I just assumed Rodney King has been freely robbing banks while the LAPD tipped their hats to him and said, “Afternoon, Mr. King,” so imagine my surprise to find out he was arrested last night for DUI. And for those of you listening to your Justin Bieber records and going, “Who?” how do I explain the Rodney King case in a way you would understand? Okay, imagine your moms beat your head into the dishwasher after you racked up a crazy phone bill Twitter-lating the Internets, so you burnt down the city of Los Angeles when your dad refused to admit that shit was kind of fucked up. Granted, that’s probably the worst example anyone could give, the important thing is I tried to reachthese kids and “rap” with them while you sat there looking at celebrity gossip. On that note, TMZ reports:
Law enforcement sources tell us King was driving a 1993 Mitsubishi in Moreno Valley, CA around 3:30 PM … when officers observed him committing “multiple infractions.”
King was detained and transported to a nearby Riverside Sheriff’s station — where he was eventually arrested and booked on suspicion of driving under the influence.
This had to be the most delicate arrest in the history of law enforcement. They probably took him to a five-star hotel just to break the news to him.
COP: How’s that filet, Rodney? I told them how you like it.
RODNEY: It’s good, man, real good.
COP: Perfect, perfect. Listen, the reason we brought you here – champagne? – is we’re gonna have to arrest you for DUI, champ.
RODNEY: Oh, shit, for real?
COP: For real, dawg. I hate to do this, but we’ll wait until you’re done with your mousse. It’s absolutely exquisite here.
RODNEY: Can I work the siren and hold your gun?
COP: Eh, why not? Ya little scamp. *tussles hair* Haha, it’s bristly.