Roger Ailes’ Hamburger Testicles Are Probably Out Of A Job
“Mr. Ailes! Mr. Ailes! Is it true you’ve ruined the phrase ‘Where’s the beef?’ for generations to come?”
“Jee woy bu cheeka couma mah pisua see neonu. Fa doth kanu fa!” [Translated from Huttese: “I made the women touch my balls of meat. It was worth it!”]
Following Gretchen Carlson’s sexual harassment lawsuit and more women coming forward with horrifying descriptions of Roger Ailes’ testicles, New York magazine reports the Murdochs have agreed to remove Ailes as CEO of Fox News:
Roger Ailes’s tenure as the head of Fox News may be coming to an end. Rupert Murdoch and sons Lachlan and James — co-chairmen and CEO, respectively, of parent company 21st Century Fox — have settled on removing the 76-year-old executive, say two sources briefed on a sexual-harassment investigation of Ailes being conducted by New York law firm Paul, Weiss. After reviewing the initial findings of the probe, James Murdoch is said to be arguing that Ailes should be presented with a choice this week to resign or face being fired. Lachlan is more aligned with their father, who thinks that no action should be taken until after the GOP convention this week. Another source confirms that all three are in agreement that Ailes needs to go.
Unless it’s golf, my dad doesn’t follow any of this kind of shit – However, he loves The Five because goddammit. – so I knew Ailes was fucked when he told me last week that Megyn Kelly knows something and that’s why she’s not defending him. If my dad knows enough about a story to start making theories, you’re toast. The patties have been squashed too thin because have I mentioned Roger Ailes’ balls look like raw red hamburger meat? They look like raw red hamburger meat.
“So you want to be an anchor, huh? Well, then you better rub some eggs and bread crumbs into these bad boys. And a little Worcestershire sauce. Myeah, see?”