Sam And Nia: The Downfall of A Douche

If you have no idea who “Sam And Nia” are, I’d be irresponsible if I didn’t suggest closing this tab immediately and going about your day living a full rich, life. But since you’re still here, “Sam And Nia” are bullshit. Absolute bullshit. And how do I know they’re bullshit? Because they’re attention-hungry Christian vloggers – Yup, that term is exactly as stupid as it sounds. – who quickly rose to viral fame when Sam scooped his wife’s pee out of the toilet and surprised her with a positive pregnancy test (Fun Fact: It doesn’t work like that, and this guy should know because he’s a nurse. Albeit one from Texas, so you know what? Never mind. That part checks out.) that Nia conveniently “miscarried” three days later for another viral installment. All of this was naturally bullshit, and you can tell because Sam says it was “staged by God” who’s apparently really into boosting web impressions now. On that note, if Sam and Nia would like to sue me for saying their miscarriage was fake, I’ll see you in court. Bring toilet water.

More importantly, Sam And Nia are also anti-gay, homophobes – Who, in fairness, will delete said views if it threatens their Jesus dollars. – so in full Josh Duggar-style, Sam naturally got busted with a paid Ashley Madison account because his straight, Christian marriage is so much more holy than those gay ones. And to prove it, the jokes on you, haters, because his wife already forgave him, and he totally told a guy at his church, so it’s like it never even happened. MAGIC JESUS ERASER HOOOOOOO! Which brings us to this weekend where, in an unprecedented move, Sam got kicked out of a Vlogger conference in Seattle after allegedly threatening other vloggers who accurately called out his bullshit. Which should officially bring these scat artists’ way-too-generous 15 minutes of fame crashing back down to a whimpering fart of irrelevance where it belongs.

And that’s the story of why you should unfriend anyone who shares Sam And Nia’s bullshit on Facebook, or at least trick them into a Ponzi scheme because clearly they’re gullible idiots who’d love to invest in unicorn stock as long as they know Jesus rode at least one of them.

The End.

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