Samantha Ronson is Stealing Our White Women

Just when you thought you had a crack at the now-single Christina Aguilera, word continues to pour in that Samantha Ronson already has her scorpion hooks in her because lesbians really have those. (A kid on the bus told me.) Not only was Sam spotted leaving Christina’s house the day she announced her separation from Jordan Bratman, the two have been spending a lot of time together much to the chagrin of Lindsay Lohan, according to TooFab, a site I can only assume was birthed nine months after Harvey Levin and Perez Hilton woke up in a bathtub full of Appletinis:

“Christina’s been friends with Sam for a while, like they all went to Cabo in September with Nicole Richie, but they were hanging out a lot more in recent months, and they created a new posse of girls that Christina hung out with, so it started to be really frustrating for Jordan, that she had this relationship with these girls, but particularly this close one with Sam,” the source tells TooFab. “Jordan was feeling less than a man. It seemed like she was more interested in hanging out with Sam than him. This had been going on for several months.”
As an aside, the source tells TooFab that Ronson’s ex, Lindsay Lohan, was also unnerved by her relationship with Aguilera, 29. “It caused a lot of problems with Lohan and Sam. Before [Lohan] went into rehab, she was really frustrated with her relationship with Sam because of the Aguilera thing. She was extremely jealous.”

Before everyone jumps to wild conclusions here, let’s examine all the facts first:

1. Samantha Ronson loves large breasts forged in the fires of Disney.
2. Christina Aguilera is legally blind. (See: Impregnation by Jordan Bratman.)
3. God is a sick bastard.

…. So when’s the wedding?

Photos: Splash News