Ryan Reynolds is Banging This

While Scarlett Johansson decided to spend her newfound freedom nuzzling Sean Penn’s old man balls with her foot, several sources are reporting Ryan Reynolds has been quietly dating German model Agnes Fischer (above.) Now whenever a couple gets a divorce, there’s never really a “winner,” so to speak. Except in this case and that winner is Sean Penn. Hear me out: You’ve got Ryan, Scarlett, Agnes, all young, beautiful people. And then you’ve got Quasimodo, Prince of Haiti, somehow getting footjobs from one of the most eligible bachelorettes in Hollywood. It’s like God fell asleep with the stove on. “Wow, really dozed off there. Hope nothing that’s an affront to me happene- SCARJO, NO!!”

Photos: Splash News