Sarah Palin Launched An Online TV Network

The Superficial / July 28, 2014

“And that is a very good question, Tom. How would I make money? Well, you see, when I keyboard my online search into the Google like so many Americans online with their Internet, I can’t help but see so many young girls with their mouths open just gobbling up all the capitalism our forefathers fought so bravely for. And so I thought to myself, Sarah, you’re a gosh-darn competitor. Get in there and show that Internet you can open your mouth just as wide to cram in everything America has to offer, Tom. It might get messy, but only those business as usual politicians in Washington are afraid to get their hands dirty just tugging everything you can out of this great country. Me? I carry Wet-Naps right here next to my gun, Hobby Lobby Shoppers Card and Chick-Fil-A salad. This mommy-pouch isn’t afraid to get stuffed, Tom.”

If you thought the Comic-Con posts couldn’t have less bearing on your life, Variety reports Sarah Palin just launched her own Internet TV service called – wait for it – The Sarah Palin Channel because apparently FOX News, Breitbart and The Daily Caller aren’t crazy enough echo chambers:

The Sarah Palin Channel, which costs $9.95 per month or $99.95 for a one-year subscription, will feature her commentary on “important issues facing the nation,” as well as behind-the-scenes looks into her personal life as “mother, grandmother, wife and neighbor.” Palin serves as executive editor, overseeing all content posted to the channel.
“I want to talk directly to you on our channel, on my terms — and no need to please the powers that be,” Palin, who is also a Fox News contributor, said in a video announcing the channel. “Together, we’ll go beyond the sound bites and cut through the media’s politically correct filter.”

I already wrote 80,000 words about Sarah Palin’s War On Christmas book, so I’m going to make this brief: If people want to help Sarah reach full grifter status by paying her $100 a year to spew nonsensical word salads about how Obama should be impeached without possessing the most basic understanding of how impeachment even works, go nuts. Shit, buy subscriptions for everyone in your family! Because if there’s one thing I genuinely believe America stands for, it’s getting rich off of idiots. Plus, that’s $100 less for them to spend on guns or proper medical care. She’s doing us a favor.

Full Disclosure: I didn’t watch any of this. Didn’t even click play. Pulitzer me, bitch.

Photo: Getty