Sarah Palin Launched An Online TV Network

July 28th, 2014 // 80 Comments
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“And that is a very good question, Tom. How would I make money? Well, you see, when I keyboard my online search into the Google like so many Americans online with their Internet, I can’t help but see so many young girls with their mouths open just gobbling up all the capitalism our forefathers fought so bravely for. And so I thought to myself, Sarah, you’re a gosh-darn competitor. Get in there and show that Internet you can open your mouth just as wide to cram in everything America has to offer, Tom. It might get messy, but only those business as usual politicians in Washington are afraid to get their hands dirty just tugging everything you can out of this great country. Me? I carry Wet-Naps right here next to my gun, Hobby Lobby Shoppers Card and Chick-Fil-A salad. This mommy-pouch isn’t afraid to get stuffed, Tom.”

If you thought the Comic-Con posts couldn’t have less bearing on your life, Variety reports Sarah Palin just launched her own Internet TV service called – wait for it – The Sarah Palin Channel because apparently FOX News, Breitbart and The Daily Caller aren’t crazy enough echo chambers:

The Sarah Palin Channel, which costs $9.95 per month or $99.95 for a one-year subscription, will feature her commentary on “important issues facing the nation,” as well as behind-the-scenes looks into her personal life as “mother, grandmother, wife and neighbor.” Palin serves as executive editor, overseeing all content posted to the channel.
“I want to talk directly to you on our channel, on my terms — and no need to please the powers that be,” Palin, who is also a Fox News contributor, said in a video announcing the channel. “Together, we’ll go beyond the sound bites and cut through the media’s politically correct filter.”

I already wrote 80,000 words about Sarah Palin’s War On Christmas book, so I’m going to make this brief: If people want to help Sarah reach full grifter status by paying her $100 a year to spew nonsensical word salads about how Obama should be impeached without possessing the most basic understanding of how impeachment even works, go nuts. Shit, buy subscriptions for everyone in your family! Because if there’s one thing I genuinely believe America stands for, it’s getting rich off of idiots. Plus, that’s $100 less for them to spend on guns or proper medical care. She’s doing us a favor.

Full Disclosure: I didn’t watch any of this. Didn’t even click play. Pulitzer me, bitch.

Photo: Getty

superficial

  1. Cock Dr

    Will the network show that movie “Nailin’ Palin”? And would Sarah do a movie review/commentary on it?

    • Lucifer

      That’s funny. The reason he mouth is always in the blowjob position is because it’s the only way her husband can get her dumb ass to shut the fuck up.

      Seriously, even for republicans, if anyone was in any doubt that Sarah Palin is a mindless douche bag, well, now all doubt should have vanished. She expects people to pay to see her. Man does she come from the shallow Kim Kardashian pool.

  2. yourmom

    Awww… did someone get rejected for Real HouseWives Alaska??

    • JC

      The last spot came down to either her or a she-bear, but the producers weren’t convinced that nonsensical dialog like “ROAWOROWOOAR!” would make compelling TV. So they went with the bear.

  3. JC

    Episode 3: Bristol Palin, with special guest Farrah Abraham, hosts a roundtable discussion of Christian parenting techniques.

  4. Mitch

    I don’t even care for Palin but the fact that she makes liberals shit their pants at the mere mention of her name really makes me think she’s not half bad.

    • Pete

      You’d think you’d be able to tell the difference between laughing and shitting.

    • hmm, well I can be liberal at times – and all I’ve done is marvel at the bullshit that falls from her mouth. oh and I laugh at her a LOT. you know who eats up all her bullshit? it ain’t liberals, pal. also, she keeps gettin’ all that loot from fleecing… wait for it…. non-liberals! she ain’t scaring anyone with half a brain. nice try though.

    • Mitch, no liberals or people with common sense are shitting themselves rather laughing at her and her supporters. She is kept by Right Wing nuts with just enough PR and media interest so mutually assured destruction (MAD) applies if she was ever positioned for VP/President?

      • Mitch

        Not true. My brother-in-law, a rabid, hard core liberal actually did shit himself in the middle of a heated discussion with my father prior to the 2008 election.

        I’m not kidding. He was so worked up he actually shit himself.

      • … I don’t believe you.

