Ryan Phillippe likes to cry

November 13th, 2007 // 43 Comments

As if sensing that I needed validation for my post where I claim Ryan Phillippe’s son would rather be the offspring of a pizza delivery driver, Us Weekly brings us news that Ryan bawled and cried like a little girl after his divorce from Reese Witherspoon:

“I was a physical wreck. I wanted to die…. I was ready to kill myself. I was not taking care of myself at all. I would wake up and cry and vomit.”

However, the experience has made Ryan Phillippe a better actor. He can now cry on cue:

“Now, it’s fucking easy,” he says. “When I was younger, I didn’t have enough to cry about. But since I’ve had kids, I feel my work has become better, because my life is fuller and more complicated, and I’ve experienced so many highs and lows.”

Alright, let’s talk about crying. If a man’s seeing a beautiful woman naked for the first time and tears fill his eyes; not very cool. Perhaps he’d cry less if it were a dude. If he’s been shot in the stomach and probably going to die, it’s marginally acceptable to cry but frowned upon. There’s really only one acceptable time for a grown man to cry, and that’s when one of those Ewoks dies in Return of the Jedi. I mean, not that I do or anything. So what if they’re just cute, innocent little teddy bears that live in trees and want to blow stuff up. That doesn’t get to me. *sniff* No, man, I’m a castle of manliness. *sniff* Excuse me, I’m going to curl up in the fetal position for a little while and, uh, think about how much I love girls and steaks. And fixing tanks with my shirt off. Yeah, all that stuff I just said.


  1. yk

    either 2nd third or fourth
    dont even know what the storys bout
    better go read it

  2. Truly doesn’t make sense to me, at all. Guy is good looking, makes a shit ton of money and really shouldn’t be dating someone who one ups him in every professional department.

    Any Hollywood Actor worth a salt should be marrying a very hot woman who wants to suck his dick 24/7. That’s really all there is to it.

  3. RENEE Z...

    He’s hot, but from what I’ve seen, his acting sucks. And Reese? Don’t see her appeal. She’s weird looking and seems like she would be a serious nag. I thought for sure he was singing happy songs the day he drop kicked her ass…guess not. All that being said, Ryan seems like an idiot…dumb as a rock… and Reese seems intelligent. Yeah, these 2 were definetly not very compatible.

  4. hyeandmighty

    He’s a homo!

  5. Was he cutting onions?

  6. D. Richards (Sadist.)

    No! I whole heartedly disagree. A man should never cry. Or smile, ever. Period. I never cry because I’m hard as diamonds. Wait, that’s gay, “diamonds”. I’m more like iron ore. Unrefined, and ugly. So goddamn ugly. Phillipe is more like a feather. A feather that was inside of a fluffy pillow (life).

  7. ph7

    That’s the first picture of Reese where I thought she was hot. Nice bedroom eyes…

  8. Ryan Phillippe

    “I would wake up and cry and vomit. Why was there a thick salty taste in my mouth? Why did my anus hurt? Why was there lots of Astroglyde and a little brownish-red skid mark on the bed? Who was this man—-errr, woman…ummm…nevermind.”

  9. JVM

    Crying’s ok if it gets you a seat on the pussy train.

  10. nipolian

    If Ryan was crying over Reese………question answered……..Reese is without a doubt a dude.

  11. google

    BORING!!!!! Reading about these two makes me want to slit my throat, because that would be about 100 times more exciting!!!!

  12. Yeah, so he can cry on cue now but can that poser act on cue?!

  13. Ted from LA

    I think it is fine for a man to cry………………….provided he is caught in a bear trap.

  14. Is it bad that I can’t remember a great performance of his since “Cruel Intentions?” And to think I only watched it to see Reese and Selma awkwardly make out….

  15. pointandlaugh

    good for Reese for dumping this loser douchebag.

  16. Eye-Dish Lass

    They have kids together….probably why he was stressed and cried. Divorce isn’t easy, you mindless idiots…even for the rich and famous.

  17. Thank you #16. Douchebag is just the word that comes to mind when I think of Ryan Phillippe. Maybe he cries so much because people only remember him in Cruel Intentions, which he did when he was…what…like 16th? Oh if you decide to screw around on your wife, how about not pick some chick that looks EXACTLY like her (except way less famous). Douche. Bag.

