Sarah Jessica Parker is classically beautiful (i.e. ugly)

October 3rd, 2007 // 169 Comments

Where’s He-Man? Skeletor’s running around in a wedding dress again. No, hold on, it’s Sarah Jessica Parker on the set of the Sex and the City movie. Gross. So the guy who has to marry her committed some sort of awful crime right? What’d he do; murder the president’s daughter by blowing up a bus full of schoolchildren and baby pandas? Even then marrying Sarah Jessica Parker is a bit harsh. Couldn’t they just give him a lethal injection?

NOTE: This is maybe the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Images: Splash

  1. lizl

    The top is way too small for her, in fact its huuuuuuuuuuge. Her boobs look bloody horrible.


    Aw what a pretty horse.

  3. #18

    #16 was telling me how he asked his necrophiliac friend what happened to the girl he was seeing. The friend replied “oh, she split on me.”

  4. steve

    SJP- Skanky Jewish Princess

  5. justcurious

    At least she got the color of the feathers in her veil to match all the gross veins in her arms….and for all the money she has can’t she just get rid of that stupid mole or whatever it is on her face????

  6. poindor

    she looks like a drag queen. I must say I never liked her show and thought it was a pretty dumbass show to begin with. Now that she looks older she looks like a has-been drag queen that real drag queens would be embarrassed about. And she also looks like a horse.

  7. adeliza

    Poor Chris Noth.

  8. Pat Field had the day off

    New York – The nuptials of Mr. Big, billionare businessman, and Carrie Bradshaw, girl-about-town sex columnist, was held this weekend at St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Ms. Bradshaw, who is keeping her name, wore a vintage gown which had origininally been worn by Elizabeth Taylor during her 1950′s era first marriage, which Ms. Bradshaw previously purchased at a Sotheby’s auction. Unfortunately, she forgot her padded bra for the ceremony. Best gal pal Samantha Jones took her aside and said “Honey, you’ve just got to stuff ‘em like they’re Double D’s!” Miranda Hobbs, Ms. Jones and third sidekick Charlotte York then took off their panties and stuffed Ms. Bradshaw’s dress so at least she’d look a little ‘filled out’ for the reception. The happy couple honeymooned in Las Vegas, where Mr. Big was spotted weeping uncontrollably and muttering the word “tits”.

  9. PunkA

    Fish, you are sinking to new lows. This is the best you can get today? WOW. Been a slow couple of weeks, hasn’t it? Need to find some new blood for the page that people actually want to make fun of.

  10. Hill

    She’s such a pretty pony, clippity clop, clippity clop
    she’s such a pretty pony, clippity clop, clop, clop….

    my daughter’s rocking horse sings that and it’s all i can think of whenever I see this ugly slut.

  11. antsy

    superfish – it’s one thing to think she’s ugly, but you actually seem to hate her for not being your idea of beautiful. you’re a bit fucked up about women in general. and before anyone says it yes i KNOW this is a celebrity scorning site but he’s never this vicious about men’s appearances

  12. Sorry_but_True

    Any wedding dress in the world cannot help the fact that Sara is still paperbag ugly… Right up there with Gilbert Godfrey!!!

  13. Daniella

    they all look so old, this movie is gonna suck

  14. TS

    #8 CLASSIC!!! Good one.

  15. Queefeater

    Her face looks like feet, and those pancakeous boobs are revolting.

  16. adeliza

    #30- Yeah, let’s dog out some ugly men, for a change!
    Oh, wait- 99% of the men in the world ARE ugly.
    But anyhoo, where’s Carrot Top when ya need him?
    He’d make ole Jess here look like Petra Nemcova.

  17. betenoir

    They let horses get married and they won’t let gay people. Imagine that!!!

  18. El-Coyote

    Dante can now add another circle of Hell…..

  19. Sidney

    I always liked Sarah Jessica for her down to earth personality and acting. She proves that anyone can be considered attractive by taking care of ones appearance. The wedding dress top looks too big on her and reminds me of Madonna’s coned bra. There is no point in watching the movie since I already know she is marrying Mr. Big so I will wait until it comes on HBO or DVD.

  20. santa is my dad

    I Love this site, I do, I read it for the articles and everything. But, lame as it makes me, I actually want to see this movie because I”m a girl with ovaries and that’s what we do. We watch SATC and have anonymous sex. It’s just science.

    With that said, could you at least post SPOILER before you show us giant ass plot lines like Carrie getting married? I’m a little bummed now.

  21. freakwad

    her dress is god awful. it’s wrinkly, and i don’t know what the hell the silver branch-thing is on her left tit, but it’s out of place, and awkward.

    also, with all the money in the world, why doesn’t she get breast implants or something? SOMETHING to make them more alive-looking, rather than dried up prunes.

  22. boo

    In picture #2 where she is bent over, her granny boobs only fill about a third of the dress. Looks like Madonna’s bullet bra all grown up

  23. Lindsay

    It’s so sad how horrifically unattractive she is, because the show made her seem like her character, Carrie, should be this knock out. and the thole time you think, well good for her, she’s unattractive but getting all this attention – thats why it was so unrealistic. She just wouldn’t. But, SJP is pretty damn cool despite her nasty appearance. So, sorry guys, she’s not one to look at but girls think shes pretty cool, she makes us feel INFINITELY better about ourselves :)

  24. hard lesson

    #32: don’t you worry, they will all the photoshopped to perfection.

