When we last left fashion designer Roberto Cavalli, he was playing the odds exactly right by hitting on Elin Nordegren, and I’ll never understand how that didn’t work out. Fortunately, Roberto is a self-made man who builds from the ashes of his failures, if building from the ashes of your failures means making a model in her 20s spray your dick with a garden hose. I’ll probably be shitting myself in a nursing home at 80, so this is like watching a fairy tale come to life. That oddly stares back. While touching itself. I don’t like this post anymore.