Never Forget That Russell Crowe Wrote a Serious Song About the Missionary Position

Everyone bashed Russell Crowe in Les Miserables for sounding like a robot turtle version of Javert, but I honestly thought it was fine. That’s it though, it was just “fine.” If you’re unfamiliar with his musical side project, Indoor Garden Party, it’s pretty much a Goo Goo Dolls/dad-rock wedding band hybrid that features Russell Crowe’s step-above-karaoke vocals over campfire chord progressions. I suggest starting with his 2010 song “The Weight of a Man,” a classic ballad that takes on completely new meaning considering that Russell Crowe looks like this now…

*EXCLUSIVE* Russell Crowe meets baby Burgess
CREDIT: MTRX / AKM-GSI / BACKGRID

In the song Russell croons the following lyrics in his signature range:

But you lying there, you’re not one bit scared, to shoulder a burden like me… 

Don’t close your eyes, turn your face to the sky, and breathe me as deep as you can/ Your strong heart won’t break, are you ready to take? The Weight of a Man.

The imagery of John Goodman Russell Crowe mounting a woman and filling her with his “burden” is a lot to take in. Props to all you stalwart fans who still see Russell Crowe as a sex icon, I applaud your commitment.