      • Mitch

        It’s OK, I don’t believe a lot of the crap I read here either.

      • Your brother-in-law was just providing a visual (and olfactory) aide to Palin’s thought process and communication skills. I think it makes perfect sense as a finishing argument. It’s unfortunate it was lost on you and your father.

      • Jimmy

        Yet, you’re here.

        Mitch, if you want to masturbate to celebrities, you’re got to accept you are, deep down, a progressive. No god-fearing republican would jerk off on pictures on the internet, would they? Our Founding Fathers did not spank their way through the drafting of the Constitution, but here you are, reading a gossip blog and playing with yourself.

      • Mitch

        Jimmy,

        Thanks for the kind words but I feel that I need to step in and correct a couple points.

        First off, I am not a republican. I’m not a democrat either and frankly, I think both parties are no better than your garden variety street gang.

        As for jerking off to celebrities, no thanks. There are far better chicks to jerk off to that aren’t celebrities. I mean seriously, do you actually think anyone jerks off to pudgy, pale junkies like Lindsey Lohan? Why would I waste my time when I can fill the spank bank with the hotness that is Michelle Obama.

        Did I mention that I am a sado-masochist?

        Now, let’s see how many down votes this one gets!!!

      • Oh BABY

        Ignore Fish’s liberal circle-jerk friends, Mitch. They’re all terrified of having the world righted and a stop put to their lies and pandering to minorities like the homos. They’re all too stupid to understand and not adult enough to admit that pretty much all politicians are assholes and they’re the low-information voters responsible for the fucked up mess we have today. They’d rather sit around and insult conservatives instead of offering solutions to our problems (solutions liberal shits don’t have).

        You can’t talk sense into a mindless group of sheeple that utterly lacks the ability to comprehend and appreciate sense. They just react, act out, and congratulate themselves on maintaining the status quo that fucks us all.

      • Mitch

        They don’t bother me, I just enjoy playing them as they are so predictable and absurd that they’re always good for a laugh.

        I’ve got to say, they do a great job of painting themselves as intolerant, fascistic pricks…and they don’t even realize that they’re doing it!

      • Jesus christ, stop feeding the fucking conservatrolls already.

  5. Jade

    “I want to subscribe to this so bad, but so many people are calling and the hold time is forever”
    - said no one ever

  6. Why the fuck would I pay 10 fucking dollars a month for that crap when there is so much free porn online?

  7. cc

    Is it in English?

  8. “$9.95 per month “you don’t say? Mmmh Videobox is only $8 bucks at month for 12 months.Fuck You Palin, I’m going with porn!
    Does she really need the money? Google the Koch Brothers and Sarah Palin, Bitch was bankrolled like the Tea Party.

  9. Critical Cretin

    She is Farrah Abraham in, say, five years? They sound just alike to me.

  10. SickofSuperficialBullshit

    No doubt all of you db’s are living off of someone else. Why else would you support the moron in the White House.

  11. cc

    The word ‘carpetbagger’ doesn’t get used as often as it should. Now is the perfect occasion.

  12. In 6 months she’ll pull the plug, just like she did her governorship, and her subscribers will be out a hundred bucks.

  13. Not even with Ann Coulter’s money. Or dick.

  14. Slappy Magoo

    Northern Overexposure #PalinTVShows

  15. Slappy Magoo

    Cops…I Tried To Get Fired for Breaking Up With My Sister. #PalinTVShows

  16. Slappy Magoo

    Two and a Half Terms (minus Two Terms) #PalinTVShows

  17. Slappy Magoo

    Chico VERSUS The Man. #PalinTVShows

  18. DrJ Fever

    Grifters have to grift.

  19. Slappy Magoo

    Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego’s Birth Certificate? #PalinTVShows

  20. Slappy Magoo

    Reading Rainbow, Or The Colors Books Make When You Remove Them From Your Local Library and Burn Them. #PalinTVShows

  21. Slappy Magoo

    In What Respect, Charlie’s Angels? #PalinTVShows

  22. Slappy Magoo

    Afternoon game show – Race Card Sharks

  23. Slappy Magoo

    Alaska Independence Party Down #PalinTVShows

  24. Slappy Magoo

    The Wasilla Hillbillies #PalinTVShows

  25. I can see all the gaping asshole I need online for free already.

  26. Slappy Magoo wins this post.

  27. Bringbackbabalu

    Fish, just stop. Palin sucks, but she is better than anything you guys have…

    • Mitch

      Not true! Joey B is considering running again in 2016 and he is one of the smartest, bestest foreign policy experts on the planet! We need to elect him to fix the world!

