Russell Brand Jerked A Dude Off

October 21st, 2013 // 33 Comments

In an interview dug up by Radar Online, Russell Brand admits to giving a man a handjob for a comedy documentary during the height of his heroin addiction. The documentary was supposed to explore “social taboos,” but mostly sounds like the work of a director going, “Haha! Watch what I’m going to make this junkie do.”

“I trawled around Soho…going [to] various gay bars, gay gyms trying to pick people up with a film crew,” says the Get Him To The Greek star.
“I went in this pub and I goes: ‘Anyone want me to wank them off?’
“And this bloke goes, ‘Yep’. Like as if I was saying: ‘Does anyone want a packet of crisps [potato chips] from the bar…?’
“So we goes to the lavvy – me, him, the director – and…he gets his willy out. And it was not nice. The phallus is…I like mine and you see some others in paintings that look all right but his looked like a rag.”
As the live audience titters at his cringe-worthy tale, Brand describes what it felt like to massage the strange man’s penis!
He says: “I took it betwixt my fingers thusly. It were [sic] like massaging a naked mole rat and it wouldn’t go hard!
“And we’re…in the toilet with the director standing there filming me and he goes, ‘I think…it would be easier if I was able to touch yours’.
“And I [thought] ‘F**king hell mate, do us a favor!’ And the director goes: ‘Go on Russell it would be funny…’
“So I take down my trousers and pants…and then the bloke sort of mauled at my genitals while I wanked him off.”
Brand was determined to do a good job. He says: “I’m such a sex narcissist that, even though I’m not gay, I still wanted to be good at giving him a wank…”
The whole incident eventually came to a messy conclusion. Brand says that “after about 27 and 11 minutes, he spat a string of grey j**m.”

… The Aristocrats?

Photos: Getty / Bauer-Griffin, INFdaily, Splash News

superficial

  1. cc

    His unique brand of utterly unfunny humor should remind the English they shouldn’t sneer too much at Honey Boo Boo.

  2. “The Aristocrats”! Give the man a cigar.

  3. kimmykimkim

    Why the fuck was it grey?

  4. And the time he lost that fistfight to a bum was part of a History Channel documentary.

  5. A junkie jerking off other dudes…yawn.

  6. If it wasn’t Hugo Boss in a wheelchair, then just STFU.

  7. I mean really, it’s only one cock over from his own.

  8. A jerkoff jerked someone off. What’s next? Justin Bieber giving a vaginal irrigation?

  9. Katy Perry Bikini
    Hugh G. Rection
    Commented on this photo:

    Crack kills.

  10. Monsignor Nelson

    “♪ I wanked a bloke and I liked it! ♫”

  11. Convex

    Just seeing Russell Brand makes me want to dive into a vat of RID.

  12. nice smile BritBoy. That gum-to-tooth ratio is way too high.

    Also, it would be easier to make a list of disgusting things this shitsack *hasn’t* done.

  13. This type of behavior from him doesn’t surprise me. Next he’ll be with Andy Dick in 3…2..1.

  14. That was a shaky move xD

  15. Cock Dr

    I don’t think Monty Python has any reason to worry about this guy taking their British comedy crown.

  16. anonymous

    Someone should tell Russell Brand when you troll bars looking for random guys to jerk off in front of a camera, that’s not a documentary. He is making a gay porn.

  17. Johnny Depp has officially lost his Greasiest Celebrity title.

  18. The only thing surprising is that it took so long for a story like this to come to light. Katy sure knows how to pick ‘em.

    • dieter

      i think you’ll find he wrote about it in his first book, that and travelling the world with a stash of heroin up his rear end. so i guess the reason it took so long to come to light is that no one gave a shit.

  19. Dox

    So.. from Katy Perry to jerking a random dude off in the bathroom.
    Brand, did at any point during this you possibly think to yourself…
    “Holy Fuck, I should have never divorced that incredibly sexy woman.”

  20. Why does Bob Saget’s line ” I suck dick for coke ” come immediately to mind when reading the headline? Oh yes, its because when I heard Russell Brand was a previous heroin addict I realized immediately he had probably already done that for real. Big shocker about a handy.

  21. Wouldn’t it be funny if tomorrow we find out the other guy was John Mayer?? That would be hilarious, except to Katy Perry.

  22. Roundhouse Kick

    I don’t like your jerkoff name. I don’t like your jerkoff face, I don’t like your jerkoff behaviour, and I don’t like you. Jerkoff.

  23. the video’s 15 years old, the show was called “Russell Brand has issues”

  24. “Yeah, Russ, there are still several of me pubes stuck in your teeth,,,”

  25. bananas

    Show is called RE:Brand (it’s from 2002) – he took a bath with a homeless man covered in scabs and shit, gave a dude a handjob in the stall of a public bathroom, tries seducing and having sex with an old chick, etc.

    If that sounds at all appealing, you can find them with simple Google searches…

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