Ryan Reynolds is Dating Charlize Theron Now. Why Not?

Despite the fact Green Lantern should’ve been called Emerald Hate-Bang of The Eyes and Ears, Ryan Reynolds has somehow managed to land Charlize Theron, and the two are “exclusive” and very “hush-hush,” according to Us Weekly which is apparently written by Danny DeVito in L.A. Confidential now:

While the two haven’t been photographed together, a witness noticed Reynolds’ motorcycle at Theron’s home all morning on June 5, then saw the actor exit her house around 3 p.m. — and she left just minutes later.
Has Reynolds (who split from wife Scarlett Johansson last December) found a perfect match?
“They’re both career-focused,” explains the source, “but not in a crazy way.”
For instance, don’t expect to see the stars side-by-side on a red carpet. “She won’t go to an event with him,” the insider says of Theron, who split with love of nine years Stuart Townsend in 2010. “That’s not her style.”

I love how Scarlett Johansson has already rebounded and been subsequently dumped by Sean Penn while Ryan Reynolds was secretly nailing Charlize Theron the whole time. I won’t get into a boring therapy session about why I love that, so long story short, I was the reason Scarlett left Ryan. Except, at the end of the day, I just wasn’t ready to commit to her repeated requests to be my live-in sex slave. Sure, she’ll say a bunch of stuff about “false imprisonment” and “a hole in my basement” with a bucket, but hopefully one day she’ll realize I was just trying to protect our hearts and stop holding a broken chicken bone to my dog’s neck. Ha! Women. Back me up, fellas.

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News