Sarah Jessica Parker’s Feet Are The Next Step In Human Evolution

“I was told you have oats?”

We all like to make jokes about Sarah Jessica Parker being a horse and have a good laugh because it helps us cope with the harsh reality that she’ll eventually be shot in the head after breaking her leg. Which might be happening even sooner because apparently her feet can magically grow new bones that force her to reject cheap shoes or they’ll snap her goddamn femur. Via Daily Mail:

‘I wore beautiful shoes [on Sex and The City], and never complained. But then I did I Don’t Know How She Does It, and I was very thoughtful about my whole wardrobe and said you know, [my character, Kate Reddy] could not afford really good shoes, she would go to Nine West or Aldo. So I got shoes from there and the bottom of the shoes aren’t leather, they are plastic, so I slipped a couple times, twisted my ankle.
‘I went to a foot doctor and he said, ‘Your foot does things it shouldn’t be able to do. That bone there … You’ve created that bone. It doesn’t belong there.’
‘It’s sad, because my feet took me all over the world, but eventually they were like, ‘You know what, we are really tired, can you just stop – and don’t put cheap shoes on us?”

You know somewhere Gwyneth Patlrow’s reading this and losing her shit. “Conjuring bones to reject peasant shoes. THAT SHOULD’VE BEEN ME. Well, we’ll see about that, centaur… Thelonius! Pomegranate! Fetch mother a pewter bucket of cow’s milk. She requires calcium!”

Photo: Splash News