Russell Crowe is Superman’s Dad.
The Other One.

June 15th, 2011 // 32 Comments

“Now, hear me out. If you apply Kryptonite to the tip, you should be able to make the cut.”

Keeping with the Hollywood tradition of casting once-handsome actors turned comically obese as Superman’s space dad, Russell Crowe will reportedly play Jor-El in Zack Snyder‘s reboot, according to Variety:

Christopher Nolan had all along been seeking an A-list thesp for Jor-El, Superman’s biological father, since agreeing to godfather the franchise reboot “Man of Steel” for Warner Bros. and Legendary Pictures.
He’s got his man, and it’s Russell Crowe.
The mercurial Aussie is in negotiations to take the role in “Man of Steel,” which Zack Snyder is on board to direct with Brit thesp Henry Cavill set to play Superman. Warner Bros. had no comment on Crowe’s casting.

For those of you who don’t know, Kevin Costner is playing Jonathan Kent, Superman’s adoptive father, which I’m only mentioning because I already made a circumcision joke up top. Did I mention Russell Crowe is fat? Sonofabitch.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. More like Jor-Elephant, amirite?

  2. How can a man of pudding sire a man of steel anyway?

  3. Russell Crowe Superman Zack Snyder
    justuhbill
    Commented on this photo:

    It takes a big man to fill Marlon Brando’s Jor El pants… Evidentally they’ve found that man in Russell Crowe.

  4. Dr Ha-Ha

    Blame the expanded girth on his association with Rugby League. That sport’s beer & bad food culture (I’d imagine in line with the NFL’s one – I’m not American) will do that to any man who can rely on money alone when it comes to pulling the sheilas.

    • Dr Ha-Ha

      and FTR, Russel is a Kiwi, whether he wants to admit to his own roots or not. Piss him off by referring to him as a New Zealander in future.

    • j/w, do adult players sing those rugger songs we loved as kids (good ship venus, dinah, etc etc). besides the hitting, i think the songs on the ride home were my favorite part of the game~

      • Rancid

        I’ve had my ass kicked more at rugger parties than on the pitch.

        And ladies, NEVER go to a rugger party. They may elect you queen. You don’t want that.

  5. Hotel telephones are his kryptonite

  6. AleisterCrowley

    He’s what would be considered a big ole teddy bear rather than just being a huge fat ass.

  7. The Pope of Cleveland

    What’s next, Cary Elwes as Lex Luthor?

  8. rough sexy

    I heard an African American will play the most important role of all. By delivering the line ” ouuu weeee that’s a bad outfit” as he stumbled upon “man of steel”getting changed in a Starbucks rotating door.

    Don’t ask me how I got that script…

  9. hambone

    Total miscast! The only role Russel Crowe deserves to play in a DC film is the Martian Anteater of the lesser-know but hilarious Just’a Lotta Animals superhero team. Worst reboot ever.

  10. What’s with the Brits playing all the DC superheroes? It’s like casting Larry the Cable Guy as 007.

  11. chev70

    You can’t wear Nike trainers with Adidas trackie bottoms!

    • tugger

      lol…well still not bad when you consider he sleeps on a huge pile of his clothes…
      Someone needs to pull this shit up and leave it on screen in his dressing room, then just wait for the fireworks!!
      mmmwwwahhh russie boy

  12. I meant Henry Cavill as Superman and Chrisitian Bale as Batman. Jor El isn’t actually a superhero.

  13. pat

    Not to worry, when Russell needs to, he can drop lots of weight and suddenly be fit and nice! He just enjoys life and refuses to have to starve himself between movies.

  14. Melissa

    He looked so rugged and attractive. Now he just looks obese.

  15. the captain

    his second name is “Willy” (E. Coyote), folks!!

  16. Rancid

    Kevin Costner is Jonathan Kent? Are you fucking kidding me? That is very close to a deal-breaker for me.

    At least he won’t be mangling a midwestern accent, the fucking hack.

    • Rancid

      Scratch that. I always thought the Prince of Honkies was from the midwest. The douche is actually from Cali.

  17. Veronica

    I love Russ. He was in ‘The Insider’, but smokes, is Robin Hood and Gladiator and overeats, and bought his favourite Rubgy team with the cash he earnt. He dislikes George Clooney and circumcision and wears track pants (tracky dacks) with stripes down the side while sucking down cold foamy beer. 95% of his movies are enjoyable and well-acted. He throws phones at fuckwits and won’t suck up to Hollywood, so won’t get acting nominations anymore. I don’t understand why he would do this project, except the chance to work with Nolan.

    • pat

      Amen Veronica!!! I love that he doesn’t give a sh*t about what people think. But ya know, you really can’t win if you r a celebrity, if you are too polished and thin, you get criticized, and if you r not, you get it too.

  18. Poison Ivy League

    Nice flooders fat fuck!

  19. Burt

    Let me guess. In the movie, they find out Clark Kent is the man of steel when he’s a just baby. They know somethings different about him when the doctor dulls the blade of the scalpel on his foreskin.

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