Russell Brand: ‘My Marriage is Like a Sitcom’

November 12th, 2010 // 36 Comments

Seen here foolishly attempting to launch a perfume line without using cleavage, Katy Perry‘s marriage is apparently identical to a sitcom, according to Russell Brand. Because that’s exactly the kind of description you want to hear only two weeks in. Via Us Magazine:

“It’s just a normal marriage,” Brand, 35, claimed, offering an anecdote as proof. “The other day, I put a shirt on and she went…’You’re wearing that shirt, are you?’”
Brand was initially taken aback by Perry’s command. “I thought, ‘That’s actually happening? That’s a thing off a sitcom. That happened in my actual life. I wasn’t allowed to wear it. If she says don’t wear that shirt, I don’t wear it,” he quipped, gesturing that “where i live” is under Perry’s thumb.

Jesus. And I thought Taylor Momsen realizing her parents screwed her entire life would be the most depressing thing I read today. But don’t worry, metaphorical castrations aside, Russell Brand is learning a valuable lesson about love:

“All of us, really, have a deep yearning within us for love,” Brand explained. “I think eventually you find a spiritual and emotional connection with someone, and I think it unifies with everyone. I think if you love one person it makes you love everyone. That’s how I feel. Katy gives me a lot to think about. I like it.”

Katy Perry makes Russell Brand “think.” — Wow, I really don’t want to go for the easy gay joke here, but goddamn, dude. Thinking? That’s a purple coffin nailed shut with penis rainbows. Good Lord…

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. gogo

    I AM FIRST AGAIN. EVERY POST TODAY I HAVE BEEN #1

  2. Taz

    It looks like she is posing for a porn picture.

  3. Cock Dr

    I hope this marriage contract thing works out for those crazy kids.
    But I so, so doubt it.
    His history is quite alarming. Her cuteness & big breasts aside, she seems like a no-talent dumbass.

  4. Ash Bones

    After 4 seasons it’s over

  5. xanax in my beer

    I’ve been trying to figure out why Katy Perry looks so weird to me and I might have it narrowed down… She’s got a dude’s nose. Not like a big ol’ ugly dude’s nose or anything, but a dude’s nose none the less. Aaaaand, you always see way too much of the whites of her eyes.

    • Because being rough is ugly

      The only reason you’re aware of this now is the same reason that perfume is going to fail. (Not my wish, don’t care) That’s because she’s not using the most powerful, devious, mind-controlling and erotic weapon a woman has. That’s right! Her eyes….

  6. Glenn Beck

    i give it 2 years tops

  7. alamander

    Alright, Sup. Normally I don’t comment on here, but purple coffin nailed shut with penis rainbows made me laugh aloud. So, y’know. Kudos.

  8. molly

    i don’t really have anything bad to say about katy perry
    i mean her music sucks, but she’s so cute

  9. Katy Perry Perfume London
    Unotsexy
    Commented on this photo:

    if im seeing katy perry, i need cleavage there

  10. Katy Perry has a perfume line?

    Number 21 can add this to his list.

    (anyone? anyone at all?)

  11. mud butt

    Holy shit, fish please spare me. I can’t stand this bitch – every time I see her mugging with some stupid bullshit facial expression it makes me want to SMASH SOMETHING!! She is NOT hot. She would be OK if she learned how to wear makeup and get rid of her ’50s harido and wear a bra that fits and quit making stupid faces. Oh and quit singing. That would help too.
    At any rate, this is the most annoying bitch on the scene at the moment, by far. I really would rather see daily posts of Rosie O’Donnell at this point.

  12. STFU, you stupid dumbass

    I hate this stupid mugging attention whoring twat with a passion. She & other idiots like lady pukepuke & ke$shit exemplify everything that’s wrong with the music business; image over talent. Disgusting…

    • Pope Been-A-Dick

      Still not clear, are you for or against?
      News Flash, the elevation of style over substance isn’t exactly new. Welcome to America, we put the “ass” in crass commercialism.

    • Tyler

      Lady PukePuke and Ke$shit?

      Bravo. You are so clever.
      Some one give this man a medal!

  13. Threeboy

    More like TITcom!!!

  14. Marco

    I am beginning to wonder if she really has that big of boobs. Some pics like this look like she is very average, others she looks delicious. I think that she is usually wearing some super wonder bra or something.

    Oh well, I suppose that its only a matter of time before her career collapses and she is doing porn. Then we’ll get to the bottom of this mystery.

    I think about boobs a lot.

    • There’s enough pics of her in bikinis to see she really does have big boobs, but the way they disappear in certain outfits is suspicious. It seems obvious that her boobs are squishy elastic things with no real substance to them, so they look big out in the open but as soon as you put them under tension they flatten to nothing.

  15. Katy Perry Perfume London
    Adriana
    Commented on this photo:

    ” I think if you love one person it makes you love everyone”. Actually I knda agree with him. If you love yourself, it makes you love everyone.
    If you dislike yourself, it makes you dislike & criticise everyone else.

  16. jonesy

    Full retard, Russ.

  17. Cass

    No tits in that dress! Guess she left the chicken cutlets on the floor

  18. wim

    American Fakeness in optima forma brought to ya by CUNT perry & sp*rm swallower russell brand!!

  19. Katty Perryfume? or Katty Purrfume?

    Katty Perryfume? or Katty Purrfume? Which is the name of her silly scent? Smells like a ripe litter box? It doesn’t make sense. Celebs can sell anything!

  20. spinal

    I wish these two assholes would stop giving us status updates every 5 minutes like they invented marriage. NOBODY CARES. They need to STFU and stick to what they do best: her shaking her tits and auto-tuning the living fuck out of her voice, and him…well, what exactly does Russell Brand do again?

  21. Keep it up Katy, be the boss. Ask Kate Gosselin how that turned out.

  22. See Alice

    Katy without cleavage is useless.

  23. Sparky

    news flash: no talent whore and douchebag are still talentless and douchey. y’all need somebody to gossip about.

  24. barroom hero

    Go away no talent slag.

  25. Katy Perry Perfume London
    TJ
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like a child with Down’s. Hate her.

  26. Katy Perry Perfume London
    Anita Bonghit
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m excited to see how fat she’s going to get.

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