    Interesting to see what some of the celebrities really look like… there is not much left after the make-up is off and the special effects are deactivated.

  25. Jackie

    So now we know that Charlotte’s having a baby and Carrie’s marrying Big. There really is no point in seeing it now. Spoiler alert would have been nice.

  26. It’s her internal bitch coming out on her face.

  27. shokroklove

    i just threw up everywhere

  28. McLashen

    pff she was rather nice in LA Story in her cycling short back in what…? 1973?

    But now she has some wrid coathanger wire in her arms or some…

    Though hands up! I admit… I agree snarks aside more Carrot Top please his ugly orange steroid shoulders now probably span the Hudson River at it’s widest!?

  29. Maya

    Maybe it’s part of a nightmare sequence. Carrie will be horrified by what she’s wearing and will decide not to get married after all.

  30. Horace McCoy

    They Shoot Sarah Jessica Parker’s, Don’t They?

  31. stizz

    Thanks for ruining the movie asshole!

  32. Miguelito

    What I love about this is that they’re trying to send out this destructive message to women. That, for the sake of their self-worth, they need to have a glorious wedding to a permatanned millionaire with a huge cock.

    But the materialistic message doesn’t work because SJP is the farthest thing possible from Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly — women who really knew how to SELL the lie that you can Have it All. I’m sure women look at SJP in that wedding dress and just think, “Fuck, if a veil makes my nose look that big, I’ll just stay single.”

    Did I mention that SJP is ugly? When the doctor has to take her temperature rectally, he sticks the thermometer in her mouth.

  33. Pat Field had the day off

    SJP, Madonna called. She wants her cones back.

  34. my comment

    Pic # 6.

    No words needed.

  35. marge

    There’s gonna be a lot of FX needed to fill that dress…

  36. riley

    yikes, everything about this is just wrong. i would expect better from pat field (and even from carrie bradshaw).

    as for sjp, she’s never exactly been beautiful (although she has her better moments), but to be fair, i think a large part of the criticism about her body is due to her age. it seems as though women of a certain age have essentially two choices–1) let it all go (which is what most regular women do) or 2) obsessively work out/diet/etc to keep it together, but “together” doesn’t mean the same thing at 45 that it did at 25. stuff moves around, the body changes. if sjp didn’t opt for option 2 (kind of scary/scrawny with weirdly defined muscles), she’d just be called fat and dumpy. you can’t win.

  37. MindRiot

    Aaaackkk. Retina burn!
    I need bleach for my eyes, send help…..

  38. TS

    #51, Well said. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

  39. Nice bicep veins. Lay off the ‘riods.

  40. Hemlock Queen

    Where’s TT? You need to rip that dress off her bony ass and rock that shit! Hell’s yes! I bet Mr. Big would like you better too! ; )

  41. KEK

    Ever heard of the phrase spoiler alert, asshole?

  42. #1 hater

    maybe in the plot, she gets cancer and a flesh eating virus, and she’s part of a matrimonial “make a wish” foundation…..maybe it’s a dying dream sequence where she gets married…… maybe she’s supposed to look awful…surely they wouldn’t put that thing on tv for any other reason….

  43. WoW.

    Definitely isn´t the look I´ve always imagined for the “big” wedding…

  44. daynah

    I definitely agree that SJP is kinda fugly. But I love the show and her outfits. What’s so wrong with this dress? It’s definitely her character’s style. And BTW, for those who don’t want spoilers, I’m going to explain why the dress is kinda big: She’s pregnant in the movie! Yup, saw it on Access Hollywood or whatever dumbass celeb-stalking show. They said that they had to stuff her dress. They went on to say that it may have been just a dream sequence. So who knows. I’m just going to wait for this movie on DVD.

  45. 1trickpony

    Whoever gave the OK for this hag’s face to ever be shown on TV needs to be shot and pissed on, then his/her family needs to be billed for the bullet, and maybe even shot too, for good measure. Is it cancer awareness month or something? I mean seriously, what kind of sick joker puts a poor, suffering cancer patient… what? you mean it’s just a horse in a dress? time to send that pony to the glue factory…

  46. Yourfairytale

    Thanks for ruining the movie.

  47. Jennifer

    Thanks for the spoiler!

  48. nLUVwDaStars

    Give it a rest people! SJP is beautiful!!! Yes she is amazingly BEAUTIFUL!!!! And as for the dress GORGEOUS!!!

  49. JP

    I’ve always thought she was a beast. There is a distinct difference between what women and men think constitutes a “pretty” woman. This chick is a woman’s idea of pretty. To a dude, this is just one gnarly, snaggletoothed, horse-faced, too-skinny, beaker-nosed, wart-showing, ugly wildebeast. If she were not in the acting business, she would be the girl that every guy remembers as “that ugly chick” that he drunkenly hooked up with in college who, to this day, his old buddies still give him crap about.

  50. Hannah South Dakota

    What a horse. But I’ll bet you this is just a dream sequence in the movie anyway. She’ll probably wake up screaming and dump Big because she wants to keep acting like a selfish and horny 16-year-old.

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