Salma Hayek Shot Down Donald Trump, He Took It Well

During a radio interview on Friday, Salma Hayek came out in support of Donald Trump’s accusers and revealed that she once turned down him after he wouldn’t stop calling to ask her out, according to Buzzfeed. In response, he had his people plant a story in the National Enquirer that claims he shot her down because she was “too short,” which anyone who’s seen Salma Hayek’s breasts knows is goddamn ridiculous on its face. More importantly, it demonstrates the type of petty asshole a depressing percentage of the country wants to put in charge of the nukes.

However, it does explain his hatred of Mexicans, and I think I figured out what his deal is with the black community.

As for Muslims, I’m guessing one of his sons made out with Osama Bin Laden at a party once. Probably the one who looks like a Star Trek alien. Or chinless Patrick Bateman. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is why you really clicked on this post, and why I kept things short.

You’re welcome.

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