Ryan Seacrest Understands Women

July 18th, 2011 // 55 Comments

“Mmm, that’s pert, real pert. Is it creepy if I say that? Pert. These are pert.”

Julianne Hough celebrated her 23rd birthday in Miami over the weekend, and like any good boyfriend 13 years her senior, Ryan Seacrest surprised her by showing up and flagrantly molesting her in front of her friends and family while smiling at the paparazzi. So, to demonstrate just how grateful she was for this experience, Julianne decided to be the first person I’ve ever seen do a belly flop that perfectly screams, “I hate my life!” I’ve seen ones before that said, “I’m a shitty diver,” or “Sir, I ordered the quiche,” but never one that communicated a clear and overwhelming need for horrible pain. Call me impressed.

Photo: Fame, Flynet, Splash News

superficial

  1. Mr Obvious

    Straight, bi or gay, boobs are always good.

  2. Deacon Jones

    Man, she is busted…..night and day compared to when I used to watch DWTS.

    It’s amazing how some women go downhill so quickly with age, and she’s only 23…

  3. Katie

    “See? Does everybody see how much I like these things? These things called boobas – er – boobays – or something?”

  4. Dirk the Impailer

    Hell, if she let me touched her boobs, I would have my hands permanently attached!!!

  5. “It’s not gay when it’s in a three-way.”

  6. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    Jill_Ess
    Commented on this photo:

    This chick is 23? She looks like a little girl.

  7. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    Jill_Ess
    Commented on this photo:

    “Okay, fine. This is the LAST time Daddy is going to throw you into the pool. The LAST TIME. Got it!?”

  8. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    duke of dook
    Commented on this photo:

    yeah…he’s a flamer no doubt

  9. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    hehe
    Commented on this photo:

    everything seemed so staged and awkward until the real beach pics. and notice how there was no lip contact…like photographers would miss a shot like that! Seacrest was also more interested in the cameraMAN than enjoying the day with the fake girlfriend. It’d be a tough gig, it’s no wonder Moakler gave up the charade. …as did nicole kidman with Cruise.

  10. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    taboo or terrible
    Commented on this photo:

    Somehow he succeeded in making himself look more gay.

  11. Beefarino

    Well, if Seacrest is not gay then why is he trying to look like Truman Capote.

  12. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    Fas(c)h(ion)ist(a)
    Commented on this photo:

    The way he’s touching her and she’s holding her abdomen, methinks there might be a baster baby in her oven.
    She’s majorly fug without make-up, and I’m surprised how shapeless and unattractive her body is in a bikini

  13. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    MisterSuccint
    Commented on this photo:

    You could feed a baby with this? Really? But where would the baby come out?

  14. TomFrank

    “Hey, these are firm! After feeling up Kathy Griffin at that awards show…well, let’s just say I never felt more right about being gay than I did then.”

  15. “Hm. Still no erection. Maybe everyone _is_ right about me?”

  16. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    DogBoy
    Commented on this photo:

    The charade over, Ryan quickly goes over to present Derek with the mirrorball trophy.

  17. Ryan: Ewwwwwww, gross!

  18. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    ad naseum
    Commented on this photo:

    Add a skullcap and she would look just like Cartman

  19. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    Donkeylicks
    Commented on this photo:

    “Wow, thats just so funny… I mean mine were exactly the same size when I was about twelve.”

  20. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    Donkeylicks
    Commented on this photo:

    According to local authorities Seacrest was seen pulling children out of the Community center’s pool before being chased off by the life guard on duty, his intentions remain unknown and he is currently at large.

  21. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    Mike701
    Commented on this photo:

    Eww really? Guys are supposed to like touching these? It’s jiggly!”

  22. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    moi
    Commented on this photo:

    wtf happened to her face? she looks like devon sawa when he was casper

  23. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    Poop
    Commented on this photo:

    Amazing how different these famous cunts look w/o makeup.

    • Jam

      Someone once said men are actually the “beautiful” one of the two sexes. Because we don’t need a ton of shit on our face to look bearable.

      Personally I think she still looks cute. She kind of looks like this girl I had a crush on in junior high.

  24. Tricky Fish

    Is it just me, or does it look like someone should be calling Chris Hanson?

  25. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    Poop
    Commented on this photo:

    23? I thought this bitch was in her 30′s!

  26. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    Casey
    Commented on this photo:

    He must be hatching a devious plan, considering he’s stroking his beard.

  27. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    bob
    Commented on this photo:

    swimming at a [10]

  28. Arzach

    You don’t understand, what is the point to have such an expensive beard if you don’t do the staged “perverted groping” act to scare away all those pesky gay rumors

  29. icu

    “So this is what boobs feel like huh? I still don’t understand what all the straight boys are raving about! Oh well, time for a tubesteak!”

  30. the captain

    yep, with most californian girls their brains are hidden in their tits.

  31. Marceelf

    The best pic of the bunch is Ryan lifting his shirt so as to not get it sticky as he executes the money shot on Derek’s face! But don’t worry, Derek has opened wide and promises eye contact!

  32. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    jill
    Commented on this photo:

    ryan is a tool for feeling her up in fron of her brother thats when the brother whips his A$$

  33. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    Commented on this photo:

    Ok if you look at all her pictures she has her hand on her belly a lot and I don’t think it is because she is trying to hide the weight she has gained. Her face is also fuller so my guess is she is pregnant!

  34. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    Michelle
    Commented on this photo:

    omg!!!! the cartman was priceless!!!! ryan seacrest is a lil shrimpy man…..no muscularity at all to him. and that girl, yes she is cartman if she put a hat on. lol

  35. RoRo

    Gosh, Ryan, didn’t anyone ever tell you not to fondle the goods in front of family and friends? BTW, doesn’t make me think you’re more of a man.

  36. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    Fandy
    Commented on this photo:

    someone scream “Makeup!!!!!!!”

  37. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    anonymous bitch
    Commented on this photo:

    riiiggghhhttt…touch that girl so that you’ll convince people that you look less gayish, sheesh!! dawg!…tryin to prove you’re not gay, yeah right…you’re not gonna fool us ryan, you’re touching that because you wish you had one…boooyaah!

  38. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    BruceJeynner
    Commented on this photo:

    “Where did you buy these, I’d like a pair myself”

  39. Britney

    Can we say AWKWARD! Like RoRo said you don’t fondle in front of family and friends…. Plus he doesn’t even look natural doing that. It looks more like a science experiment than a moment of pleasure. This pairing is so FAKE!!!

  40. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    oh i know
    Commented on this photo:

    seacrest? or chris hansen??? this looks like a family of teenagers!!

  41. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    Commented on this photo:

    The uncomfortable awkwardness of a gay man touching a woman’s butt is unmistakable through the telephoto lens.

  42. vitobonespur

    “Hey, flitboy, step away from the breast. I meant it. Step away or I’ll shoot.”

  43. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    Clay
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s cute, but damn does she get around.

  44. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    IPAF Training Manchester
    Commented on this photo:

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  45. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    LockNLoad
    Commented on this photo:

    Classy gay…err guy…grabbing her tit right in front of her brother.

  46. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    dddd
    Commented on this photo:

    dang has to be julianne he wouldnt be feeling up little sis like this

  47. Julianne Hough Bikini Ryan Seacrest
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey, Derek? You’re next, buddy.”

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