Robyn Gibson: ‘Mel Never Abused Me’

And Mel Gibson just caught a break. Look at that face!

According to TMZ, his ex-wife Robyn has signed a sworn declaration stating “Mel never engaged in any physical abuse of any kind toward me before, during or after our marriage.” However, it should be noted Robyn was the Australian Blowjob Rodeo Queen five years running so, barring a fluke case of lockjaw, she was never in any real danger.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to file this post under “How to Protect the Shit out of Your Alimony.”