  18. I mean, 16, not 16th.

  19. Bemused

    I haven’t cried and vomited simultaneously since I was marooned on a desert island with Rosie O’Donnell. And PS Reese isn’t ‘hot’ in the Carmen Electra sense of the term; she’s beautiful and classy–and, of course, Southern.

  20. 15# That was Sarah Michelle Gellar not Reese that made out with Selma Blair………remember the slobber string…….EWE!
    He was ubber hot in that movie!!! YUM!
    Okay, I think that anyone who has ever been married or even in love has been through this.
    It sucks when it is over or even when you get that close. And all of the jack tards that are acting like they have never shed a tear are full of it.
    Good for him for admitting what his family meant to him it is sad that they didn’t make it, I admire him for being a family man!

  21. Abbie Cornish…………………Man okay I looked that up, and that sucks!
    That is too bad. I stand corrected, good for her for leaving him. And he was probably regretful for what he did and when she was able to walk away from him he cracked.
    Oh well, that sucks!

  22. Digo

    Don’t forget Bambi’s mom getting killed and The Crying Game…two perfectly good reasons to cry.

  23. Jewel


  24. Grace

    I guess he should have thought about how bad he would feel before he fucked another woman. You know, just a thought.

  25. Danklin24

    Fish your comments for this suck and make little sense.

  26. Nicole

    He was too hot for her and she was too talented for him!

  27. BunnyButt

    Ryan: “I was a physical wreck. I wanted to die…. I was ready to kill myself. I was not taking care of myself at all. I would wake up and cry and vomit… because I knew my meal ticket was gone and my mediocre career, which survived only because I was married to Reese, would sink into oblivion. As a result, I’m now training to become a Pizza Hut delivery guy. They sent my uniform to Reese’s address by mistake.”

  28. H.A.L.9000

    Are you fucking KIDDING me? Those goddamn Ewoks RUINED Star Wars. I wish they were ALL dead.
    That stupid fucking Jub-Jub song will be playing continuously in Hell, I guarantee.
    I’m going to cry right now because you reminded me that Ewoks exist (on film). Thanks alot, asshole.

  29. Nancy

    Ryan is a cuttie! I like him! A good news for his fans: he is single now. His profile and photos were found on millionaire dating site (Millionairematch.com/photo/bloger) last week!

  30. yep yep i like him too ryan is really cute!

  31. Miguelito

    I would beat the Ewoks with a leg of lamb until they were all dead. All of them. Little fucking communists.

    But George Lucas is a New Ager, that’s why he made Anakin-Darth Vader a virgin birth. You see, for him Christ is the ultimate villain who ruins the good fun of the hippies and fairie people.

    Next time you watch the Star Wars movies, remember, Darth Vader is the GOOD GUY, wiping out hippies like Luke Skywalker. What a fairy-ass name.

  32. Eliza

    i ALWAYS cry when the ewoks die! :]

    but yeah, i always suspected that ryan philippe was kinda…sensitive? or maybe the right word is wimpy. yeah thats it.

  33. Eliza

    i ALWAYS cry when the ewoks die! :]

    but yeah, i always suspected that ryan philippe was kinda…sensitive? or maybe the right word is wimpy. yeah thats it.

  34. Ript1&0

    Emotional men… now THAT’S hot.

    This guy is single right? And why did they get divorced? Hmm.

  35. gertie

    boring boring get them off ……..

  36. Igottabemeee

    I hate cheaters. Bummer for you dude. Way to think of yourself first.

  37. fishdeath

    Reasons a real man can cry
    1. His dog dies
    2. Punched in the nuts by Ivan Drago
    End of list.

  38. Spanky

    I cried when the Bears lost the super bowl last year, and cause Peyton Mannings such a homo.

  39. sdf

    He’s hot. I don’t care if he cries lol i would still do him *coughs*

  40. elva

    it sems that they are not happy, what happened. i like her film The lLegal Beauty very much. she is so cute and beaufiful. her profile on a dating site called sugarcupid.com is also fantastic, because her sweet smile adds point to her.

Leave A Comment