Russell Brand Thought About Other Women While Having Sex With Katy Perry

August 5th, 2013 // 39 Comments
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“Look at ‘is, love, I’m pretending your bum is Kim Kardashian’s. Kim Kardashian. That’s like the Cadillac of bums.”

Before a warmup gig for his Messiah Complex tour last week, Russell Brand was talking to the crowd about marriage and basically compared it to being a monk before throwing Katy Perry‘s vagina under the bus. An act which ironically would probably turn him on. “Do you think it needs a wheelchair?” he’d probably say, eyes like a child on Christmas morn. Via Yahoo! Entertainment:

“When I got divorced, I considered becoming a monk. When you’re a monk, you’re not allowed to have sex with anyone. When you’re married, it’s one person. That’s one more than a monk. It’s not that different. I’d be having sex thinking, ‘Think of anyone, anyone else.’ “

I guess that’s one way to have sex with Katy Perry. Personally I’d go with, “If I start flailing around because your breasts are suffocating me, you let me die goddammit,” but that’s just me and my Viking quest for the one true death. It’s a thing I do.

Photos: Splash News, WENN

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    • Care to guess what a dreamboat he looks like, when woken up in the middle of the night? Yeah, me neither.

      Passive aggressiveness like that is really the must gutless form of hostility because it means you basically don’t have the sack to be honest about what you’re doing. His commenting now on how unsatisfying monogamy was for him is really a douchebag move on his part – PA players never understand that this classless, backstabbing shit never makes them look as good as they think it will, and only highlights how petty they are. Color me not surprised at all that he told her their marriage was over in a text message.

  1. todd

    Jesus, how dead a lay is she?

  2. Pat C.

    You might have a favorite restaurant, but that doesn’t mean you want to have breakfast, lunch and dinner there everyday (although I might if I lived in Lewisville Texas).

  3. oh i know

    i’m not a fan of katy, but jeez he’s a douchbag!!

  4. Cock Dr

    That’s nice. Very classy.
    It’s just more proof that the marriage was a sham on his part; that he married her to enhance his US movie promotion blitz and to garner new material for his standup routine.

    • Yeah but all it has really led to so far is a stupid talking bunny movie, a musical no one saw and a part in that stripper chick’s directing debut that’s going straight to direct tv. Meanwhile poor Perry most likely had to endure Silkwood showers (google it kids) to scrub away the body stench and hair grease that is rumored to coat his person.

  5. He´s such a dick.He just vomits bollocks and I suppose everyone has to smile and nod because he´s famous for…what was it again?
    He looks like a homeless person and acts like a huge arsehole with mental issues, I´m amazed that he actually got a woman to agree to have sex with him in the first place.
    I´m sure that if anone was having to fantasize in order to get some kind of pleasure out of sex, it was her.

  6. This is just more evidence that it doesn’t matter how hot the chick is you’re having sex with. You could be banging a supermodel and in your head you’ll be thinking about that chubby slut you used to screw back in high school.

  7. cc

    She wasn’t thinking about anything at the time.

  8. poopy

    wow so he’s the equivalent of a college douchebag. congratulations, katy, for falling for this loser. then again, you suck. so whatever.

  9. Pugiron

    So after the divorce, her breasts drooped. Same as before.

  10. Jenn

    Eh, she talked shit about him. Tit for um…tits.

  11. eh

    Aw, underneath her pop sexvamp façade, she’s just a whitebread Christian girl who only knows two positions and finds one of them unpleasant.

  12. I think she’s hotter than the Devil’s Diarrhea. I’d bang her in a heartbeat. I can’t believe this asshole actually got to even touch her.

  13. While I’m sure she’s far from perfect (though still miles out if his league with or without makeup) I don’t think any ex apart from an abusive ex deserves to be shit talked. It’s passive aggressive petty bs to mock someone behind their back.
    When the divorce came about he vowed to never speak bad of her because she’s a good person. And now that she’s with someone else, ie. not hung up on his Captain Caveman ass he started with this shit.
    He needs to put his herpes in a sitz bath and stfu.

  14. Tony Barolin

    I would drop so much bone juice in her vagina that we would float out of bed. Brand looks like someone vomited on his face.

  15. ruckus

    I bet he was pretending she was Zooey Deschanel.

  16. le rat accompli

    Don’t blame him.

    I doubt it would be a memorable performance for him if she fucks as well as she sings…

  17. Brand is a greasy piece of s*** that has the ability to speak.

  18. Show me a hot chick and I’ll show you a guy who’s sick of fucking her.

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