      • I have to agree. Joe Biden as president would be horrendous.

      • Mitch

        Can you believe that someone actually down voted my comment about Joey B.

        That is just proof that those who worship politicians are basically zombies, incapable of even the most basic logic.

      • I think it’s probably just based more on your overall unpleasantness. Sure Joe Biden as a POTUS candidate would be embarrassing (even more than he already is), no one denies this. However, you act like a jerk to everyone so they dismiss you automatically. How can you be surprised by this?

      • Mitch

        Anything posted here, either by myself or others, that doesn’t paint the democratic party in a gilded light is automatically voted down, and thus dismissed automatically. It’s a lemming-like mentality that is exactly why we vote these idiots of both parties into office.

        Personally, I think that it’s “Fish” himself that is down-voting all of the posts. Fascist dictators all do that kind of shit.

      • I just downvoted you because you’re a shithead with a history of being a racist fuck, and I hate you.

      • Mitch

        Oh, I’m a racist fuck because I had the nerve to type “EBT” in a post yet 99% of the black population that voted for Obama only because he was black are not racist.

        That’s rich.

      • No, you’re a racist fuck because you have a proven history of making racist statements in the comments on this site.

        I do like that you were readily able to pull a vaguely racist comment you’ve already made on this page and assume it was what I was talking about, though. It shows both initiative and a stunning lack of self-awareness.

      • Mitch…no one is down-voting your comments. They’re down-voting YOU simply because you’re still here. Do everyone a favor and leave. You’re just another one of those morons who brings his/her political arguments to a gossip blog simply because the people around you (real life peopled — NOT imaginary) are just sick and tired of you babbling so much bullshit. I’ll bet you get invited to loads of parties.

      • Mitch

        The one who brings politics here is none other than “fish” himself.

        Try again, boner.

      • Jaysus christ, stop feeding the fucking conservatrolls already.

      • Mitch

        I’m no conservative, learn to read.

        I have been consistent in my statements that ALL politicians are nothing more than a bunch of criminals. Anyone who thinks otherwise is just a naive fool.

  28. Why is this asshole still around? What has she ever contributed to anything?

    • Mitch

      Politicians are just like those buoyant turds that refuse to flush, even after repeated efforts. Just when you think they’re gone, they pop back up and rear their ugly faces.

      Just watch, Barack Obama will still be sticking his ugly mug into the news ten years from now while defending his health care program that bankrupted American and made us dream of the good life they live in Zimbabwe.

  29. Pat C.

    Just curious, Mitch, how would you rate Sarah Palin compared to other Republicans? Top 10, middle-of-group, below-average, or what?

  30. Mitch

    I think they’re all bottom of the barrel, including Palin, with the exception of a few.

    Trey Gowdy – smart as shit and doesn’t need a teleprompter to get a word out of his mouth. If he ran for president I would vote for him in a heartbeat. It would be a nice change to have a President with a backbone after the last 20 years.

    Bobby Jindal, smart even though he went to Brown. Rand Paul and Ted Cruz are ok. At least they have experience actually doing something during their time in office.

  31. I’m thinking her targeted demographic would be the same fools that ate cat food so they could send their money to other grifters like Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart. I had no idea the teabaggers were so tech-savvy!

  32. Visible

    2 minutes hate

  33. shutupandsing

    Funny thing is that Palin is smarter, richer and more successful than
    everyone posting here.

    great candidate…not so much.

  34. Won’t her supporters now admit that Sarah has jumped the shark?

  35. Ted

    War on women? As usual, from the left. All the hate spewed in her direction based on her being a woman, most of it violent and sexually agressive. You disagree with her politics? Good for you, leave it at that. I can only imagine how much worse it would be if she were black, or jewish.

  36. cc

    Hopefully she can provide drunken slurring with her customary word salad and BS. Oh wait, she did that already.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSz0MTy5Z0E#t=728

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