! I’ve met her up close and personal. She is a wonderful person.So you found a picture of her with no makeup. Big deal. Don’t mess with SJP!!!!

  45. SheIsGross

    @141 – I’ll have a large coffee regular, please. With a to-go lid if that’s not too much trouble.

  46. Kat

    I’ve always thought she looked like the Wicked Witch!

  47. SheIsGross

    @144 – A picture with no makeup? That’s a shot from the set of the new movie, you idiot! She had better have makeup on! And if she does, well then we who don’t ‘get her’ rest our case.

  48. biddy

    i can’t believe any of you would think i’m a real person.

    what kind of elitist, materialistic bitch would sit around with the hoi polloi worrying about not finding love?

    good job, jimbo. even with your meth-induced brain damage, you’re better than i thought.

  49. veggi

    you promised you’d shut up.

  50. M.

    Kim looks fabulous! And others looks fabulous too!

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