Sam Lutfi is a patriot

February 7th, 2008 // 31 Comments

As of today, Sam Luftesticles has yet to be served the restraining order that would effectively keep him 250 yards from Britney Spears. In the meantime, he’s acquired himself a press agent, Michael Sands. Ironically, Michael Sands was a media consultant for Mark Vincent Kaplan who is Kevin Federline’s defense lawyer. TMZ reports:

Sands, who knows a thing or two about crisis management, has been brought on board by Lutfi to, as Lutfi put it to us, “set the record straight” about who he is.
Sands cryptically told TMZ, “I’m honored to work with a patriot like Sam Lutfi.” BTW, while Sands worked for Kaplan, his mission was partly to dig up dirt on Brit’s former manager.
For his part, Lutfi told TMZ, “Michael did his research and found the truth.”

Sam also called E! News yesterday to refute Lynne’s allegations that he drugged Britney. He refused to disclose his location but talked about Britney’s manic episodes and the events leading up to her last hospitalization:

“She wrote me a note and put a big heart on it and it said, ‘I love you, Sam. Are there people coming? Circle yes or no.’ Oh my God, it was funny, just the cutest little thing. I circled yes and I gave it back to her, and she looked at me and she’s like, ‘Oh, lord, here we go again.’ “

Britney Spears can write? Ha! Nice try, Captain America. I’m not falling for that one again. I never got my $200 back after I bought Britney’s diary off eBay. She didn’t even write in it unless you consider Elmer’s Glue and chocolate sprinkles a form of written communication. Though I was impressed by her finger painting. Britney’s either very adept at drawing ducks or a lot of her boyfriends had winged genitalia.


  1. Conscience_Found


    *napkins up a mess

  2. g

    shoot this guy already

  3. g

    shoot this guy already

  4. deaconjones

    FRIST you stinking loose penis skin.

  5. Ted from LA

    I am trying to figure out who I would like to kick in the twat more, this guy or Karl Rove.

  6. deaconjones

    You know, I’ve been thinking. Britney has been harshed on a lot lately, and I think we need to give her a break. She needs support. I could write a book for her. I write self help books. They are how I came to grips with my itty bitty penis. Well, not that I can grip it, I CAME to grips with it. Shit, came grip came grip came grip. MOOOOOOOOOOM! Get the doctor!

  7. Salesman Terry

    Finally, this bully is being kept away from Britney. No guy should treat a woman the way he treated Brit. Any real man knows that the best way to manage a gal is with gentleness and kindness.

  8. steve

    They have a huge extended hillbilly family, and not one of them bother to take a car down from its blocks on the front lawn and take this clown for a nice long drag.

  9. The Truth

    Karl Rove saved this country from complete surrender to Islamic terrorists.

  10. deaconjones

    vote Huckabee!

  11. all da whiteys

    anybody cept da nig

  12. Geoff from Marketing

    Team, I sent out a mass email, but I’m posting an urgent message here too because this is urgent. I want to see everyone in the corner conference room on 5 at 3PM ASAP! I just got back from a round of focus groups, and this dog won’t hunt! The demo hates the storyboards. Let’s correct-size this by fixing this work before our media buy kicks in. Otherwise the suits upstairs are going to have our asses in a sling. Sheila, get the agency on standby on the conference phone. It’s time to tear them a new one. Let’s get it done people!

  13. The Office Whore

    10~ yeah, because he knows that jesuz rode dinosaurs. He’s really smart.

    Thank gawd all the crazy baptists were handling snakes and forgot to vote..

  14. I’m pretending that cig is my dick.

  15. deaconjones

    @14 I could satifsy you. My butthole goes blub blub blub like a vibrator

  16. LL

    Gosh, that is a precious story. Esp this part: ‘Oh, lord, here we go again.’

    That whole sentence just encapsulates Britney’s world-weary view, the one we’ve come to know and love. Britney is the very picture of maturity and mental health, it’s the rest of us who are crazy.

    I don’t usually wish ill on anyone but Donald Trump, but I kinda wish this Lutfi douchebag would get dick cancer. Just because I don’t think ball cancer is bad enough.

  17. Turnis

    It’d be more believable if he said she took a package of laxatives and then asked him to hold her gunt while she sprayed diarrhea on the couch.

  18. EuroNeckPain

    A patriot ? Why a patriot ? And who is this guy, do they know ? Was he a pizza delivery man that Britney locked in because men originating from Middle East are more soft spoken and seem kinder and she was in deperate need of a friend ?

  19. Auntie Kryst

    Lutfi is a patriot? For what nation? That Micheal Sands guy is now also a douche. Not an UberDouche, may ReichDouche.

    As for his asshole client, I sort of get a kick out of the fact that Lutfi’s on the run. Sort of like an outlaw bedoin cowboy. His camel is a one-humper.

  20. Diane

    He is probably one of Kevins friends

  21. Diane

    He is probably one of Kevins friends

  22. D. Richards (Blaspheme.)

    Sam Luftsockstuffer’s charlatan attorney is obviously confusing the word ‘patriot’, with the words, ‘ass tulip’.

    Because Sams is one reliable ass tulip.

  23. aeuwave

    he looks psycho in that picture. maybe he’ll take hostages next…..

  24. Ript1&0

    See, the whole thing about someone finding out and then telling everyone the “truth” about you, is that you didn’t pay someone to tell everyone whatever you wanted them to hear. Ummm…. especially when we KNOW that the guy was paid to tell us what you want us to hear.

    That seems really obvious, but I don’t think Sam’s got it yet. Give it a minute Sam…. ok that’s right. Wisen up. Get someone we don’t know that you hired to talk you up. Maybe like a friend, someone who actually knows the real you. Get all emotional for the cameras on your behalf.

    Got no one like that huh?

  25. Anonymous

    I pray for the day she goes away and we never have to hear about her again. It can’t come soon enough.

  26. woodhorse

    Where’s a suicide bomber when you need one?

    All I can find is a pack of cigarette loads. I guess that will do for a start.

  27. woodhorse

    And Frist, before you start in with “If you did that” I am only talking about giving someone a well shook-up six pack to open at the car. Or toss in while running past. And some eggs for the car paint. And a few garbage cans for the Just Married touch. Then a flame thrower.

  28. Sam Lutfi, Patriot

    *takes drag off of cigarette* Yippy Kay Yay Motherfucker.

  29. whoa

    they “found the truth”? was it lost?

  30. jack

    “Sam.” Isn’t that cute? Just like Sam BinLaden.

  31. adz

    wht all this happen > I believe this happened buecouse she wann convert to Islam . they try to make dirty thing about her and her friends to stop her .

    If you wann know the truth . go back to princess Diana and his boyfriend (muslim) . now you can get the whole picture

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