Robin Thicke Isn’t Just A Douche, He’s A Violent Douche ‘Allegedly’

So remember how you always got strong, heavy douche vibes from Robin Thicke, and then those vibes only got stronger as he proceeded to ride the success of “Blurred Lines” into blatantly grabbing women’s butts, divorce, and then joining Leonardo DiCaprio’s Pussy Posse (I’m sorry, “Wolf Pack.”) just to send it on home? Well, go ahead and trust your instincts because, according to TMZ, Paula Patton just won a restraining order against Robin after a “specific finding of domestic violence” was presented to a judge. Turns out Robin was a goddamn nightmare to be married to unless you enjoyed living with an alleged cokehead who allegedly beat you if you walked in him on allegedly cheating on you in the next room. PEOPLE reports:

In Patton’s 52-page request for a domestic violence restraining order, Patton alleged, “Robin had a temper and could be volatile at times,” detailing a number of apparent abusive episodes.
One such episode was around their son’s third birthday in April of 2013, when Patton, according to documents, said she “observed him to have inappropriate contact with the masseuse” and “Robin became so enraged that I had interrupted his ‘massage’ that he broke down the locked door.” Shortly after, the declaration reads, “Robin became physically violent with me. He pushed me down and kicked me.”
Following the incident, the restraining order request asserts they went to one marriage counseling session, and “Robin again admitted to me that he had a drug and alcohol problem and that it was affecting his behavior.”
Patton alleged in the documents that Thicke became violent while they were at the Cannes Film Festival that same year, saying, “we began fighting. Robin hit me with a closed fist to my upper body and then pushed me onto the ground.”
Patton said that Thicke’s behavior; cheating (after returning from his tour in 2013, “he came home and told me that he had unprotected sex with seven other women,” Patton’s declaration reads); and drug use led to their 2014 separation and the end of their marriage.

Jesus Christ. And while Gavin Rossdale seemed like an egotistical asshole earlier this week after he expressed surprise that Gwen Stefani actually left after he caught got cheating with nanny, Robin managed to take things to even douchier levels after allegedly being caught trying to have sex with a woman in the same bungalow Paula was sleeping in. Via Us Magazine:

In Patton’s documents, obtained by Us, Patton claims that Thicke threatened multiple times to “bash my f‑‑king head in,” cheated on her with numerous women numerous times and around Valentine’s Day 2013, attempted to cheat on her with another woman in their bungalow at the Chateau Marmont while she slept. “When I confronted Robin about this, he admitted to having attempting to have sex with the stranger, but stated that he ended up being unable to do so because of the amount of cocaine he used that evening that caused him to be unable to perform,” she alleges in the papers.

“Okay, so I did try to have sex with a stranger in the next room, but I couldn’t because all the coke make my dick not work. So see? Everything worked out in the end. Heart you.” – Robin Thicke, ladies and gentlemen

And while that was a humorous anecdote for anyone who isn’t Paula Patton, there’s also shit like this, and just… goddammit. Jezebel reports:

Paula makes various allegations involving Julian, saying among other things she began noticing behavior changes last November. She describes an incident where Julian asked Robin for a hug before bed and instead she says Robin came back to his room and spanked him.

Which brings us to today where all of this is blowing up for the sake of protecting her son. Naturally, Robin Thicke’s team has responded with the most man-splaining, predictable, yet sadly effective response of, “Well, why she’s only bringing this up now?” and then firing back with emotional abuse allegations that haven’t been sticking. But to answer their asshole question that a barrage of angry bitter men are about to fill up the comments with – along with accusing Paula Patton of doing this for the money – she didn’t bring it up until now because this shit is fucking embarrassing. On top of that, it appears she’s been trying to make sure her son has a relationship with his father, but it sounds a hell of lot like Robin Thicke has some baggage to sort out before he’s allowed near anybody.

So before this post turns into an MRA convention, really think about the more likely scenario: Paula Patton is making all of this up because she pees sitting down. Or a guy who’s only famous for one song (with a music video that has the words “Robin Thicke has a big dick” in it) acts like a violent asshole when he’s coked up and gets called out on his shit. And if choosing that last one makes me a “snowflake,” or whatever the insult du jour is these days, I’m 12 inches of it, baby. BURN! Maybe? No one got that because you’re all 25. Sonofabitch.

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