Ryan Reynolds is Banging This

March 8th, 2011 // 40 Comments

While Scarlett Johansson decided to spend her newfound freedom nuzzling Sean Penn‘s old man balls with her foot, several sources are reporting Ryan Reynolds has been quietly dating German model Agnes Fischer (above.) Now whenever a couple gets a divorce, there’s never really a “winner,” so to speak. Except in this case and that winner is Sean Penn. Hear me out: You’ve got Ryan, Scarlett, Agnes, all young, beautiful people. And then you’ve got Quasimodo, Prince of Haiti, somehow getting footjobs from one of the most eligible bachelorettes in Hollywood. It’s like God fell asleep with the stove on. “Wow, really dozed off there. Hope nothing that’s an affront to me happene- SCARJO, NO!!”

Photos: Splash News


  1. Sugar

    Great body. Cute. I still like ScarJo better though.

  2. Winter


  3. Quasimodo

    He looks more like Bebop and Rocksteady.

  4. i’d give her some schwanzstucker

  5. I think in this case everyone’s a winner.

    Ryan Reynolds is free to jump from piece of ass to ass.
    People know who German Model is.
    Sean Penn, that’s been covered.
    Scarlet gets more indie street cred after 7 years of whoring herself out to Hollywood blockbusters.

    • The Critical Crassness

      Yeppers, Scarlett has whored herself out for Hollywood blockbusters like “The Spongebob Squarepants Movie”, “Match Point”,”Eight-legged Freaks”, “A Love Song for Bobby Long”, “The Island” and the forever unforgettable, “Lost in Translation” where she practices for her future relationship with Sean Penn by bagging sack time with Bill Murray. Bet she rubbed his balls with more than her foot while filming in Japan.

  6. dano

    hahah, this was probably your funniest entry yet.

  7. Muffy the Lesbian

    Nice upgrade from Scarlett for him. Way hotter and not an american so that’s an enormous plus right there.

  8. sparkymcgee

    She’s hot, but her name is Agnes. I’m afraid she loses a few hotness points for the grandma name. Who wants to be screaming “Agnes” when they’re having sex.

  9. Paul

    Fun to drill, but you can tell she is is uber-boring. Bang and go!

  10. Agnes Fischer Ryan Reynolds
    Commented on this photo:

    German girls make the best girlfriends!

  11. Vivian

    Well I bet the old man has better tricks in the sack, while this girl while tight and pretty, doesn’t seem to know her way around a penis, I could be wrong but I’d say Scarlet might be getting the best orgasms of her life.

  12. Agnes Fischer Ryan Reynolds
    Dr. Nappy
    Commented on this photo:

    LOL @ Footjobs.

  13. Deandra

    Ryan aint young hes getting old too.

  14. kobmaster

    She is a German d-model. He will bang her and go. She is also from a very small town in Bavaria Germany. So everything screams for some short term thing. Scarlett is way better for the nasty angry fuck though. She is just young and has that school girl feel.

  15. Eric

    How do you go from Alanis Morrisette to Scarlett to this? The guy must have scars on his penis.

  16. Hitler

    Wo sind die ass Aufnahmen?!?! Ich will ass Aufnahmen?!?!?! Machen sie mit einene pooper pictures schnell!!!

  17. The Critical Crassness

    6 to 1 says he isn’t banging her! She is obviously a fitness model, so she is probably too busy doing all that crazy running, Pilates, cross-training and other fit shit to bang anyone. Ryan is probably just trying to look health conscious by hanging out with her. If he is, it will definitely be a short lived gig, because like half of the “fit-nuts” out there, she’ll die of a heart attack before she’s 30. He’d be better off banging Kirstie Alley, who will probably outlive all of the non-whale female population thanks to Zenu!

  18. M

    hahaha why are you so stressed out, dude?))) ppl make fun of this because smiling is always better than crying, check out @starlettjo for some fun and cheer up already! Scarlett sure did;)))) (with SEAN PENN, ughhhh)))))

  19. jen

    Hmmm I think the way this is playing out shows that technically…Scarlett is winning. Yeah Sean Penn is an old douchebag, but he’s also considered one of the best actors in the world and is basically Hollywood royalty. It gives Scarlett an edge in her career and some perceived ‘rebelliousness’ in her love life. Whereas Ryan’s new girl is cute, obviously, but in the end she’s just some random german model. Ryan has to look in the mirror and think no matter how muscled he is, when he was starring in Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, Sean Penn was winning an Oscar.

    • Lou

      The association with the Hollywood royalty in question does not seem to have been of much benefit to his ex-wife, who was once one of the most promising, talented and beautiful actresses in Hollywood. One might have a couple of oscars on the mantelpiece but this does not necessarily make him or her sexually or intellectually attractive. The German girl is more than cute… If you visit her web site you will find that she’s no kitten… I think that, of all those involved, she is the one winning hands down. And remember: very big tits surrender earlier to the law of gravity …

  20. Agnes Fischer Ryan Reynolds
    Commented on this photo:

    Girl’s bod looks almost cartoony in its perfection.
    Wasn’t she on Neon Genesis Evangelion?
    With blue hair?

  21. Agnes Fischer Ryan Reynolds
    Commented on this photo:

    On second look, that photo is so totally airbrushed it IS a cartoon.

  22. Agnes Fischer Ryan Reynolds
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    Das is nicht ScarJo! Das is mein neu Anal Liebschen!

  23. Hank E Ring

    I am now a fan of Ryan Reynolds.

  24. Jill

    d.o.w.n. g.r.a.d.e.

  25. NIKKI101

    Ew, her nails.

  26. Brianna

    Ew.. she bites her nails!

  27. Jovy


  28. Hot chicks with short hair are the best. They’re confident in their looks and they don’t fuss with their hair during sex by tying it back over and over or repeatedly pushing it out the way the entire time. No distractions, no fuss, all business.

  29. Agnes Fischer Ryan Reynolds
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s ugly, almost manly looking.

  30. Melissa


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